10 of the Best Ways to Annoy Our Neighbours
The Best Relationship Advice Guru You Know
Let us face it: all of us, whether we admit it or not, have had difficult neighbors, or even had the temerity to be one ourselves. I am Aunt Em, the relationship advisor with a preference for the perverse; the thing is, I can bet my bottom dollar that after you read my column, you will be sure to get a sense of my salient communication. Today’s special will be my offering on the ways to irritate our neighbors; the objective of today is to give some advice on the best way we can cultivate such bad habits, and hopefully, build relationships with neighbors that are extremely high in tension.
And here are some of these bad habits:
No. 1: Do complain unnecessarily.
When our neighbors commit trivial misdemeanors, it is all right to go right up to their doors to make your presence felt. Do ring the bell multiple times and raise your voices as loudly as you can; you can be sure to get the attention that you deserve. Make your neighbors most uncomfortable by amplifying the situation wherever possible; this is sure to increase awkwardness and promote good neighborliness.
Do also make your complaints obvious to the whole neighborhood; that way, your neighbor is sure to improve his social standing with the rest of the crowd and both of you can become extremely popular. It is the sure road to civic minded ness indeed.
I once had a neigbor, George, who did an extremely good job of this. He constantly came up to my door whenever the music was turned up just a little louder than usual. He complained about everything from the music to the sounds made whenever doors closed; the irritation helped to cultivate the greatest relationship ever between us. The whole neighborhood soon knew of our feud and that promoted the greatest level of comfort you can imagine.
No. 2: Do park your car outside your neighbor’s gate.
This is a certain way to throw your neighbor into a fit of pique. Park your car outside his gate; this obstructs him and will surely throw him into a perfect spasm of annoyance. He will be sure to blast his horn as loudly as the heavens will allow; again, the entire neighborhood community will be told of the entire fiasco. This is sure, once more, to promote good neighborliness.
The constant obstruction was a beautiful challenge to surmount for us both. I found myself squirming out of my gate just to go to his house to get his attention; George had a whale of a time communicating with the police viz the problem and soon became great friends with the on-duty sergeants at the neighborhood police station.
George was a professional at expanding and protecting his territory. He parked his car outside my gate all the time; he created a constant ruckus when I parked mine outside his.
The constant furore bridged relations between us and with the entire community of our neighborhood as well.
No.3 Do speak loudly in your own garden so that your neighbors can hear you.
I absolutely love the sort of neighbor who would take his mobile phone to the garden and speak loudly in your presence while you are hanging out to laundry to dry, don’t you? It makes for a good dose of entertainment. The kind of neighbor who tells the whole world what he is up to really makes your day with his amplified stories and witticisms. It makes me want to tell my friends at police centers nearby all about it.
It is really as though we want to be so concerned about our neighbor’s daily affairs; Days of our Lives and Desperate Housewives simply cannot make the cut. The constant barrage of entertainment is really to DIE for and is sure to cajole an indifferent person into interpersonal submission.
George was a classic at vocal amplification. He was happened to be in the backyard whenever I was there and had the knack for rousing my neighborly senses with his tirades to his girlfriends, mother and mother-in-law. I really took in those stories with neighborly abandon.
No. 4 : Do hoard your neighbor’s territory whenever you can.
I do appreciate the good neighbor who loves hoarding territory. These are the ones who place their laundry strategically outside your home to occupy your space whenever possible. The obstruction and the selfish invasion of personal and territorial privacy can be absolutely priceless, and resulting feuds contribute to the entertainment and the overall goodwill of the entire neighborhood.
These neighbors love having their friends over and laying out tables outside the spaces around your home; they and their friends even spend hours reminiscing outside your gates or apartment doorsteps. They give a new meaning to the term occupational hazard and really lend a boost to interpersonal relations.
George and his merry breed of relatives and girlfriends loved charting the unchartable area near or even outside my home; he brought girlfriend after girlfriend over and had parties that ultimately spilled over to my own gate and garden. The resulting discussion I had with him was enjoyable fodder for gossip that really served to promote good neighborly communication.
No. 5: Do play music or watch the television at full blast.
Ah, this one is sure to create good neighborly vibes. Announce your presence with a gooddose of loud, preferably heavy metal music or a good bout of hip hop at the wrong times of the day; a suitable time would be when everyone is about to return to la la land. The arousal of the senses the loud music ensues is absolutely invigorating.
