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Four Essential Habits of a Good Woman According to the Song of Songs

MsDora, Certified Christian Counselor, has spent four decades empowering young and adult women to pursue positive, productive womanhood.

In the Song of Songs, also known as Song of Solomon, the male lover refers to his beloved lady as a private garden comprised of “all the finest spices” (4:14). Spices have both flavor and fragrance and are an appropriate metaphor for a good woman.

Each woman is an exclusive spice mix, accentuating the flavors (her essential characteristics) and fragrances (her lingering influence) which are most appropriate for her purpose. A good woman protects and preserves her uniqueness. She strives to be the best of who she is, while inspiring other women—sisters, daughters, female students—to be the best of who they are.

Submitted by Timfly

Submitted by Timfly

The Song offers some helpful views for our consideration. Here are four which all good women do well to adopt.

(1) Recognize Your Flavor and Fragrance

Be confident.

The woman in the Song makes a bold self-assessment; “My perfume spread its fragrance” (1:12). In response to her lover’s compliment she declares with confidence, “Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread everywhere." (4:16).

Do you know your flavor? It is what people commend you for, most often.

Do you know your fragrance? It is what lingers in their memory of you.

Recognize your character strengths and appreciate rather than downplay them. Don't be shy about naming them: purity, resilience, charisma, versatility, humor and so on. Recognizing your attributes will prevent you from depending on other people for acceptance and discourage you from imitating someone else. It will help you find your niche in your community and empower you to be the woman God designed you to be.

(2) Keep Company with Complement Flavors

Don't let yours be overpowered.

In the Song of Songs, the woman says to her lover, “My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blossoms” (1:14). Henna is a fragrant shrub popular for marking garden boundaries. She recognizes his flavor and fragrance, and hopefully he recognizes hers. Together, they must make a comfortable blend.

If someone does not recognize and appreciate your qualities, and does not give you the respect you deserve, step back and wait for a complementary blend. The character strengths of both you and the other person must empower, not conflict with or downplay one another.

In complementary relationships, there will be:

  • no control and abuse(physical, mental,sexual) from a friend or lover;
  • no compromise of standards in exchange for acceptance;
  • freedom to develop individuality;
  • peer support instead of peer pressure.

True friendship includes accentuating the good in each other. Relationships which stifle you will rob you of your zest for life and make you bitter. Bitterness will overpower your sweetness, and give you reason to hate yourself. Find friends who accept you and your flavor. When you have mutual respect, you have a pleasant blend.

(3) Maximize Your Fragrance

You are one of a kind.

Helen Steiner Rice (1900-1981) lost her father to an influenza epidemic when she was 18, and her husband to suicide after three years of marriage. Instead of allowing her virtuous faith to diminish, she forced herself to express it in verse. Today, some of the best lines quoted to comfort grief come from her pen. Her literary fragrance permeates the world with inspirational messages that are uniquely hers.

Maintain your essence despite negative situations like heartbreak, ill-health, financial deals gone bad. Get help, if necessary.

  • Let your sense of purpose inspire you to keep positive no matter how the struggles of life threaten to make you bitter.
  • Resist self-defeating attitudes. They can lead to moral detours. They can turn you into a grouchy old woman who make young women fearful to live past forty.

Women who persevere at maintaining their virtues age admirably. Their sweet nature keeps them loving and loveable. Their perfumed attitude keeps them spirited, focused and determined to pursue and fulfill their purpose. They become charming old ladies in their later years. Or as the man says of the woman in the Song, "The young women saw her and called her blessed . . . praised her" (6:9).

(4) Take Personal Inventory

Maintain your flavor and fragrance at all times.

Life takes its toll on everything, and spices can lose their potency; but the woman in the Song has a testimony of growth, not of decline. "I was a virgin, like a wall," she declares, "now my breasts are like towers. When my lover looks at me, he is delighted with what he sees." (8:10 NLT) Her moral strength resembled a wall of protection around her virtues and her faithfulness has made her grow into a desirable woman.

To experience similar progress in your womanhood, schedule regular sessions to remove stale items from your psyche and refill with new-improved strengths. Engage in reflection:

  • Are my character strengths (purity, resilience, charisma, versatility, humor and so on) still functional?
  • Have I become too tired to care? Too overwhelmed with personal problems? Might I need a physical, emotional, spiritual, renewal?
  • Am I measuring my successes by comparison with my colleague's or my worth by the number of compliments I receive from others?
  • Do I engage in personal devotions for my personal empowerment?

Taking care of yourself is a prerequisite for influencing others. God made you a woman intentionally. He made you with the potential to demonstrate His flavor and fragrance in your roles as daughter, sister, wife and mother. Your feminine characteristics are an asset to your productivity and progress. You can be soft and strong, gentle and godly, womanly and wise.


“Woman was the crowning act of God’s creation.” writes E. G. White. “She was the most beautiful creature that God made.”

The world watches as you go through your struggles and challenges, and if they see you remaining true to who you are, true to the womanhood principles in the Song of Songs, you are the best example of a good woman that some people know.

Bible quotes are from the New International Version unless stated otherwise.

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This article is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge. Content is for informational or entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for personal counsel or professional advice in business, financial, legal, or technical matters.

