My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.
This question is not for the booty callers. This is a question you might ask yourself (as well as your friends) when you're talking or dating a man who seems to be playing games with your emotions, and possibly your heart. He calls sporadically, he's not into holidays, he's a lazy dater, he's a man with an ending, he's just filling a void—whatever the reason is, you start to question if he's even in the running to be "the one." Ladies, if you have to ask yourself this, it's probably time to move on and delete his number from your phone.
Why do you feel it's important to keep his number in your phone?
The ego is a devious thing...it might tell you to keep his number so you know not to pick up when he calls, but the reality is that you hope that he will call (there is a satisfaction of knowing you're on his mind). The ego might also convince you that if you allow enough time to pass, he will definitely start to miss you. Why wouldn't he all of a sudden start to realize he misses you if you stay strong and not contact him (for days, weeks or possible months)? Doesn't it work in most romantic movies? If you're mimicking your life based on romantic movies, you should probably have a serious talk with yourself.
Men who do not put effort into calling and seeing you will not care if you cut the communication off (unless his primary goal is to sleep with you, and he hasn’t).
When you take the power in your hands by deleting a guy’s number from your phone, it will empower you—making a statement to yourself and the universe that you deserve better, and are done with all the games. By believing this, you will start to attract better quality men.....and don't you deserve that?
You should never settle for anyone who doesn't treat you with respect and love.
A man should cherish the fact that you have trusted him with your number. He should take the time and effort to contact you, why ask for your number and then play games? If he asked for your number, he should at least be sincere and make the effort to contact you, or why ask at all? If he can't do that, he shouldn't have asked for your number to begin with, and if his interests in you has faded, he should be honest and let you know.
Sometime ladies you need to take actions in your own hands. If the texts and calls are fading, instead of playing the guessing game—ask him what's going on. There could be many reasons, and maybe they are not about you. After you ask him, and he claims he is still interested, but his pattern still doesn't change—the communication keeps lacking—at what point do you still keep playing the "victim?" By keeping his number you are choosing to deal with the emotional roller coaster he's putting you through—not him.
No one likes to throw in the towel and give up on the possibility of love—I know that I don't.
I remember when I was dating a guy about thirteen years ago—who clearly, through his actions was no longer into me. Needless to say, this was a hard thing for my ego to swallow. I pretended as if nothing had officially changed between us—"he was just really busy with work and personal things in his life." This was such a great story that even my friends bought it, until they started questioning why they hadn't seen him lately. Once the questions started feeling like interrogations, it made me have to take ownership of what the reality was—or so I thought. Although I reluctantly got on the bandwagon with my friends that he didn't deserve me, and the game he was playing was unacceptable, my denial was stronger, causing me to keep his number in my phone.
I kept his number hoping that he would realize in time that I was the one. By being patient, and giving him the space that he obviously needed, how could he not see how cool of a girl I really was, and start calling and professing his love. This was nothing but self-torture, especially when I would drink and be pining to talk to him—the pains of wanting him to call and not understanding what happened were heart wrenching. Furthermore, my friends were sick of hearing about it—could I blame them? I was sick of hearing myself talk about him.
When I took the step to delete his number it empowered me beyond belief. The enticement of wanting to reach out to him lessened everyday, since I didn’t have the crutch of his number at my fingertips. This not only helped me move on, but it helped me to heal—to the point that I finally stopped thinking about him.
This guy called weeks later, almost like he knew I was finally over him. I didn't know it was him since his information was no longer stored in my phone. When I heard the "I miss you message" he left, it didn't emotionally effect me. I didn't feel any need to return his obnoxiously late phone call. I felt that at this point, with so much time that had passed, there was nothing to say. It wasn't like we were friends, because friends treat each other better than that—or at least mine do.
More weeks passed, and I did end up bumping into him at a venue—more empowered and definitely not interested in having a relationship with him at all—as he explained how sorry he was and that he was dealing with ex-girlfriend issues when we were dating. So sad....too bad.
Ladies, if a guy can't be honest with you from the start and clue you in on what's going on with his life, and instead chooses the "no contact" route, he's not that into you, doesn't respect you and is immature. Is this the type of guy you would really want to be with? When something that's difficult for him to handle happens again, is he just going to put you on silent pause? In my situation I was not willing to find out.
