Steps to Healing and Recovery After a Breakup
After a breakup, it is right to feel pain. Whether you are the dumper or dumpee, the breakup might have affected you negatively. When love is removed or you are denied it, you'll tend to be affected psychologically. When the emotional bonding is severed, you will feel psychological pain.
The pain results from the fact you trusted your partner with your heart. You gave him your whole heart. Instead of taking care of your heart, he broke it into pieces. He betrayed your trust. Now, you are hurting. It is unbearable and you're wondering if you will ever heal and if the pain in your heart will ever go away.
Before you go do something extreme like committing suicide, realize that you can get up on your feet and move on. Healing is possible if you only allow the healing process to take place. When you have healed from the breakup, you will recover and you can move on with your life.
This article will show the steps you need to follow in order to heal from the hurt that resulted from the breakup.
1. Accept the Fact You Are Hurt
You have to admit you are hurt. You are feeling pain in your heart. Don't pretend you haven't been affected psychologically and everything is going well with you. Don't act as if it's not a big deal because it is a big deal.
If you do not accept you are hurt, the healing process will not begin. You will hinder the natural healing process to begin its course. Remember, you are not the only one who has been hurt as a result of the breakup. You need to take heart that you aren't the only one who is experiencing the pain.
2. Deal With Your Feelings
Don't bottle up the hurtful feelings. When you suppress the feelings, it is a clear sign you are running away from the hurtful feelings as you do not want experience them. In fact, you are behaving like a person who has gone to a pub to drink beer in order to deal with a problem that is troubling him. You are only deceiving yourself if you think the beer will help you in getting rid of the problem.
Experience the anger, the hatred, the bitterness and other hurtful feelings because that is how the body has been conditioned to deal with psychological pain in order for the healing process to commence.
When you have felt the hurtful feelings, it is time to deal with them. Get rid of them by ensuring you don't entertain them. Do not let the negative emotions be your companions. If you do so, you will never heal, recover from the breakup, nor move on with your life. You will develop certain psychological diseases such as depression which might translate to physical illnesses such as back pain and headache. You will not enjoy your life nor find the reason to live. Deal with the negative emotions. Do not let them control your life.
3. Don't Keep It to Yourself
Don't suffer the pain alone. It may get worse which might affect almost every aspect of your life negatively including your relationship with other people. You might develop depression and low self-esteem. Confide to someone who is very close to you or understands you about what you are feeling and how you are feeling. If you feel the pain is increasing in momentum, it might be better to seek a counselor.
4. Write It Down
Write down what and how you are feeling. This is because scientific studies have discovered writing aids in the healing process. When you jot down what you are feeling, a few hours or days later when you read what you had written you might gauge for yourself whether the pain has decreased from the time the breakup happened. It will create a picture of your condition at the moment. Thereby, you will know which steps to undertake to ensure you are on the road to recovery.
For instance, if you have jotted down that you're thinking often about your ex, when you read later on what you had written you will know you need to do something about it. This is because the more you think about your ex the more you feel the pain.
5. Take a Break From Your Ex
Breakups are tiring and stressful. You are wounded — not externally, but internally. You need to take a break so that the wound can heal. Your ex does not matter anymore. He will not make things any better for you. You are the one who has to decide whether you want to heal from the hurt that resulted from the breakup or not.
You need to stop contacting your ex. You have to exercise No Contact Rule whereby you cease any form of communication with your ex. Don't engage him in your life at the moment until you're sure you need him or not for the rest of your life.
6. Don't Turn Against Yourself
Don’t hate yourself. Don’t blame yourself for too long for contributing to the breakup or the end of the relationship.
Don't feel unworthy because you were dumped or because you dumped your ex. Don’t tell yourself you are stupid, that you don’t deserve another partner or that another relationship will never work out (even if it is your fourth breakup.)
In general, don't entertain any negative thoughts about yourself. We all make mistakes but the most important thing is whether we've learned anything, and whether we want to change for the better.
If you were the cause of the breakup, the best you can do is to ask your ex to forgive you. If you ended the relationship because your partner was always hurting you, try to forgive your ex.
7. Damage the "Video Tape"
If you want to heal and recover from your breakup, you need to stop re-running the good memories you shared with your ex in your head. Your mind has done a wonderful job of getting rid of the not-so-good memories and concentrated only on the good parts of the relationship that you had with your ex.
