Andrea has a background in Myers-Briggs and Western astrology. She mostly writes about relationships.
Maybe it’s the first time you have been away from your boyfriend, or maybe he frequently has to be away because of his job. Sometimes it feels uncomfortable to miss someone and you wonder how others feel when they’re in the same situation. When you miss someone your mind will drift toward them. As for a boyfriend, you’ll wonder about his day, what he is doing with his time, and if he misses you.
The following article will examine this experience and offer some suggestions on what you can do.
What Happens When You Miss Your Boyfriend?
There is a slew of thoughts and feelings you might go through when you miss someone:
- You might go to bed wondering if he’ll be thinking about you.
- Missing someone can be the moment you realize you like someone, it can be a moment of madness, and it can feel lonely.
- You know you miss someone when you start going through your brain looking for memories.
- You may ask yourself how long it’s been since you’ve seen them.
- Sometimes going outside and to the places you’ve been doesn’t help because it just reminds you of them.
- You may look around your home and find things that remind you of them.
Suggestion: Don’t let yourself get consumed by missing him — try to stay busy. You have a great boyfriend if they don’t leave you in the air hanging. He’ll send you messages throughout the day and check in with you. He’ll also be nice by letting you know he misses you too.
When you miss someone, it’s okay to admit it. Let the emotions and thoughts go through you. This is a good time to be introspective and to do the things you don’t normally get the chance to do.
Do you really feel strongly about this person or are you just lonely? Maybe a combination of both? If you’re feeling lonely, this is a good time to reach out to friends and family.
Ways You Can Cope When Missing Someone
If you have to part with your favorite person for a month, there are a few things you can do to make the wait more tolerable. Don’t pout the entire time and go crazy, and don't blow off all your friends. You need to enjoy yourself as much as you do when you’re with someone. If you don’t enjoy your alone time, it’s going to make you needy in the relationship, and it could result in attachment issues.
Here are some suggestions of what you can do to fill your time:
- Make a list of things you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t. Watch new movies, read books, and play video games. Take this time to enrichen your life. Don’t sit around and sulk; instead, do something so you’ll have something to talk about when your partner returns.
- Hang out with your friends! Go out for dinner, play some games in the park, chat it up, and have fun. Are you having a hard time making friends? Try taking a class in something you would enjoy like pottery, cooking, dancing, photoshop, or robotics. You might find a friend this way.
- Go see your family. Has it been so long since you’ve seen your mom that you’re not sure about her hairstyle? This doesn’t apply to everybody, but going and hanging out with family, the people who have always known you, can be a good way to fill up time when you’re missing someone.
- Try meditation. See how well you can calm your mind. Think about peace, pray, and do yoga. Buy new things for a hot bath, drink tea, go for a walk, and listen to calming, soothing music. Eat chocolate like no one is watching you. Soak up in the beauty of you.
- Clean your house. Hey, now that one of your favorite people is off on an adventure, it’s time for you to make everything as clean as possible. Vacuum, mop the floors, dust off the television set, Lysol everything, clean the fridge, rearrange your closet, trim the cat’s nails, remove stains from your shower, change your sheets — seriously you could clean for days. How many dishes are in your sink? Chores are never-ending.
- Start a creative venture. Have you been daydreaming about writing a novel? What about painting a masterpiece? Now is the time to start a long-term project. One that you can turn to when you need to be distracted. One you can accomplish when no one else is looking. Invest in your future by delving into your mind and creative interests. Try using that brilliant imagination of yours.
- Hang out with the dog or cat. You could get a dog or cat if you don't have one, but you may want to discuss that with your partner.
- Go to new places in town. Have you heard of a new hot spot that you haven’t gotten to try? Don’t be afraid to see what your town has to offer. Try parks, downtown areas, cafes, museums, the mall, concert halls, universities, bridges, churches, towers, restaurants, and bars. There has to be something you have never experienced in your town that is super cool.
- Do something that you have always wanted to do but were too chicken to try. Want to dye your hair lavender? Maybe you should try sky diving! I mean, at least it’ll be an interesting story when he gets back.
