Should You Keep Pictures of Your Ex?
You are in a new relationship, but still have pictures of your ex.
Do you keep them, or not?
A local radio station, here in Seattle, has Therapy Thursdays where they choose a listener's problem/question for other listeners to call in and give their advice about.
A recent question was from a woman about to move in with her boyfriend. The boyfriend still had a picture of his ex-wife, with whom he has children, hanging in his home. The woman thinks he should take the picture down, but he doesn't think he should.
The majority of the callers said he needs to get rid of the picture.
However, I can't agree that he should get rid of the picture.
Every relationship requires understanding, trust, and compromise. If you are ready to move in with somebody, you need to have all three of those things first.
In this case, the picture isn't merely of an ex, but the mother of this man's children. I can understand that it might be uncomfortable for the woman to be uncomfortable with a picture of her mate's ex-wife hanging in her home. But, will she also be uncomfortable with the children coming around and talking about their mother? The children are also constant reminders of a romantic relationship that no longer exists.
In my opinion, the best solution to this problem is a compromise: put the picture up in the children's room. This way, it is still in the home, but not in the ordinary living areas.
When should you get rid of pictures?
I do not advise every couple to keep pictures of their exes around after embarking in a new, serious relationship. So, when do you get rid of the pictures?
If your new love interest is really threatened and insecure about you keeping pictures of your ex, it might be because you put a lot of importance on your past relationship. As a way to show how much more important your new relationship is, you can get rid of old pictures.
You can also compromise by putting the pictures away. Especially if the pictures are group shots, with other friends, they might be fun to look at in twenty years. If you and your new love are still together then, old picturesof an ex shouldn't be a big deal by then.
What I don't recommend is point blank refusing to get rid of pictures.
The best way to dealing with this situations is talking about it--I don't mean arguing or fighting, but actually talking about it.
A healthy relationship can only exist with a lot of open communication. If both of you can express your reasons for wanting to keep or get rid of the pictures, you will both learn a lot about your relationship. In fact, it might be the thing that keeps you from becoming exes.