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15 Approaches to Healing and Recovering from a Break Up

Updated on January 06, 2017
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Benny is both a professional tutor and writer. He likes writing on subjects that touch on human heart.

Each and every one of us has been hurt at one point in life. The feelings that result from the hurt are painful, something we wouldn’t want to experience again. The hurt normally leaves us with emotions that totally torment our minds to the point of affecting our physical health.

We feel bitter, angry, hateful and sad. We begin developing a sense of loneliness; have no mood for anything and anybody preferring to be alone. We cry in our closets, hug our teddy bears and pray our world to come to an end. It becomes hard to know whether we will make it another day, how we will survive and how we will recover from the hurt. It seems impossible. Inside our hearts the hurt is immeasurable and we are sure nobody knows how much we are hurting.

It seems we are forever going to experience the hurt but the fact of the matter is you can get over the hurt in a short period of time.

Therefore, how can you get over hurtful feelings so they don’t affect you negatively? How can you move on knowing the relationship is over, you don’t need to get stuck on a relationship that is no more?

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1) Admit the Truth

When a relationship ends, the mind knows it’s over but not the heart. The heart is living in a fantasy world meaning it’s living in denial. It doesn’t want to accept the breakup happened. It is hurt. It needs to be treated but doesn’t want to accept it’s wounded. As long as it’s living in denial it will never heal.

It is time to have a conversation with it. Let it know the relationship is over. Tell it to stop living in denial. It is high time it accepts the truth of the matter: the relationship is over and it’s wounded. When it realizes this, then the process of healing begins.

2) Allow the Feelings

Don’t bottle up the emotions. Don’t try to hide them from others and yourself. No matter how many breakups a person has gone through before finding the right person, hurt is inevitable. It’s something a person will always experience.

Releasing of emotions acts as a stamp whatever you are going through is as a result of something you have undergone. It’s a way of showing whatever happened is a reality, not an illusion. In such a case, you will not live in denial the relationship is over. This will enable you to move on with your life.

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3) Don’t Entertain the Emotions

Experience the feelings but not for too long. The release of emotions help in the healing process or recovering from the break up but if you experience them over a long period of time, it turns out unhealthy.

Example: If you’re still angry three months later after the breakup you know the effects of this emotion are not good. It will affect your health and relationship with your friends and loved ones. After experiencing the hurtful emotions, you have to begin dealing with them.

4) Forgive

It is very hard to forgive someone who has hurt you intentionally. Even so, purpose to forgive your ex. When you forgive your ex it doesn’t mean you are condoning his behavior or letting him hurt you again. It means you don’t want the hurtful emotions to take control of your life. You don’t want your ex to control your mind by harboring hurtful emotions. It is for your own benefit. Don’t be a prisoner of the negative emotions. Set yourself free by forgiving.

5) Don’t Make Contact

You should not contact your ex through texts, calling or face-to-face. This is a time when you need to have your own space. You need to think things through, and you cannot do so if you keep contacting your ex.

No Contact allows you to settle your mind. When it is settled then you will be in a good position to heal from the hurt as you will not be thinking about your ex and the relationship. As long as you keep contacting your ex is as long you’ll you keep thinking about your ex , meaning you will never heal nor recover from the breakup.

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6) Stop the Motion Picture

Stop revisiting the good times you had with your ex. It will only increase feelings of loneliness, hurt, depression and sadness. You have to stop entertaining the images of you ex in your mind. She is no longer in your life, how will repeating the images of her on your mind make you feel any better? You have to try hard not to rerun the good times you shared together. You have to focus your mind ahead. It’s better you scrutinize the relationship both on the good and bad side.

7) Forget


When you have forgiven your ex, forget the wrong that was done to you. If you forgive but have not forgotten, you’ll not heal fully nor will you recover completely from the breakup.

