I love women and everything about them, they have no equal in my eyes.
My girlfriend and I were lying in bed last night, and as is so often the case in our half-awake discussions, we stumbled upon something new to us. Vulgarity is a massive, integral piece of the infrastructure for our relationship. Having discovered this facet of our romantic entanglement, I wondered to myself whether or not others would appreciate expanding on this topic?
So, are you ready?
Defining the Importance of Vulgarity in Your Relationship
Now, normally I tend to disagree with literal definitions because their rigidity doesn't correlate with the casual use of the terms, but in this case I feel the literal definitions encapsulate the essence of vulgarity as it concerns relationships quite well. In your relationship, there is no doubt that one of you is more vulgar than the other, and this applies to you both on a myriad of topics in which you both will be exchanging the role of "the vulgar one."
It is the human dynamic to have your kinks and quirks, but that doesn't mean you're obligated to accept nor put up with the vulgarity of another individual. Nor does it mean you have to hide or repress your own vulgarity for the sake of someone else. However, the key here is to identify, measure, and adapt to every situation in which vulgarity seduces, or conversely repulses those you wish to attract.
Differing Levels of Vulgarity
Having a vastly different sense of vulgarity, and moreover a different level of cultural standard, can lead to a distancing between the two of you. This distancing may only be figurative, as you may see yourselves literally clashing and colliding over your differences. We all have different levels of vulgarity that we can tolerate without actively focusing on adapting, and if you don't recognize this for yourselves then the relationship is going to get bumpy quite quick.
Take for example when you or your partner are with their friends and close relatives, entire movies and scenes have been written around the concept of, "interpersonal vulgarity," and it is especially prevalent in Rom-Coms. It is usually the case that you get to see your significant other in a light they don't usually portray themselves, and for the sake of clarity we are going to use men and their friends as an example. Men and their friends tend to take vulgarity to a level many feminists have written novels about, even I've written articles on the subject.
Take for example your husband or boyfriend hanging out in the garage with his buddies, and you overhear a raucous laughter that brings cause for your investigation of what could be so humorous. You open the door to the garage, and a scene of vulgar horrors is now all too apparent: Your husband is holding a lit lighter just behind the butt of his best friend, which is pointed toward the guy you just met on the couch across from them, and they are turning farts into a flamethrower.
"Wow, just wow," is all you can think to yourself as you slowly close the door and go back to what you were doing before you were so shockingly traumatized by this unexpected, vulgar scene starring your significant other. It can be a deal breaker for many, but perhaps you and your partner mesh well.
A Helpful Resource for Those Struggling
The Art of Seduction is a must-have for any individual who is looking to master the games of dating and relationships. Not only does this wonderful book teach you how to seduce, the proper way, but how to eliminate vulgarity within yourself for your own benefit. There is a way to be vulgar, without seeming vulgar, and that is something we could all benefit from learning!
If you are more the moralistic type, then I advise you pick up this book as a way to gird your loins, because this book will teach the difference between someone who simply wants to get you in bed, and the one worth giving in to. It never hurts to stay knowledgeable, and this book will see to it that you don't enter the game of seduction unprepared.
When You Mesh Well
There are those of us who have found the one that we mesh with on every level, even when it seems like we are butting heads, and this is what I describe as "valued vulgarity" within the relationship. The scene I mentioned in the previous section is one in which my girlfriend could walk in on, me taking center stage, and she would probably grab a seat next to the guy across from the fart flamethrower asking, "What the f&%$ are you guys up to now?"
To which I would promptly and excitedly respond, "Watch this!" as I singe her eyebrows off and we all laugh about it.
However, that doesn't mean we do not butt heads and clash every now and again. For example, when I want to discuss a serious topic such as politics or religion she does not have the knowledge necessary to take any serious part in expanding on the conversation, and this can be a bore and off putting for me. Equally so is when she would like to discuss lighthearted topics, fluffy and shallow things like going on vacations in the future, and I'm quickly bored by the idea as it is so one-off and my disinterest puts a damper on her excitement.
The way we clash is something we recognize as necessary, because where she has her head in the clouds and feet on the ground, I have my head in outer space and could easily drift away into eternity. She keeps me grounded, and I keep her seeking higher knowledge. This is the "valued vulgarity" dynamic that keeps the fires of passion going.
It's Black and White Without Adaptation
Is the vulgarity of your partner starting to wear your patience too thin? Are you ready to throw in the towel because neither of you are changing, and the last year has been carried on the back of one fight and apology after another seeming to have no light at the end of the tunnel? Have things come to the point where vulgarity is something you cannot adapt to any further without giving up who you are as a person, and the quality of life you wish to achieve?
That's okay! Go ahead and throw in the towel, it doesn't have to be permanent, or it can be a forever deal as well! There is never a need to try to force a relationship when you've tried all you could, and if it is beginning to affect you so deeply that you're considering changing your own desires for life then I'd suggest taking it to the level of temporary, or permanent, cessation of the relationship.
Adaptation to one another, your wants, fantasies, goals, and most importantly your level of vulgarity in every situation, is a key to successful relationships. In recognizing this, you're already ten steps ahead of the game. If you, and/or your partner are unwilling to adapt, then your answer to the problem is black and white: Stay and suffer through it, or leave and find a new partner.
If you are willing to adapt, however, with your current partner or perhaps trying with a new one, keep vulgarity in mind and keep an eye out for this trait in yourself and your muse. It is an omnipresent trait, and one that could spell doom if not caught onto as early as possible!
Kyler J Falk (author) from Corona, CA on April 23, 2020:
Ah, a time and place that must be learned by most. We can't all be naturals, and where the time and place is appropriate for us and our companions others will always frown upon it. Growing up rich and privileged, albeit abused into unhealthiness, "vulgarity" applied more to what others would call "culture". Where I can fit in with the "cultured" there are others who would be rejected. And where I would be rejected, others would fit in.
It is a very important trait that applies in almost every situation, so long as we seek to understand both the literal and colloquial usage of the term itself. As you put it, there are those who want it missionary every time, and there are those who want it tied up and hanging from the ceiling. A complex topic, too many facets for a simple article, but at least I tried I suppose.
Thanks for reading, Shauna! I'll do better next time!
Shauna L Bowling from Central Florida on April 23, 2020:
There's a time and place for vulgarity, Kyler. It can come in handy when seeking a respite from the same old, same old in the bedroom. I'm not really sure if I'd call it vulgarity, but I'd definitely call it letting your hair down and acting out your fantasies.