© 2012 Dora Weithers


Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on July 23, 2018:

Thanks, Rajan. Really encouraging from a man who obviously values women.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on July 23, 2018:

Cynthia, I can sense that you're excited about your womanhood, and you are being a great example. Thanks!

Rajan Singh Jolly from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar, INDIA. on July 23, 2018:

Very motivating write.

Cynthia Zirkwitz from Vancouver Island, Canada on July 22, 2018:

I enjoyed reading and thinking about this creative look at women's gifts from the perspective of the Song of Solomon. I most appreciate being a woman for being part of a worldwide sisterhood, the ways I can connect with other women and develop warm, mutually-encouraging relationships. As I grow older I appreciate the opportunity to pass along any wisdom I might have via the role of mentor to younger women and grandmother to my granddaughters.

Yves on January 15, 2013:

The Song is indeed inspiring, Ms. Dora. Forgive my typos. Yikes!

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on January 15, 2013:

Glad you appreciate my hub, savvy. I wish I could find more people who want to study and learn from the Song of Solomon. I also find it fascinating and inspiring.

Yves on January 15, 2013:

What a lovely anology, Ms.Dora. I like the idea of fragrances representing our strengths as women. Also, I appreciate your interpretation of the Songs of Solomon, which is a beautiful love story, yet one which is often overlooked. Thank you for an inspiring hub!

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on December 06, 2012:

What an encouraging statement, ivanmarginal. Thanks for stopping by.

ivanmarginal from Jakarta on December 06, 2012:

This is all every woman should know about womanhood. Worth a share. Thanks!

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on November 01, 2012:

Thanks, Miss Mimi. Glad to share positivity and affirmation concerning our womanhood.

Miss Mimi from On the road again on November 01, 2012:

This is such a beautiful, positive, affirming hub. I found it really interesting and inspiring the way you used "Song of Songs" to show a woman's strength and confidence; I usually only hear those passages quoted to demonstrate the physicality of love in the Bible. Lovely work!

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on October 28, 2012:

Happy that you were inspired C-M. Thanks for encouraging me by letting me know.

CMarie from York, Maine on October 20, 2012:


Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on October 19, 2012:

Thanks Xenonlit, for the votes and for your affirmation of celebration. Just remember to celebrate yourself.

Xenonlit on October 19, 2012:

I love this hub! It is a joyful celebration of what is is to be a woman. We often get so wrapped up in work and life that we forget to celebrate! Voted up and awesome!

Elder DeBorrah K Ogans on October 14, 2012:

MsDora, You are so welcome! I have added a link to my, "Becoming a Strong Woman!" God Bless You!

Elder DeBorrah K Ogans on October 13, 2012:

MsDora, I am going to link this to my article "Becoming a Strong Woman." God Bless You!

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on October 10, 2012:

DeBorrah, thanks for your affirmation. Encouragement from you means a whole lot to me. Peace and Blessings to you also.

Elder DeBorrah K Ogans on October 09, 2012:

MsDora, Wonderful, inspiring and thought provoking! It is so important to stayed connected to the Lord and His Word!

As you well stated:"Recognizing your attributes will prevent you from depending on other people for acceptance. It will discourage you from imitating someone else. It will help you find your niche in your community. It will empower you to be the woman God designed you to be. It will drive you towards accomplishing what He assigned you to do."

Amen! Thank You for sharing, Peace & Blessings!

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on October 07, 2012:

Thanks, Kawaljit, for reading and leaving such an inspiring comment. You make me feel purposeful. True womanhood encourages true womanhood.

Kawaljit kaur from JALANDHAR, Punjab (India) on October 05, 2012:



After a long gap I am here on HP. Gone thru this article. In fact, its caption inspired me to read it. A wonderful write up. This is something we most women foreget in the couse of time, our family becomes our only concern. This is there where we loose our innerself. We foreget, what we are. But you introduced me with myself. I have an identity. I have a purpose of my existence. Now, I will introspect and try to bring my inner out. Thanks for being my path tracer. voted up!

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on September 30, 2012:

DDE, thanks to you also for your affirming comment. Glad to affect you positively. Stay lifted up!

Devika Primić from Dubrovnik, Croatia on September 21, 2012:

Brilliantly written and explained certainly you have uplifted my spirits thanks

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on September 16, 2012:

Thanks, Mama Kim. Good advice! In other words, let's not sabotage our chances to be all that we can be!

Sasha Kim on September 16, 2012:

Beautiful hub MsDora. It's definitely an inspiration to all women to be all they can! It's within all of us... we just have to let it happen. Voted up and beautiful.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on September 13, 2012:

Very well said, Denise. Thanks for your input. If we don't recognize us, nobody else will.

Denise W Anderson from Bismarck, North Dakota on September 13, 2012:

I love how you talk about the sanctity of women. Your hub helps me to feel important and worthwhile. I appreciate the reminder that women have a nobel and worthwhile purpose, and that recognizing that helps us to be all that we can be.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on September 13, 2012:

Thanks, ignugent, for the votes and the kind comment which in itself is very motivating.

ignugent17 on September 13, 2012:

This is inspiring and make a woman strong. Life must go on and not be defeated with all the problems.

Voted up and more!

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