8) Love Yourself

If you hate yourself you’ll never recover from the breakup nor heal from the hurt. Love who you are. Love yourself for the fact it’s not over for you. You’ll find your true love ahead. Love for the fact you learned one or two lessons from the failed relationship. Love for the fact if you don’t do so you’ll always end up in more breakups. Love for the fact if you don’t do so you’ll never get into another relationship. Love for the fact if you don’t do so you’ll end up hating people of opposite sex and relationships as a whole.

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9) Forgive Yourself

If you were the one on the wrong, forgive yourself. Don’t continue blaming yourself. You accepted you were the one on the wrong, so work out on improving yourself. When you land in another relationship, you’ll be a changed man. If you don’t forgive yourself you’ll never heal from the hurt neither will you be able to forgive your ex.

10) Go Out

Don’t mourn for long. Don’t cage yourself. Go out and breathe in the fresh air. Don’t isolate yourself from others. When you do so, you’re just increasing the hurt. Visit friends. Take a walk. Go to a cinema. Visit a museum or gallery. Don’t spend most of your time indoor. You’ll never recover from the breakup as you’ll be emotionally tormented, and it’s something you aren’t looking forward to experiencing for long.

11) Positive Songs

Don’t listen to sad love songs. Don’t listen to songs that are not positive. Listen to uplifting, encouraging, motivating, challenging and songs that propel you to move on. Listen to songs which will fill your heart with hope. Songs to remind you there is a future. It is not lost.

12) Your Hobbies

Everyone has a hobby. Make use of yours. Do what you love doing. Do you love writing? Then, be involved in it. Drawing? Painting? Hobbies will feel you with happiness. They will aid in redefining your life. They will feel you with hope. They will help you appreciate life. They will help you to forget the failed relationship and your ex. They will help you in healing from the hurt. They will help you to recover from the breakup.

13) No Blaming

As stated above, if you were the one on the wrong don’t continue blaming yourself. It will not help in making the situation any better. The relationship is over. You are hurting, now you need to work out on how to heal. Blaming won’t help you to do that.

If your ex was the one on the wrong don’t blame him for the cause of the breakup. It will not straighten anything. You’ll blame him day-in-day-out until you’ll have no more strength to continue doing so. Instead of wasting your energy and time on blaming your ex or yourself, purpose in your heart to allow the healing process to take its course and move on.

14) No Stalking

Don’t stalk your ex on her social media accounts or even outside the Internet world. You are kidding yourself. You are undervaluing yourself. You are doing yourself a disservice. Unfriend or block her in your media social accounts. In case of Whatsapp, delete her number from you phone list. The relationship is over and you want to recover from the breakup; how will stalking her allow the positive results to manifest? Don’t you think you’re just increasing the hurt? What if she has posted a photo of her and her new boyfriend? Will you feel good about it?

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15) Stop Pretending

It was indicated you should admit the breakup happened. Accept you’re feeling hurt. Accept you’ll feel hurtful emotions. Thereby, don’t pretend everything is fine. Don’t pretend you’re not hurt. Don’t pretend you will not or are not feeling hurtful emotions. Don’t pretend you’re moving on smoothly. You’ll never heal from the hurt if you continue with this attitude.

Realize you have a life to live, thereby, stop thinking about the failed relationship or what could have been changed or not. You have learned a lesson from the relationship, ensure you make best use of it next time you fall in love with another person. Don’t dwell on memories which won’t help in advancement of your life. As stated above, you have a life to live. Time waits for no one. Life has to go on. Pick up the pieces, and move on.

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 2 months ago

      It's also good to spend time with your friends and family.

      Not only can they be supportive but they can help you put things in perspective. Almost everyone has been rejected or dumped.

      "A bend in the road is not the end of the road unless you fail to make the turn. Thankfully there are over 7 Billion other people on the planet.

      Every ending is a new beginning!

      One other thing to keep in mind....

      In order for your (ex) to have been "the one" she would have had to see (you) as being "the one". At the very least a "soul-mate" is someone who actually WANTS to be with you! (And vice versa).

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

      If someone dumps you they clearly don't think you're special.

      Your future lies ahead of you and not behind of you.

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