What No One Tells You About (Muslim) Marriage Events
Singles, singles and more Muslim singles...there are plenty of them, in all shapes, sizes, and races, and with various qualifications. Yet, at marriage events there doesn’t seem to be one singleton that sparks enough interest for you to say, ‘Let’s take this further and go for a coffee?’ So what’s going wrong at these marriage events? How do single Muslims get married these days?
The hushed voices and the deafening awkwardness is unavoidable as the singles wait around for the event to start.
I watch them tiresomely introduce themselves over and over again. I see some singles losing interest, playing on their phone or jumping onto their social media lives. I even witness many bromances and womances blossoming right before my eyes… huh?
Eventually when the intros are over, relief… Phew! Then the disappointment hits. Why? Because there’s no one you want to speak to! You scroll down the list of names and still no one interests you or is remotely like the person you want to marry! You get to the end of the list and start again hoping you overlooked someone, you realise you haven’t and the stifled despair is clear to see… argh!
Half the people you’ve met you don’t even remember, and some people turned up late and missed the intros altogether! Clearly creating a good first impression isn’t important when you're trying to meet your soul mate!
After much consideration and deliberation the singles send some requests or accept ‘requests to meet’ for a one-to-one conversation.
These one-to-one conversations can leave you speechless at the lack of ‘conversation’! At the other end of the spectrum, astonishingly some singles are willing to drop their lives, marry and move in with you tomorrow! It makes you wonder, what on earth just happened?!
Singles walk away from these one-to-ones feeling completely underwhelmed. The brothers talk at the sisters, hoping something they said would connect with them. While the sisters’ preferred approach is a hostile and uncensored interrogation of the brothers’ past relationships and haraam (prohibited) activities... Awkward much!
Despite putting yourself through all of that and with little luck in meeting someone suitable, how do singles get married these days…or is it that they just don’t?!
Some have been trying to get married for years. They attend marriage events and use on-line marriage websites yet they’re still struggling to find ‘the one’. They say they’re okay with it but their feeling of defeat is palpable.
The brothers either don’t know what they want or they think the sisters are too picky. Whereas the sisters think the brothers are immature, untrustworthy and irresponsible… ouch!
Singles with no ‘requests to meet’ make a quick exit hoping no one notices. While others cling on to hope that someone will speak to them at some point.
I watch the event organisers eager to see the singles find marriage, seek out singles and personally set up a ‘request to meet’ with other singles. However it takes some coaxing, cajoling and a huge dollop of luck to make this happen.
Unfortunately sometimes there are also after-effects of these events… There are some brothers who can’t take no for an answer and think following a single Muslimah (Muslim woman) to the bus stop or tracking her down on social media is a good move… Stalker much!!
It leaves me with the question: how many brothers and sisters exchange numbers (not including bromances or womances) and actually take the next step to meet again?
So where does it leave these singles… Do Muslim singles know how to ‘date’ halal? Are they at these events because they want to be there? Or is it because their siblings, friends and cousins are getting married and they feel left behind!
These marriage events are a great resource for meeting other singles. They’ve successfully paired thousands of married couples. But are singles taking full advantage of them?
Are the singles looking for a spark or even an inkling of one? Is that asking for too much as a first meeting? So does that then mean love at first sight is out of the question?
Let me know your thoughts: what has been your experience of marriage events, what advice would you give to singles out there?
© 2017 Nasema Begum