How to Let Him Know You Missed Him
It’s all too easy to not tell someone you miss them. It’s also easy to suffocate them by letting them know you missed them every second they were gone.
It’s best to tell someone you miss them when it’s reciprocated — so going 100% on them might not be the best call. It could confuse or make them feel like they are not on the same level. There are a number of ways you can tell someone you miss them… whether directly… or in more subtle ways.
- When you finally reunite, give him a long hug so he knows his presence was missed.
- Tell him directly that you missed him, but don’t go on about it forever.
- Send him excited messages when you know he has returned. Keep the focus on how excited you are to see him, not how you’ve been blue since he’s been gone. Focus on the happiness of the moment and present, not the sadness and loneliness of the past.
- Buy him a gift. It doesn’t need to be the fanciest thing in the entire world, but do spend a little bit of cash on him to let him know you thought of him.
- You could also use your talents and make him a gift that he’ll want to keep. This could save you money and also be more personal.
- Be openly weird about it. Sometimes guys like girls who are comfortable about their weirdness, so own it, deal with it — sometimes what you think is weird is actually charming.
- Go old fashioned and write him a letter. Make it a wonderful read that he’ll want to keep forever, or for a pretty long time. I recommend not being overtly gushy and hyperbolic. Write with authenticity and maybe humor.
- Take him to his favorite things. Take him to see the movie he has been dying to see, go to his favorite restaurant, buy him his favorite beer, compliment him the way he likes, and smile. Be happy.
- Do a happy dance when you see them and smile a ton.
- Get musical and write him a song.
- Cook an amazing return home meal.
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Questions You May Have about Missing Someone
It’s okay to have questions when it comes to matters of love. It’s okay to have questions in general!
Here are some common things you might wonder when missing someone:
Q: If I miss someone, does that mean I’m in love?
A: Not necessarily. You could very well be in love but that might not be the case. Sometimes we miss people for their connection, but sometimes we miss them just because we’re lonely, desperate, or worried.
If you love them, you’ll be excited about their return, you’ll be happy about their adventure (if it was a happy adventure), and you’ll be more selfless than selfish.
Consider what you would want to say to them when they get home. Do you want to tell them how sad you were, or do you have a strong desire to hug them? Consider what feelings you are having and explore them. Also, if you are in a healthy relationship, you should be able to talk about these things openly.
Q: When you miss someone is it normal to have fantasies?
A: Absolutely. All kinds. Your brain is trying to fill the absence, so it may actually feel like your boyfriend never left and is always with you. Your brain may also drift, daydream, and the like.
Q: Is it normal to cry a lot when you miss someone?
A: That depends, really. Why are you crying? What is the context? If you cry whenever your boyfriend is gone for a week, that could mean there is a larger issue. Being gone for that long shouldn’t rock your world that much every time.
If he is gone for six months, there is no way that shouldn’t affect your emotions at some point, especially if you don’t get to see him at all during that time. Context is everything.
Q: What if he doesn’t miss me?
A: Don’t go overboard. This could be another thing you could chalk up to context. He should miss you if he hasn’t seen you for six months. He might not miss you so much when he’s gone for one week every once in a while. He probably should say he missed you, but he might let it slip.
Don’t give him a hard time about it, just focus on how you felt while he was gone. Try to keep it lighthearted. If your boyfriend never misses you ever… something is kind of weird.
Q: Is long distance a natural part of all relationships?
A: No. And some people really are not designed for it. For a lot of people, distance is the kiss of death. Others can make it work. But it is not a necessary, required part of any relationship. Sometimes people get called to different jobs, they have family issues, or they go to a school in another state. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, but you should tread carefully. Is he really worth it to wade through the distance?
Q: What if I enjoy him being gone and don’t miss him at all?
A: This is normal. Sometimes when your man is gone, it is nice to take a breather. Especially, if you have been in a relationship for a while. Sometimes when your man goes on a week-long vacation, you can focus on other things that you've wanted to for a while. In the words of my favorite comedian Demetri Martin, relationships are a lot like eyebrows — they are best with space.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2016 Andrea Lawrence