Steps to Healing and Recovery After a Breakup
After a breakup, it is right to feel pain. Whether you are the dumper or dumpee, the breakup might have affected you negatively. When love is removed or you are denied it, you'll tend to be affected psychologically. When the emotional bonding is severed, you will feel psychological pain.
The pain results from the fact you trusted your partner with your heart. You gave him your whole heart. Instead of taking care of your heart, he broke it into pieces. He betrayed your trust. Now, you are hurting. It is unbearable and you're wondering if you will ever heal and if the pain in your heart will ever go away.
Before you go do something extreme like committing suicide, realize that you can get up on your feet and move on. Healing is possible if you only allow the healing process to take place. When you have healed from the breakup, you will recover and you can move on with your life.
This article will show the steps you need to follow in order to heal from the hurt that resulted from the breakup.
1. Accept the Fact You Are Hurt
You have to admit you are hurt. You are feeling pain in your heart. Don't pretend you haven't been affected psychologically and everything is going well with you. Don't act as if it's not a big deal because it is a big deal.
If you do not accept you are hurt, the healing process will not begin. You will hinder the natural healing process to begin its course. Remember, you are not the only one who has been hurt as a result of the breakup. You need to take heart that you aren't the only one who is experiencing the pain.
2. Deal With Your Feelings
Don't bottle up the hurtful feelings. When you suppress the feelings, it is a clear sign you are running away from the hurtful feelings as you do not want experience them. In fact, you are behaving like a person who has gone to a pub to drink beer in order to deal with a problem that is troubling him. You are only deceiving yourself if you think the beer will help you in getting rid of the problem.
Experience the anger, the hatred, the bitterness and other hurtful feelings because that is how the body has been conditioned to deal with psychological pain in order for the healing process to commence.
When you have felt the hurtful feelings, it is time to deal with them. Get rid of them by ensuring you don't entertain them. Do not let the negative emotions be your companions. If you do so, you will never heal, recover from the breakup, nor move on with your life. You will develop certain psychological diseases such as depression which might translate to physical illnesses such as back pain and headache. You will not enjoy your life nor find the reason to live. Deal with the negative emotions. Do not let them control your life.
3. Don't Keep It to Yourself
Don't suffer the pain alone. It may get worse which might affect almost every aspect of your life negatively including your relationship with other people. You might develop depression and low self-esteem. Confide to someone who is very close to you or understands you about what you are feeling and how you are feeling. If you feel the pain is increasing in momentum, it might be better to seek a counselor.
4. Write It Down
Write down what and how you are feeling. This is because scientific studies have discovered writing aids in the healing process. When you jot down what you are feeling, a few hours or days later when you read what you had written you might gauge for yourself whether the pain has decreased from the time the breakup happened. It will create a picture of your condition at the moment. Thereby, you will know which steps to undertake to ensure you are on the road to recovery.
For instance, if you have jotted down that you're thinking often about your ex, when you read later on what you had written you will know you need to do something about it. This is because the more you think about your ex the more you feel the pain.
5. Take a Break From Your Ex
Breakups are tiring and stressful. You are wounded — not externally, but internally. You need to take a break so that the wound can heal. Your ex does not matter anymore. He will not make things any better for you. You are the one who has to decide whether you want to heal from the hurt that resulted from the breakup or not.
You need to stop contacting your ex. You have to exercise No Contact Rule whereby you cease any form of communication with your ex. Don't engage him in your life at the moment until you're sure you need him or not for the rest of your life.
6. Don't Turn Against Yourself
Don’t hate yourself. Don’t blame yourself for too long for contributing to the breakup or the end of the relationship.
Don't feel unworthy because you were dumped or because you dumped your ex. Don’t tell yourself you are stupid, that you don’t deserve another partner or that another relationship will never work out (even if it is your fourth breakup.)
In general, don't entertain any negative thoughts about yourself. We all make mistakes but the most important thing is whether we've learned anything, and whether we want to change for the better.
If you were the cause of the breakup, the best you can do is to ask your ex to forgive you. If you ended the relationship because your partner was always hurting you, try to forgive your ex.
7. Damage the "Video Tape"
If you want to heal and recover from your breakup, you need to stop re-running the good memories you shared with your ex in your head. Your mind has done a wonderful job of getting rid of the not-so-good memories and concentrated only on the good parts of the relationship that you had with your ex.
But the reality is that you are denying the fact the relationship did come to an end. You are trying to escape the pain by getting lost in the past. Damage the video tape.
8. No More Love Songs
You should take a break from listening to any love songs, both sad and not sad. When you listen to love songs, they will remind you of your relationship and make you long for your ex.
They will fill you with thoughts that you shouldn't entertain. Listen to uplifting, encouraging, motivating, and challenging songs.This is not a time to think about love or be reminded of it.
9. Experience the World
Don’t lock yourself in your closet for long. As much as the world hurts you, it also has a lot of good things to offer. Don’t mourn for too long.
Get out and feel the world. Breathe in the fresh air. Consider the beauty that is still left and know that the hurt won't last forever. Let the beauty of the world enlighten and inspire you.
10. Forgive Your Ex
There is no benefit in holding a grudge against your ex. You gain nothing by hating your ex and remaining angry. It will only become a burden to you. Forgiving your ex has several benefits.
- It assists you in getting rid of negative emotions.
- You learn to be strong when you are hurt by somebody.
