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Steps To Healing & Recovery After A Breakup

Updated on July 25, 2017

Each and every one of us has been hurt at one point in life. The feelings that result from the hurt are painful, something we wouldn’t want to experience again. The hurt normally leaves us with emotions that totally torment our minds to the point of affecting our physical health.

We feel bitter, angry, hateful and sad. We begin developing a sense of loneliness; have no mood for anything and anybody preferring to be alone. We cry in our closets, hug our teddy bears and pray our world to come to an end. It becomes hard to know whether we will make it another day, how we will survive and how we will recover from the hurt. It seems impossible. Inside our hearts the hurt is immeasurable and we are sure nobody knows how much we are hurting.

It seems we are forever going to experience the hurt but the fact of the matter is you can get over the hurt in a short period of time.

Therefore, how can you get over hurtful feelings so they don’t affect you negatively? How can you move on knowing the relationship is over, you don’t need to get stuck on a relationship that is no more?


1. Accept You Are Hurt

Don’t run away from the hurtful feelings. Don’t pretend you have not been affected. Don’t act like is not a big deal because it is. You might think you are fooling other people, and possibly you too, but in effect you’re fooling yourself. Don’t suppress the emotions if you want to heal from the hurt as a result of the breakup, and recover from the breakup. Experiencing the pain as a result of the breakup acts as a stamp whatever you are undergoing is real, thereby it’s not an illusion; it is a fact. Feel the pain but not for long.

2. Deal With The Hurt

You don’t have to be a macho man or commando by suppressing the negative emotions because it will work against you. It never happens in real hurtful-life situations. If you try it, you will never heal nor recover from the breakup. You might think you have dealt with the hurtful emotions but in reality you’ve undermined their power. Later, they will hunt you by tormenting your mind which will lead to worsening of the condition of your ‘heart.’ You don’t want to be always angry, hateful and bitter. Consider the effects of not dealing with negative emotions. You won’t like it.


3. Don't Keep It To Yourself

You are hurting. You are confused. You are unsure of anything and everything. You shouldn’t hurt alone. It is good to confide what you are undergoing and feeling to a trusted person. It may be your closest friend or somebody who you can trust his/her judgment. This will aid in opening yourself by not bottling what you are undergoing as it would make it hard to heal from the hurt, recover from the break up and move on.

4. Write It Down

Write down what and how you are feeling. Whether the feelings are good or not put what you feel on paper. Scientific studies have discovered that writing does help in the healing process. One way it does this is when you put what you are feeling on paper or in case you have laptop, typing, you are releasing the bitter emotions you are feeling. It works the same way when you confide in a person how you’re feeling. The second way is when you go back to read what you have written, you’ll be in a good position to know what to do to deal with what you’ve written.

5. Take A Break

It is tiring. It is stressful. It is hurting. You are wounded, not externally but internally. You need to take a break so that the wound can heal. What matters most as of the present is not your ex. He will not help in the healing process. On a larger scale it depends on you. You are the one who has to allow the healing process to take place just like a person who is wounded externally goes to hospital for the wound to be treated. If you don’t allow the healing process to take place you will never recover from the breakup. As such, take a break by not contacting your ex whether through texts or calls. You are the one who matters now, not your ex or the failed relationship.


6. Don't Turn Against Yourself

Don’t hate yourself. Don’t blame yourself for too long if you were the cause of the breakup. Don’t undermine yourself whether you were the cause of the breakup or you feel not special because either you were dumped or you dumped your ex for various reasons. Don’t tell yourself you are stupid, you don’t deserve another partner, another relationship will never work out (even if it is your fourth breakup) plus entertaining other negative thoughts against yourself. We all err but we learn from our mistakes and hope to change for the better. There is no one who is worse than others.

7. Damage The Video Tape

If you want to heal and recover from the breakup you need to stop rerunning the good memories you shared with your ex. Your mind has done a wonderful job of getting rid of the not-so-good memories and concentrated on the good part of the relationship you had with your ex. Actually, it is not a wonderful job. You are denying the fact the relationship did come to an end which also signifies you are escaping from the pain as you don’t want to experience it. Damage the video tape.

