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How to Start Setting Boundaries (Even Though It's Hard)

Hello, I am an amateur writer aiming to break stigma and generate more understanding and informative content about mental health.

Why Is Setting Boundaries So Hard?

Because it shouldn't be. That's why it's hard. Because when you feel that the time has come where you need to set boundaries and you are finding it difficult, it is because you are being disrespected in some way.

Setting boundaries should not have to be hard, and it often isn't; when you are surrounded by the right people, setting boundaries with them may make you feel at ease and respected.

Boundaries are one way that you teach people how to treat you.

Boundaries Are Not a Bad Thing

There is a very uncomfortably common misconception going around that setting boundaries is considered toxic. This is undoubtfully false and is normally an argument used by people who feel they deserve to continue to disrespect you.

Boundaries are not only "not bad," but they can even be healing to your relationships and your self-esteem.

Do you know what another great thing about setting boundaries is? While you are learning what boundaries are and what you need from people around you, you are also learning to identify what they may need from you as well. You will learn to even encourage others to communicate their own needs with you.

Again, I will say this, boundaries aren't a bad thing, and to be quite frank, anyone who holds the belief that they are should not be in your life.

There maybe be resistance from others at first when trying to communicate boundaries, but that is because they haven't yet realized the importance of what you are communicating that you need from them, and the sudden change may feel uncomfortable.

Why Are Boundaries Beneficial to Relationships?

Some things I personally have noticed when setting my own boundaries with people in my life is that,

  • At first people might resist
  • People might feel like you are being unfair
  • People aren't used to it at first
  • People might feel a loss

This is all normal and understandable at first, because this is new and foreign to them from you.

Give them some time. Give them room to think about it, and they learn to understand where you're coming from. They learn to realize that *maybe this makes sense actually*

Then they learn to respect you better.

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They learn how to treat you in a way that you feel safer around them.

They learn that maybe there are some boundaries they would like to set with you.

They get some more courage and trust with you to communicate their own needs and feelings with you.

If the boundaries end up clashing, you both can brainstorm together some compromises or alternatives that work positively for you both if you feel there is room for a compromise. (As long as you are comfortable and can stay safe with that compromise.)

Setting boundaries can be uncomfortable and frustrating, but it's not unhealthy. Just make sure you are calm, assertive and respectful and give them time if that ends up being needed but don't back down from what you know your heart needs.

In Conclusion

With all of this being said, some people just simply will not want to respect your boundaries no matter how hard you try to get them to.

If this is the case, then these are NOT your people.

People who genuinely respect you care about what's important to you regarding how you are treated. They care about how you feel and how they make you feel.

Never allow anyone to discredit or invalidate your feelings and do not let them gaslight you into thinking you are being selfish for asking this of them.

To simply put it:

People who care about you will respect your boundaries.

People who don't, will not.

Thank you for coming to my Hub talk.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2022 sunnwrites

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