- You are reminded that your life is not dictated by a failed relationship or an ex who was inconsiderate of you.
11. Forget the Pain
Once you have forgiven your ex, be determined not to remember the pain. When you remember it, your chances of healing and recovering will be jeopardized.
Hurts are never meant to be remembered. They are meant to let you know that hurt is inevitable, and one should rise above it by learning to be strong when he or she faces it.
12. Don't Forget to Forgive Yourself
Try to forgive yourself. It doesn't matter who broke up with who—if you blame yourself and start conjuring bad thoughts, you will find yourself in a downward spiral of negativity. Give yourself a break. Don't let negative thoughts rule your mind.
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13. Read Books, Watch Movies, and Exercise
Read poems, novels, and books that have nothing to do with romance (except ones that concentrate on how to get over breakups and deal with the hurt that comes from someone wronging you).
Watch movies like documentaries and comedies. And exercise! Exercise helps a great deal when recovering from a breakup.
Just remember that you don’t want to concentrate on anything concerning past love, so avoid everything that reminds you of that.
14. It Is Your Decision
If you don’t come to the conclusion you want to heal and recover from the breakup, you never will. You have to decide to do what you can to realize the results.
If you are determined to come out of the breakup in one piece, you will. Therefore, decide to do whatever it takes. Concentrate on yourself and you will be able to move on.
Questions & Answers
How can I get over him? I loved him then and still do. I can't stay away even if I want to please him. Please help me. We have been dating for over 8 months. How can I forget him so easily?
The first thing is you need to be disciplined and determined. You have to forget him if you want to recover from the breakup and move on. You need to delete his numbers from your phone book. Unfriend or block him from your online social accounts. Be determined you will not contact him and disciplined that when you feel like contacting him, you will tell yourself the relationship is over, you have to move on thus you need to forget him and move on with your life. Always remind yourself of this. You have to stop stalking him. Tear his photos into pieces. Always smile even when you feel sad because it will remind you there is a future, you can make it by recovering from the breakup and moving on. Forgive him if he was the one in the wrong and forgive yourself whether you were in the wrong or reacted negatively during the breakup. Be gentle to yourself and stop blaming yourself. Write a letter to yourself. In it, write why you have to forget him and move on. Always have that letter with you for it will always act as a reminder why you need to forget him. And love yourself and know clinging to him is denying yourself of the fact you can move on.Helpful 51
How can I get over my ex even if I have to see him every single day? Will this method still work?
It will never work unless you cannot avoid because you work in the same place or study in the same class. If this is the case only treat him as a casual friend. Engage only in greetings and things related to work or assignment.
However, if it is the case you want to see him because you want to see him, you will not get over him. You have to stop seeing him, no talking to him or contacting him in any way. You have to distance yourself from him telling him you need your own space - of not seeing each other which means not talking to each other. Treat him as if you don't know him - a casual friend not a platonic friend.Helpful 23
I have to see the person that hurt me all day long. What can I do?
If you have to see the person who hurt you all day long then you have to make peace with yourself i.e your heart and mind - not allowing negative emotions form and control how you should behave or talk.
Tell yourself you won't allow the hurt to affect your life and relationship with others negatively. Forgive that person as hard as it is. Don't hold onto grudge, bitterness, hatred or anger for long. They will cause more miseries in your life which can lead to depression.
Don't react negatively when you see that person. Act calm, take control of the negative emotions from exploding and don't say much. Don't talk on top of your voice, don't cry or weep and don't let the person see how much you're hurt. But there is nothing wrong in telling that person he hurt you if you feel the need to tell him. However, ensure things don't turn out nasty e.g war of words. Keep your calm and when you trust yourself to talk without shouting or letting hurtful emotions dictate your conversation then you can talk.
While I'm not sure the person who hurt you is your partner or friend; how you act when in that person's presence determines a lot how you deal with any hurt, how long or short it takes to heal from hurt and how much you're in control of hurtful feelings.Helpful 5
My boyfriend of five years didn't want marriage. I did, and so I broke it off. I keep hoping he will change and suddenly become the man I wanted. How do I stop these silly thoughts?
You have to reaffirm to your heart that the relationship is over. You have to tell it whenever you long for your boyfriend, that you wanted a man to spend the rest of your life within the form of marriage. The man you'd thought would be the one didn't want it.
Also, whenever you think of such thoughts, snap out of them by telling yourself to stop thinking about such things. You're wasting your life. You need to move on. It will take time, but the heart has to always know it is a no-no about your boyfriend and the wishful thinking.
Lastly, cease any form of communication and concentrate on your life. Store away his photos or tear them into pieces. Erase his phone numbers.
Tell your mind and heart to focus ahead. Always remind them the past is past. Now is the present.Helpful 16
I am very much in love with a girl - can't live without her. I tried not to talk to her, but after some days or one week, I went back to her saying, "Hi! Hello!" Whatever I do for her she always takes it in a negative direction. In the mid of our relationship she also cheated on me; now she is saying that we don't have any future and all that. What should I do?
You need to cut off communication with her despite how much you love her. I don't see your relationship heading anywhere because whatever you do she steers it in a different direction.
Don't contact her for more than two weeks. It will help in calming your mind and enabling you to reflect on the relationship without hurtful emotions or what you feel for her dictating what to think or decide. You need a time of your own to think things through.
But the way you've described the nature of your relationship, it's better you move on. It hurts but it's the only plausible solution.Helpful 14