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What Are You Settling For?

Updated on June 23, 2017

You're Worth It

What are you settling for?

Why do we as women feel like we are not worth anything or worth having the man we deserve? I have had countless friends whom I have talked to and they feel like they don’t deserve the man they were with because of their past. I have seen so many women be abused mentally, verbally, physically or all three because they are afraid to move on. They are wrong! You are wrong! Your past does not define you and God does not hold grudges against you just because you have a spot on our past. I am a witness that he does not hold grudges and he does not want to punish you. I am NOT a relationship expert; I learned from being in relationships, and having guys who were just honest with me about the way guys think. My only goal is to share my experiences in relationships and to help someone to not make the same mistakes I made.

Do you feel trapped by your past?

Everyone has a page out of their past that they would not like to read out loud. I know there are plenty of things I wish I could go back and do over, but I know that will never happen so I had to start forgiving myself. I had to learn how to stop attracting those type of men and gain the strength to know I am worth more than a simple hit it and quit it. I had a habit of choosing men who I knew were not good for me, but simply because they were “bad boys” I wanted them. I wish I could erase that chapter of my life, but if I would not have gone through that then I would not have the man I am with now to show me what a good man is.

Do not keep the same mind frame as before

I would never have the man I have now if I would have kept that same mindset that all men are the same and I can’t get out of this repeated cycle of being abused. Even when I first met my husband he would tell me he could tell I had been through a lot of bad relationships because I would talk a certain way and I had a different mindset. I also thought because of my past I did not deserve a good man or I wasn’t worthy of being with a good man. I had been mistreated so long verbally that I did not deserve any better. My self-esteem and my heart was broken. I felt worthless and I felt ashamed because I had did so many things in my past and I felt like I deserved the men I was with at the time. I did not feel like a Queen and I had lowered my standards just to say I had someone on my side.

It is okay to be alone and heal

Trust me I know what it's like to want to be with someone just because you don't want to be alone. I know what it’s like to date someone just because all your friends have someone and you do not. No Queen, you can no longer allow this. It’s okay to be single! It’s okay to sleep alone, to go shopping alone, to eat alone, and to just be alone in general. How can you be with someone else if you do not like spending time by yourself? You are WORTH it! You are worth being treated like a queen; you are worth a man opening the door for you and telling you you’re beautiful. You are worth true love and worth being someone’s everything. I can tell you this all day, but the question is do YOU believe it? Are you willing to change your mindset? Are you willing to go through the work and the healing process??

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 5 months ago

      Truth is no one really "settles".

      If someone was led to a parking lot and told they could have a 2018 Mercedes 600SL or a 1972 Ford Gremlin my guess is close to no one would choose to the Gremlin!

      However if they were told in order to get the Mercedes they would have to run or walk a 26 mile marathon you might see some people jump in the Ford or hop back on the bus.

      "Settling is nothing more than accepting the best available option (based upon how much time and effort) we're willing to invest". There are countless people who will tell you they could have rose to management within their companies (thus making more money). However they say: "I don't want the headaches that come with managing a team. When it's 5 o'clock I'm out the door!" Are they "settling" or making a conscious decision that "it's not worth it" in their opinion?

      Each of has a (Cost versus Reward) scale when it comes acquiring anything. Most people want get things for the least amount of effort. Lets face it no one is "stuck" with anyone.

      Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      A lot of women and men "settle" because they don't want to compete or do the things required to get a "top shelf" person.

      In other instances they really believe "this is the best they can do" even if they say otherwise.

      Once again no one is going to choose the 1970s Ford Gremlin (if they have the option) of driving off with the brand new Mercedes unless they felt it wasn't worth the effort to get it. Essentially that's making a conscious decision that the Ford is your best option.

      Getting what you (choose) isn't exactly "settling".