Bottom-line, when you value yourself you will realize when enough is enough, and find the strength within yourself to not deal with a man who doesn't appreciate you. Why hang onto a phone number(s) of a passed, failed relationship? Let go of the past, purge your phone of these worthless numbers, and open your heart to finding a future with a man who appreciates you.
This article is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge. Content is for informational or entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for personal counsel or professional advice in business, financial, legal, or technical matters.
Lee on March 06, 2019:
I find myself in a much more awkward position. The guy that I have been seeing for the last few months is also my best friend of 8 years. The last 3 years we have been intimate on and off up until the last few months we actually admitted our feeling for each other and yes we both said the 'L' word to each other. The last couple of week have been a communication breakdown and we had an small debate over the weekend to wich I apologised for the next day. I have not heard from him since which is gaining on 4 days now, and its scary to think that if I delete him then I will be deleting a friendship which was a really strong one. I haver no regrets having our friendship become an relationship but now im in two minds of whether it is worth continuing or not. I am also not prepared to contact him if he has not got the decency to to even drop an text message after I had apologised. I would really appreciate any good feedback you could give me. Is it worth me continuing or should I lose everything with him altogether?
Stephanie Bailey (author) from Denver on May 14, 2018:
Lans, sorry to hear the drama you are going through.
If you are asking if you should delete his number then you already know the answer. So often we hang onto relationships that we know deep down inside are not right for us because we are afraid to be alone, our egos take control or we convince ourselves that we won't find another guy to show interest or "caring" or "love" for us. STOP! No one should make you feel less then or question the relationship you are in. We teach men how to treat us when we decide (because it is our choice) to hang on to men who treat us subpar or crappy.
A man who genuinely cares for you will work hard at proving that and at protecting your heart. He will not play games and he will see you for the Queen and valuable prize that you are---doing everything he can to make you feel secure, valued and a top priority in his life. My question to you....do you know you deserve better?
Thank you for reading.
Lans on April 19, 2018:
Ok so me and this guy has been talking for a while, he gives me mixed signals, like he would talk to me for hours face to face after gym, he'd call and we'd speak for plus minus 2 hours, but the thing is he doesn't want to do anything with me ever we're not dating we are kinda friends, he told me he's not interested, he's seeing someone at the moment, he told me can still talk ect.. if I wanted to he said he still wants to talk.. the other day a broadcast a photo to my contact that has a scripture in, he replied with, it's weird that you send me this picture and it feels like I have to look for a secret message within it, so I told him it's not weird and there is no secret messages to reserve, later that night he told me it's better if we don't talk over the phone anymore, I replied with I don't think so, but if it's what you want who am I to stand in your way.. he haven't replied but still has my number!! Why?? So that I'm his backup plan?? Should I delete his number??
Cora on March 11, 2018:
I have just experienced my partner ghosting me .I felt so hurt as wasn’t expecting it.I would buy him lots of gifts.And also money.To me it is so cruel.But also gave me the silent treatment.I just cannot understand why he just couldn’t say he didn’t want to see me again.I truly hurt
Stephanie Bailey (author) from Denver on March 04, 2018:
LaTrice, it feels good to feel empowered again....cheers to you! Thank you for sharing your story and thank you for reading.
LaTrice from Las Vegas, NV on March 03, 2018:
I enjoyed reading the article. Women don't understand the power they possess when they have the opportunity to decide who's welcomed into their life, and who's no longer welcomed.
It felt invigorating to take back control of my life when I ended the relationship with my ex-boyfriend. He only called or texted me whenever it was convenient for him to get together, which I find unacceptable. Despite addressing his atrocious behavior, such as not extending the invitation to attend concerts and birthday parties, he was on the defense. According to him, he was "too busy" to keep in touch with me on a regular basis. It's nothing but excuses.
It was mentally and emotionally daunting to figure out how my ex-boyfriend was doing. I shouldn't have to spend the rest of my days worrying about him, so I walked away. I know I deserve better, and not obligated to lower my standards.
Thank you for sharing your story.
Ed on January 30, 2018:
Delete that number! Never needed it before did you? I hope she feels better now that I moved on.
Jean on September 09, 2017:
I needed this too...thanks. Deleting his number now. Sick of waiting and wondering while, I'm sure, he's doing fine!
Kea on June 14, 2017:
I really needed this! Thank you!