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Why Do Men Pull Away?
After you argue, does your man go silent? Or when he is having a bad day, will he refuse to speak two words about what's bothering him? When this happens, many women immediately set off a relationship code red, locate a big red button that says "PANIC," and push it.
Well, we are wasting our time. In fact, we are hurting our relationships by doing this. As women, we communicate our feelings through verbal communication. Women like to talk it out, guys like to work it out. They do not do this with us; they do it alone. Men often believe that if they share their feelings with us too much, it will diminish their masculinity. He might as well be a girl if he can't sort through his own messes, he thinks.
We have to first understand their logic behind this: it's called the psychological cave. This is wherever men go privately to work out, sort out, and process information. In this article, we're going to discuss the following three key things to do while your man is in his psychological cave:
- When he pulls away, don't push
- Give him space, no matter what
- Stand your ground and respect yourself
1. When He Pulls Away, Don't Push
Surprisingly, guys have survived for thousands of years like this. And like the cavemen before him, will protect his cave from invading questions. Guys hate to give on-the-spot answers to the questions asked by us females. Why? Because they know it will be followed up with more questions!
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The bottom line: don't push for answers when he goes into his mental cave. If you do, he will take your pushing as clinginess, and that will draw him away from you more. If you assume he is mad or tell him you know what he's feeling, he will perceive you as too needy. Clinginess and being too needy are major turn-offs for men. If you bother him while he's trying to be alone, it could be the reason he decides to leave you alone for good.
2. Give Him Space, No Matter What
Yes, ladies, I know this drives you crazy.
We assume the worst when our man has gone silent: that they have lost interest in us, that they don't want to talk to us, that they are mad at us, etc. Step away slowly from the panic button, and remember that he is just being a man.
Men need space more than we do. When we talk to our girlfriends we can talk for hours about how much he upset us and how dense he is. This is not the case for men. When they hang out with a male friend the purpose is not to talk about their feelings, lest they look like a little girl in front of another guy.
Give him the time he needs to sort through his bullshit, without adding to it. He will come back and be able to explain in simple words what happened. Don't expect some long drawn out answer. It's not like he was studying for a test! He will address it, and maybe add that he feels closer to you now. Or maybe he noticed you've been trying to keep him in a good mood. Ultimately, wait for him to break the ice and come to you with what he was mulling over.
Keep the drama on low, and you'll be golden.
3. Stand Your Ground and Respect Yourself
In case you haven't yet gathered, men are simply not as complex as we make them out to be. If they want to share with you, they will. If not, then they won't. Still, that doesn't mean they can't be tricky. The key is to know when to push and know when to give him space.
If he's pulling away, he probably does have a reason, but you can't force it out of him. After an argument, let him process in silence. It won't take as long if you let him think, and most of the time it's not as dire as it may seem. Give him space. If he still doesn't want to address it, then be direct and ask if everything is okay. If he says yes, leave it alone. Don't fix what isn't broken.
If he breaks up with you during this time, or looks to be with other women, he might be testing you to see how much you will endure for him. When you've had enough, call him out on it. Make it clear you won't be waiting around for him anymore; you're moving on. Yes, you may be hurt, but guys respond to assertiveness. If you say it with enough conviction, he will believe it, and if he really wants you, he will claim you. If not, he was a waste of your time. Move on!