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Stop Being a Brat! 5 Easy Ways to Improve Your Relationship Now

Deborah is a writer, healer, and teacher. Her goal is to help people live their best lives every day by sharing her joy and love of life.

When you act like a brat, you only make yourself (and your partner) miserable.

When you act like a brat, you only make yourself (and your partner) miserable.

Are You Being a Brat?

Being in relationship is hard. Whether you're married or dating, have children or don't, it isn't easy to be half of a couple.

But sometimes, you're just creating your own misery. You're responsible for your happiness, and when you're happy, then your relationship is healthier. When you act like a brat, you only make yourself and your partner miserable. You can take control of yourself and your life!

5 Ways to Improve Your Relationship

  1. Stop Being Mean
  2. Stop Treating Him Like a Child
  3. Stop Complaining and Nagging
  4. Stop Withholding Sex
  5. Stop Being Frumpy
Don't crush your partner just because you're afraid of losing control.

Don't crush your partner just because you're afraid of losing control.

1. Stop Being Mean

Be nice. That's really the long and short of being in a successful relationship with anybody. You can't underestimate the power of kindness, not only for yourself, but also for the people around you.

Once you're in a relationship, it's easy to let your nice side slip away. You don't want to concede power or seem weak. You want to appear tough, in control, and strong. You want respect. And when your partner does something you don't like, it becomes even easier to get mean.

It begins with snarky comments murmured under your breath, but pretty soon, you become overtly mean and sometimes even passive aggressive. You begin to buy the kinds of things he doesn't like, like Pepsi instead of Diet Coke or Oreos instead of Nutter Butters—you get the idea. Instead of doing nice things to make your partner happy, you deliberately do things that won't. You may start to make mean comments directly to his face and to your friends and family, telling everyone what a jerk he is. You begin to believe that you could do better and that he doesn't deserve you.

Stop being mean. If you don't love this man, then be honest, let him go, and get on with your life. If you do care, then be kind. Banish the ice queen!

2. Stop Treating Him Like a Child

Treat your partner like an adult. Even if he sometimes acts childish, he is not a child, and he is definitely not your child. You don't need to boss him around. He is an adult who can make choices and decisions. If he asks for your advice, great. Go ahead and give it. But don't treat him like he's stupid or doesn't know any better.

And for heaven's sake, don't wipe his face, dab his collar, or lick your hand and adjust his hair. Give him the same degree of respect you'd give any other adult in your life. Whether you actually have children or not—you aren't your partner's mother.

3. Stop Complaining and Nagging

Hold your tongue and refrain from blaming, nagging, and complaining. When you constantly harp on your partner, you lose all credibility, and he won't listen to a word you say. It's fine to make a request or suggestion, and if something bothers you, speak up—but don't keep bringing it up. Just make sure he heard you and then let it go. You don't have to keep repeating yourself over and over again, because that is truly tiresome.

You don't like his socks on the floor? Fine. Mention it to him. But if he keeps leaving them there, don't take it personally. It's probably not a big deal to him. If you want something to change, then change it. Don't wait for someone else, and don't try to nag anyone into doing what you want. If it needs to be done, then do it.

Sex is good for a healthy relationship.

Sex is good for a healthy relationship.

4. Stop Withholding Sex

Stop acting frigid. Do you stay up late, hoping he falls asleep? Or do you go to bed early and pretend to be asleep when he comes in? Stop playing mean games with your husband. Is it really the end of the world to be intimate with your partner?

Sometimes women like to control sex because they want to control men. Many women incorrectly believe the best way to control a man is to not give him sex when he wants. The problem is, sex is good for a healthy relationship. It's good for your health, and it will bring the two of you closer together. Why not get over your big, bad self and have sex every night for a week? Do you think you could do it? Instead of ignoring, try instigating.

Don't just spend all day being lazy—take care of yourself.

Don't just spend all day being lazy—take care of yourself.

5. Stop Being Frumpy

Don't give up on you. There is only one you, and you deserve to take good care of yourself. Sure, it's not easy when you work full-time and have children to tend, a house to clean, and a job to do. We're all busy, but it's still important to show up as the best version of yourself, day after day. Stop making excuses for why you can't work out, shower, eat right, or brush your teeth. Just do it.

Laying around all day might feel good for a couple of hours, but soon you'll get stiff and the laziness won't be fun anymore. Eating poorly, getting heavy, and being unkempt simply aren't healthy. Taking care of yourself is not only important for you, but it also makes a huge impact on your relationship. If you care about yourself, you are more able to care about your partner. If you feel good, then you'll have more energy and will want to have more fun.

Put Your Energy Into Self-Care and Self-Love

  • Exercise early before anyone else gets out of bed. Take some time for you!
  • While you enjoy your breakfast or coffee in the morning, find some time to quiet your mind and meditate or pray.
  • Clean yourself up: Make appointments for your hair, your nails, a massage, or whatever makes you feel good.
  • If you can't afford these things, then find a friend and work out a trade. Do what you can to take care of yourself and stop letting yourself go.

It's important to show up to your own life: Be nice, act like an adult, stop whining and complaining all the time, enjoy intimacy, and take care of yourself. With these five easy steps, you can show up to your life and show up for your partner. You will feel better and your relationship will improve almost immediately.

This article is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge. Content is for informational or entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for personal counsel or professional advice in business, financial, legal, or technical matters.

© 2018 Deborah Reno


Deborah Reno (author) from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD on May 14, 2018:

@dashingscorpio, You are so wise and so well spoken.

I love your analogy of a garden. We must nurture what we want to thrive.

Thanks so much for reading and taking the time to comment!


dashingscorpio from Chicago on May 06, 2018:

Sound advice!

"Be Nice. That's really the long and the short of being in a {successful} relationship. - Very true!

"And when your partner does something you don't like, it becomes even easier to get mean. It begins with snarky comments, murmured under your breath." - Also sad and true!

I suspect once couples are done with the "infatuation phase" of their relationship and there is an "emotional investment" or "commitment" they begin to feel "safe enough" to be brutally honest about what they think without the (fear) of their mate walking out on them.

It's either a lack of fear or simply no longer caring if they do leave! Granted some people are drawn towards "b*tches" & "a-holes".

Several years ago I had a woman on HP post a comment on one of my hubs where she said: "I'm so glad to be done with the dating game. You're always having to {watch} what you say, how you act, and dress. Once you're married you can {relax}."

That's like getting a new job and believing people stopped emailing resumes to the company you work for!

This woman was on her 3rd marriage. hmmmm

Love is like a garden; Nurture it, it thrives. Neglect it, it dies.

Deborah Reno (author) from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD on May 04, 2018:

Mary, thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I appreciate your honesty. I wrote this article after realizing that I've been quite a brat. I feel bad for my husband, and I hope others can learn from my mistakes. You are absolutely right, you have to work on yourself and your relationship every day.

Wishing you all the best,


Mary Norton from Ontario, Canada on May 01, 2018:

If you want your relationship to work well, you need to work at it everyday. You are right. Stop being a brat. I am guilty of the things you said in the beginning but after several years, I have learned to tone myself down.

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