8. No More Love Songs

You should take a break from listening to any love songs be it sad ones or not. When you listen to any love song, they will remind you of your failed relationship and make you long for your ex and the relationship. They will fill you with thoughts of which you are not supposed to entertain. Listen to other uplifting, encouraging, motivating, challenging and moving on songs. The only exception is love songs which talk about moving on. This is not a time of thinking about love or being reminded of it.

9. Feel The World

Don’t lock yourself in your closet for long. As much as the world is hurting is as much as it has a lot of good things to offer. Don’t mourn for too long. Don’t hide yourself from the public for so long. Get out and feel the world. Breathe in the fresh air it has to offer. Consider the beauty that is still left in our world and know hurtful situations never last for long. Let the beauty of the world enlighten and inspire you.


10. Forgive Your Ex

There is no benefit in holding a grudge against your ex. You will not benefit continuing hating your ex and remaining angry as long as you want. They will become a burden to you. You should forgive your ex because it serves several benefits: you don’t let the negative emotions control your mind, you learn to be strong whenever you are hurt by somebody, it acts as a reinforce your life is not dictated by a failed relationship or an ex who was inconsiderate of you.

11. Forget The Hurt

Once you have forgiven your ex, be determined not to remember the hurt. When you remember the hurt, your chances of healing and recovering from the breakup will be jeopardized. Hurts are never meant to be remembered. They are meant to let you know hurt is inevitable and one should rise above it by learning to be strong when faced in such situations.

12. Don't Forget To Forgive Yourself

Also, you should purpose to forgive yourself. If you were the cause of the breakup, you will feel bad about it. You will blame yourself and feel you deserve it and start conjuring negative thoughts. Nevertheless, give yourself a break and forgive yourself. This is in order to not to let negative thoughts rule your mind and in order to move on.

13. Don’t Pretend

When someone tells you, “It must be hard,” don’t reply, “It hasn’t had an effect on me” or you are faring well when it is not the case. Say, “I am trying to come to terms with it but I know in time I will get better.” When you pretend you have not been affected it means you haven’t admitted the breakup happened and you have suppressed the emotions. No one is immune to hurt and there are hurts that can totally weaken a person. You’re not the only one who is experiencing it. Take heart you are not the only one who is feeling what it feels to be hurt.

14. Read, Watch And Exercise

They will aid in the healing process and recovering from the breakup. Read poems and novels that don’t touch on romance. Read books that don’t touch on romance. The exception is those that concentrate on how to heal from a hurt and how to recover from breakups and how to deal with hurt when someone wrongs you. Watch movies but not romantic ones, documentaries and comedies. And exercise, it helps a great deal in dealing with the hurt and eventual recovery from the breakup. You don’t want to concentrate on anything concerning past love, so avoid anything reminding you of that.


15. Your Decision

If you don’t come to a conclusion you want to heal and recover from the breakup you will never. You have to decide to do all you can to realize the results. However, if you waver you will never heal. If you don’t heal you will never recover from the breakup. If you are determined to come out of the breakup in one piece, you will. Therefore, decide to do all it takes to heal and recover from the breakup. Forget your ex and the failed relationship. Concentrate on yourself.


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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 11 months ago

      It's also good to spend time with your friends and family.

      Not only can they be supportive but they can help you put things in perspective. Almost everyone has been rejected or dumped.

      "A bend in the road is not the end of the road unless you fail to make the turn. Thankfully there are over 7 Billion other people on the planet.

      Every ending is a new beginning!

      One other thing to keep in mind....

      In order for your (ex) to have been "the one" she would have had to see (you) as being "the one". At the very least a "soul-mate" is someone who actually WANTS to be with you! (And vice versa).

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

      If someone dumps you they clearly don't think you're special.

      Your future lies ahead of you and not behind of you.