But the reality is that you are denying the fact the relationship did come to an end. You are trying to escape the pain by getting lost in the past. Damage the video tape.
8. No More Love Songs
You should take a break from listening to any love songs, both sad and not sad. When you listen to love songs, they will remind you of your relationship and make you long for your ex.
They will fill you with thoughts that you shouldn't entertain. Listen to uplifting, encouraging, motivating, and challenging songs.This is not a time to think about love or be reminded of it.
9. Experience the World
Don’t lock yourself in your closet for long. As much as the world hurts you, it also has a lot of good things to offer. Don’t mourn for too long.
Get out and feel the world. Breathe in the fresh air. Consider the beauty that is still left and know that the hurt won't last forever. Let the beauty of the world enlighten and inspire you.
10. Forgive Your Ex
There is no benefit in holding a grudge against your ex. You gain nothing by hating your ex and remaining angry. It will only become a burden to you. Forgiving your ex has several benefits.
- It assists you in getting rid of negative emotions.
- You learn to be strong when you are hurt by somebody.
- You are reminded that your life is not dictated by a failed relationship or an ex who was inconsiderate of you.
11. Forget the Pain
Once you have forgiven your ex, be determined not to remember the pain. When you remember it, your chances of healing and recovering will be jeopardized.
Hurts are never meant to be remembered. They are meant to let you know that hurt is inevitable, and one should rise above it by learning to be strong when he or she faces it.
12. Don't Forget to Forgive Yourself
Try to forgive yourself. It doesn't matter who broke up with who—if you blame yourself and start conjuring bad thoughts, you will find yourself in a downward spiral of negativity. Give yourself a break. Don't let negative thoughts rule your mind.
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13. Read Books, Watch Movies, and Exercise
Read poems, novels, and books that have nothing to do with romance (except ones that concentrate on how to get over breakups and deal with the hurt that comes from someone wronging you).
Watch movies like documentaries and comedies. And exercise! Exercise helps a great deal when recovering from a breakup.
Just remember that you don’t want to concentrate on anything concerning past love, so avoid everything that reminds you of that.
14. It Is Your Decision
If you don’t come to the conclusion you want to heal and recover from the breakup, you never will. You have to decide to do what you can to realize the results.
If you are determined to come out of the breakup in one piece, you will. Therefore, decide to do whatever it takes. Concentrate on yourself and you will be able to move on.
Questions & Answers
How can I get over him? I loved him then and still do. I can't stay away even if I want to please him. Please help me. We have been dating for over 8 months. How can I forget him so easily?
The first thing is you need to be disciplined and determined. You have to forget him if you want to recover from the breakup and move on. You need to delete his numbers from your phone book. Unfriend or block him from your online social accounts. Be determined you will not contact him and disciplined that when you feel like contacting him, you will tell yourself the relationship is over, you have to move on thus you need to forget him and move on with your life. Always remind yourself of this. You have to stop stalking him. Tear his photos into pieces. Always smile even when you feel sad because it will remind you there is a future, you can make it by recovering from the breakup and moving on. Forgive him if he was the one in the wrong and forgive yourself whether you were in the wrong or reacted negatively during the breakup. Be gentle to yourself and stop blaming yourself. Write a letter to yourself. In it, write why you have to forget him and move on. Always have that letter with you for it will always act as a reminder why you need to forget him. And love yourself and know clinging to him is denying yourself of the fact you can move on.Helpful 49
How can I get over my ex even if I have to see him every single day? Will this method still work?
It will never work unless you cannot avoid because you work in the same place or study in the same class. If this is the case only treat him as a casual friend. Engage only in greetings and things related to work or assignment.
However, if it is the case you want to see him because you want to see him, you will not get over him. You have to stop seeing him, no talking to him or contacting him in any way. You have to distance yourself from him telling him you need your own space - of not seeing each other which means not talking to each other. Treat him as if you don't know him - a casual friend not a platonic friend.Helpful 22
How do I get over my husband of 24 years? We have two children 24 & 19 years respectively, finances, house and property together. He is now having his 4th affair and I don’t want him back but still love him.
It's so sad to love someone but that person doesn't reflect the same feeling.
