I’m Having An Affair With My Boss, How Do I Defuse This Uncomfortable Situation?

Updated on December 29, 2016

How Do I Stop This Affair With My Boss?

I’ve been having an affair with my boss for the past month, and now he is showing favoritism towards me. Some of my co-workers are upset, in which they have their reasons.

His favoritism started at one of our team building sessions. My boss had ordered chicken wings for our Friday meeting, and he asked me to pick them up. What made the situation uncomfortable was that my boss strongly suggested that I drive his Jaguar. When I got back from running the errand, a group of female co-workers gave me the evil eye.

On another occasion, my boss made arrangements for me to join him at a corporate luncheon. The event took place at an extravagant resort, but all of my co-workers were asked to stay behind and work.

I’m not an outstanding employee, I can barely meet my quota for the month . Yet, my boss treats me as if I were employee of the year. The way my boss caters to me is unfair to my fellow co-workers, and this makes me feel guilty. The fact that my boss is married, only makes this situation worse.

My boss has been confronted several times by his employees concerning his favoritism towards me. My fear is that someone will file a complaint regarding this matter.

I need help on how to end this uncomfortable situation. I know some women would like to stone me, but I'm trying to find a way out.

I need to hear from women who can relate to what I'm going through. I'm searching for a way to end this embarrassing situation as soon as possible.


All Play And No Work

This is a view of office supplies, playfully arranged.
This is a view of office supplies, playfully arranged. | Source

Most Marriages Are Made In The Office

Believe it or not, the office is where people meet. Statistics show that more marriages are made in the office than anywhere else. But then, a lot of marriages are torn apart in the office, as well.

A high profile office romance between William Agree, then chief executive officer of the Bendix Corporation and his executive assistant, Mary Cunningham, made national headlines years ago because many thought his “favoritism“ pushed Mary up the corporate ladder. Both left the company, married and started their own business together.

Most office affairs never make headline news, but they attract their fair share of office gossip next to the water cooler. The National Affairs (BNA) found it such a hot topic that it became the focus of a wide spread study in which many psychologists, corporate chiefs, middle managers and their employees were interviewed. The BNA found that office romances create an uneasy feeling, from top executives down to the common staff.

The BNA says, "The most disruptive case of office behavior and the most negative in its consequences, involves the boss and a subsidiary, especially when one or both is married. These romances cause jealousy and suspicion among co-workers. And can result in lowered productivity," Thee BNA goes on to say, “Such involvements can lead to charges of favoritism.” According to specialist who study office romances, some co-workers may feel abandoned by a boss who obviously sees one of their fellow co- workers as someone special."

Your Job Should Run Smoothly

This is a picture represents a  conductor leading his group in a professional manner.
This is a picture represents a conductor leading his group in a professional manner. | Source

Ask Yourself, Is This Affair Worth The Discomfort?

This picture displays A boss who is  peeking around the corner observing the reaction on the face of his female employee as she admires the flowers that he sent her.
This picture displays A boss who is peeking around the corner observing the reaction on the face of his female employee as she admires the flowers that he sent her. | Source

Center For Work-Life Policy

Research from the Center for Work-Life Policy show 15% of women have slept with their bosses and 37% were promoted for doing so.

Move On

A job that you love should run smoothly for the most part. Picture yourself as a conductor, rhythmically setting the tone within the work environment.

By having an affair with a married man that happens to be your boss; sets the wrong tone.

Libby if you are sincere about defusing this situation concerning your boss, I would strongly suggest that you hand in your resignation and make a clean start.

If you truly felt secure with your job performance, you may have never slept with your boss to begin with.

Make it clear to your boss, that he is not to contact you under any circumstances.

Move on Libby, and find a job that you have a passion for. Live a guilt free life by respecting yourself. In the end you will feel at peace with yourself and your circumstances.

I'm Having An Affair With My Boss Poll.

Why are you having an affair with your boss?

See results

Now That You Honestly Expressed Your Feelings Why Not Talk About It?

Obviously you ran across this article because you are feeling uncomfortable about your ordeal. We don't need all the details, but perhaps you can express your feelings in the comment area. So far I only have Tom and Ann's feedback. Your response will help yourself and others.



The following clip is from the movie "Price Check", This movie showcases how most affairs in the office begin. I found this movie to be very entertaining and realistic.

Perfect example. 'Price Check'Parker Posey & Eric Mabius do a great job in this movie!