Obtain first class speakers and amplifiers; these are the tools you would need to create a suitable soundfest that will wake up and please the entire neighborhood. When the speakers are installed, be sure to have them on at full blast.
George and his motley crew were professional sound engineers; their brand of hip hop and heavy metal borrowed from various artistes and communicated really, really loudly made the gossip headlines in our community day after day.
No.6. Let your children scream in the yard.
If you have children, it is good exposure for them to scream with abandon in your gardens or in the playgrounds near your home. The resulting sound they create is surely music to the ears; it promotes neighborly bonds to a hilt. The presence of such children is sure to be a hit among the neighbors.
Do consider that discipline is absolutely unnecessary; the goodwill noisy, disruptive children generates is sure to charm and preferably, when they enter your neighbor’s homes, they should open the doors of cabinets and remove everything that is inside them to your neighbor’s delight.
George’s children when real charmers; they let themselves in and dumped everything out my kitchen cabinets, helping themselves to my garden and teased my dog mercilessly, to my joyous amusement. It prompted me to develop even friendlier relations with the town’s council.
Dealing with the imposing neighbor
No. 7. Do go over constantly to your neighbor’s home to borrow provisions.
The neighbor who always does this, I am sure, ensures excellent neighborly ties with his persistent steps over the boundary. Instead of making neighbors feel irritated and overwhelmed, it makes them feel wanted and needed and always ready to lend a helping hand. Everyone wants to help and has no need of space or time for himself.
Wherever possible, trouble your neighbor to do whatever chores he can for you - like borrowing salt, pepper and other provisions every day. Although your neighbors, I am sure, will be ever ready to help, using this method of announcing yourself will surely improve relations between you.
You may impose on him in other ways as well - do ask constantly if he is able to be in your company when you know he does not like it very much. Invite him to events that he does not like to attend, or force your company upon him at parties.
George was a master at this. He came over every day - every single day - to rummage through my spice rack, claiming he had no spices of his own for cooking. I was absolutely charmed by his bonhomie behavior.
Dealing with an annoying neighbor Pt 2
No. 8. Criticize his plants or animals openly and make unwarranted comments.
Aunt Em is absolutely certain that this will be great feedback that will empower him , for all of us are open to frankness and brutally honest communication. Your neighbor will surely love the unneeded or unwanted advice that you give him.
When he walks by with his dogs, mention something sarcastic about them being dirty; if his children come out to play, do make them feel welcome by telling them what nuisances they are. This promotes good bilateral ties between you.
George was a master at providing such feedback, either saying that my two sons look ed unsightly or that my house was off-color. I definitely took his ignorant, unwanted feedback into full account.
No. 9 :If you happen to live in an apartment, allow really wet clothes to hang outside your windows to drip dry over your neighbors’.
Wherever possible, do advance the cause of good neighborliness by hanging your just washed, really wet clothes on a pole outside your window to dry over your neighbors. It gives his already dry clothes a really good once over and I am sure he will be eternally grateful.
Do take note that this method of promoting good neighborliness is effective especially if you live in an apartment and do not use clothes dryers; it is not such a useful tactic for pushing interpersonal relationships if you do not engage in such laundry habits.
When I moved to my new apartment a year ago, I had a neighbor, Samantha, who insisted on pursuing friendly relations with her wet invasions. She let her clothes drip dry over mine; we both did not have dryers and hence communicated verbosely over how her wet clothes made my dry ones dirty again. Such behavior served, surely, as a merger between us a neighbors.
No. 10 : Allow your dog to mess up your neighbor’s yard.
Enlist your dog’s help in creating bridges between you and your neighbor. Essentially, your dog must love to either dig gardens or simply be of the hyperactive variety who loves a good steal; get him to go over to your neighbor’s garden to give it a good dig or simply take something away.
This relationship-building technique is extremely useful if your neighbors dislike dogs; it is even better if your dog barks at all hours of the night. It prompts your neighbors to call you over a cup of coffee or even the police for their intervention and help.
George’s friendly dog came over endlessly to ruin my potted plants and take the occasional slipper from the yard. I remember losing a few and it was absolutely enchanting. I must say,
These techniques will surely enhance neighborly and community relations. Putting these into practice will create the rapport you need with your neighbor in no time and will surely secure his gratitude and appreciation. Do watch out from future columns from Aunt Em; I will be ever ready to dispense advise over communication should you need it. Do contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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