These are ways you can get over your husband:
a) Your children will aid you in the healing process. As you spend time with them always reflect you want them to succeed in life because that's the desire of every mother. The realization you will do anything for their success will strengthen the resolve and will act as a reminder you can move on and feel good about yourself without your husband by your side.
b) You can't delete or block your husband's numbers because of emergency issues that might arise. But you can unfriend or block him from your social media accounts including WhatsApp (if you are each other's friends in Facebook or other social media sites).
c) Find in your heart the need to forgive him so that you can free yourself from negative emotions that might have taken hold of you. It will be far better if you send him a text either online (before you unfriend or block him) or through the normal SMS and let him know you have forgiven him and will no longer hold any grudge against him. In addition let him know even though you love him, you've to move on with your life and wish him all the best.
d) Family photos: You will have to store them away till in future when you have healed and recovered and are moving on with your life. If you keep on browsing through the photos (online, on the phone or physical album) you might break down and begin missing him and wishing a thousand things. Store them away or find a way of locking them.
e) Take a pen and paper. It's better than using a phone or laptop. What did you like about your husband and the relationship? Note them down. Be grateful for them. Now, he's no longer with you. You need to move on. Which things should you do to help you move forward? Your children, loved ones, friends, your work, your accomplishments, what you have, your resolve to move on, what you like most about yourself, your hobby(ies) and the desire (the will, the determination) to move on.
Tell yourself it's okay. You will cry, you'll long for him, you'll miss him but not for long. I will be determined to get through this.
f) Store away his possession or lock them in the store or basement if you have them with you. It would be much better if you give him his possession. They will always remind you of him when the most important thing now is not remember him but finding your foot to move on, that is, get over him.
g) Whenever you find yourself thinking about him, snap out of it. Let your heart know you don't want him back; you want to move on with your life without it. Always remind it the cord was broken by your husband. He had been unfaithful thus you cannot continue in a relationship whereby your partner is unfaithful. It's no longer a healthy relationship.
And when you forgive your husband, try to forget how he hurt you. The forgiving might be difficult but forgetting is more difficult. However, find the strength to forgive him and in time you'll forget how he hurt you and that's when you'll have truly moved on.Helpful 3
I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years and he decided to end it. Once it happened I found out that I have rejection issues and because of that, I could be arguing for very small reasons. But now I am working on it. He developed depression but told me just recently. I do love him and I think that his decision was made due to depression. I don't know whether to fight for it or move on. I cannot believe that I can live without him. What should I do?
Before you try to get him back into your life, you have to deal with the rejection issue. If you haven't dealt with it, it could lead to more problems. First of all, work on accepting and loving yourself. Don't feel worthless or have low self-esteem about yourself.
Secondly, your ex has to deal with his depression. If he hasn't, he won't get back with you. If he does get back with you, it will also cause problems in the relationship. Thus, he has to deal with his depression.
This means you have to give yourself and your ex time to work out on your areas before you try to get him back.
It will be good to ask your boyfriend to forgive you. This will partly help your boyfriend to overcome his depression. Also, it will make you feel good about yourself which will further boost your self-esteem.
Let him know you love him and that you're working on improving yourself.
This translates to not contacting him for a month. This is to give both of you your own space and to work out on things that are troubling you. After that period, you will have a clear picture of what to do - move on or try to get back your ex.Helpful 3
How do I get over my ex as I have to see him every single day because we’re in the same class. Plus he wants to end the relationship and wanted to convert it into friendship. What do I do now?
You will need to reprogram your mind that the relationship doesn't exist anymore. It will take time but if you're persistent and disciplined by continually convincing yourself you're no longer in the relationship, you'll get through.
You shouldn't accept to be friends. It will be very hurtful to you as you're the one who's being dumped. You should be casual friends. Limit your talking to him. If it happens you're in his team or he's in yours when given assignment; don't talk to him too much. Converse to him like you would a new friend whom you barely know.
Additionally, it will help if you unfriend him on your social media accounts, and delete his numbers or store them away.
Ensure you don't think about him. Whenever you do so, snap out of the thoughts. Tell yourself you shouldn't think about him.
Don't engage in another relationship immediately and don't use it to show your ex you're better off. Spend more time with your friends and be grateful for the time you've spent with each other. Don't hold any grudge or hatred or anger against him.
In summary, don't be personal with him in whatsoever way.