© 2013 Emunah La Paz


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    • profile image

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    • swilliams profile image

      Emunah La Paz 2 years ago from Arizona

      Hi Erin! Thank you for your honesty regarding this very common situation. I have start off by saying that I honestly feel that this issue may run a little deeper. It seems as if you have been dealing with the fear of rejection for a long time. It appears as if your boss, made you feel special on his own terms. When it comes to relationships, love has to thrive off of respect and grace. A selfish relationship, is a one way street which will lead to regret and bitterness. My advice is to leave this selfish game. Even though you have worked there for many years, it could be a time for change. Do not depend on anyone to take care of your needs. Take time out to love yourself. Treat others how you want to be treated and in return, you will sow seeds of happiness. This takes time, but the outcome is worth it! Your boss, is blocking your blessings.Leap out on faith, and depart from this relationship. Best Regards! And I'm wishing you the happiness- that YOU deserve! :)

    • profile image

      Erin 2 years ago

      ive been having an affair with my boss for 15 years. He began this, I was married, he was married.in the beginning he showed me a lot of attention. Flirted with me at work, called me, sent me flowers at work, bought very expensive gifts, however we maintained a professional status in the office. After a few years went by, his attention became less, the calls became less. But the intimatacy continued. His behavior with other females in the office made me jealous, because he wanted no one to think we were seeing each other. The raid has become bumpy, to say the least, for me anyway.

      I've talked to him about how his behavior hurt me. He said he didn't intend it to affect me that way, he would try to include me in his laughing and cutting up with them. And he did for awhile, then it went back to the same situation. It's become very awkward.

      I've been trying to play it cool and just do my job. I've been at this job for 20 years. I need the job as I'm now divorced and taking care of myself.. Barely. He has helped me financially more than one time. He pays my cell phone bill, and depends on me to run his personal errands. I gave up a marriage of 29 years for him. He gave up nothing. It's been awhile since we've been together on an intimate base.

      So he just recently ask me if we were still going to be an intimate couple or an emoyee/ employer only. I don't want to hurt him yet he continues to hurt me.

      He keeps talking to other women in front of me and acts as if I'm not there,

      We had a good relationship before this all began. Now I feel disrespected and ignored. I no longer care about him the way I once did. And I do believe the only reason he wants anything to do with me is because of the intimacy we share. I'm suppose to give him an answer in a few days. I want to say I think we should just be friends. I need this job. And to be honest I'm afraid he will no longer help out financially . Although that has become less. He and his wife are asexual.. And I feel like that's the only reason he needs me. After we are together, the following day, I, once again become invisible.. Until he needs me again. Some days he barely speaks to me, then has the nerve to ask me to be with him again.. I just feel used... Very used! Do you have an answer? Because I need some advice on this.

    • swilliams profile image

      Emunah La Paz 3 years ago from Arizona

      Ann even though you have feelings for your boss, you must accept the fact that he is in a relationship. It so easy to do the wrong thing out of lust, respect yourself and move on.

    • profile image

      ann ng 3 years ago

      my boss was used to be my friend. our relationship was more than friends at a certain time. he is in a relationship now but i still have feeling for him and want to have him.!!!

    • swilliams profile image

      Emunah La Paz 3 years ago from Arizona

      For the 32% of people who took this poll and are having and affair with their boss because he/she is hot and you have no morals, I will be praying for you. I'm no saint, we all have our issues thank you for sharing.

    • swilliams profile image

      Emunah La Paz 4 years ago from Arizona

      To the one honest person who slept with their boss because they needed a a raise, I'm not judging you. Thank you for your honesty. And...Did you get a raise?

    • swilliams profile image

      Emunah La Paz 4 years ago from Arizona

      Thanks for your feedback Tom!

    • swilliams profile image

      Emunah La Paz 4 years ago from Arizona

      To the one honest person who said they needed prayer for cheating with their boss, you are very brave. We all need prayer, maybe not in the same area of life but we all have trials in life.

    • Tom Schumacher profile image

      Tom Schumacher 4 years ago from Huntington Beach, CA

      Swilliams, I'm certain the topic of your hub will resonate with many people - both men and women alike. As for situation as you describe, I agree moving on as suggested is the only practical option to resolve the problem. As we know, decisions we make today dictate our future. Thus, sometimes it is better to be wise and make mindful decisions in lieu of emotional ones. ; ) Voted up!