50 Signs He's Not Seeing a Future With You

Updated on November 21, 2016
Miss-Adventures profile image

My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.

Ladies, I've said this over and over again—men are not as complicated as we would like to think. If he is interested in a future with you, he will make the effort for that to happen...period!

Why is the concept that a man will do everything possible if he's interested in a future; aka marriage, so hard for women to believe? Maybe it is because giving reasons to the contrary makes us feel better. What woman wants to believe that she's not "good enough" for a guy, or that he doesn't see spending the rest of his life (which is statistically usually shorter than hers) with her? Usually we hang on to the bad relationships, or sugarcoat the facts because it's ego crushing, heart breaking, disappointing, and frankly depressing to think any differently. Many women would rather be in a stagnate relationship, then no relationship at all. Really?!

Has the thought of being alone become so repellant that we convince ourselves that we would rather be with someone—even if the relationship will never progress to the next level, then no one? This unhealthy story we tend to tell ourselves (and our friends) might seem less painful then the truth, but is it? The older you get, the harder it is to find true love. Why would you spend your time—months, possibly years, with a guy who is giving signs of no permanent future? If you really want marriage, then holding on to a guy who doesn't have the same vision will only prolong what you want.

I have many friends that are happily married and they all have the same story about how their boyfriends (at the time) worked hard to make them feel special—knowing that they were "the one" and making them their wives. These men put the w in wooing and c in chivalry. As one of my friends said, "He always did the little things to show me he cared." Another friend stated that, "He never played games. He always showed and communicated how much he cared—I always felt important no matter what was going on in his life."

Feeling important in a man’s life should never feel secondary if he honestly wants to build a relationship with you. A guy who sees a future with you won't play games: i.e. waiting days/weeks to call or using the "busy" speech for why he can't possibly make the time to see you.

Just like a lot of things when it comes to men, if you get out of la-la land, and take notice to his actions, you will realize that there are signs that a permanent future is not in the cards for you. Sorry. But, luckily to every man who does not see you as long term, there are many more men with the possibility of being the right fit—and you only need one.

50 signs he's not seeing a future with you:

  1. He still has ex-wife/girlfriend drama
  2. He talks about his ex-girlfriend/wife A Lot
  3. His work schedule doesn't permit time—he’s just too busy
  4. He travels a great deal (personal and professional)—never asking you to join
  5. He's strategic about when he calls/text messages
  6. He has no interest in meeting your friends
  7. He adds more activities to his already busy life
  8. Expects you to split the cost, pick up the tab, or will complain when he pays for dates (during the courting stages, very uncool)
  9. He never plans trips/romantic getaways with you
  10. He avoids spending holidays with you
  11. You only communicate through text messages
  12. He hasn't introduced you to his friends
  13. You hang out together only at odd hours
  14. He never makes plans to see you, it's usually random
  15. Most or all dates are during the day or late night versus early evenings
  16. Doesn't open up about his past
  17. He has no problem checking his email or answering his phone often, versus keeping his attention on you
  18. Doesn't give compliments
  19. Uncomfortable with any form of PDA (public displays of affection)—he will only kiss you in private
  20. You do the same thing when you go out—not much effort in his planning
  21. You've never been to his house
  22. He never picks you up for dates
  23. He never comes to your place
  24. Never makes plans to see you on a weekend night
  25. He doesn't ask questions about your family or past, and never speaks of the future
  26. He doesn't invite you along on his plans
  27. You go days, possibly weeks without talking/hearing from him
  28. He doesn't notice your new hair style or other changes
  29. He's doesn't show interest in what you do professionally
  30. When it comes to your passions, he isn't supportive
  31. He's not there for you when you’re sick, or someone you cared about has died
  32. Will comb his house to make sure that you haven't left anything behind
  33. Not making an effort to come to you—you are always going to him
  34. He always uses work as an excuse for not having time for you
  35. He works hard at winning your affections in the beginning, but then his interest quickly subsides
  36. One minute he "loves you," the next he's "not sure if the relationship will work" (back and forth with his emotions)
  37. He never does anything special for you (flowers, dinners, gifts or even little things)
  38. Your relationship revolves more around sex than dating
  39. He never invites you to important events in his life (work events, weddings, friends b-days, family events, etc)
  40. He makes excuses for why he can't see you, versus figuring out ways to see you
  41. Time with his guy friends is WAY more important than time with you
  42. If he has kids he will avoid you ever meeting them—even after months of dating—proclaiming that it's something that the kids are not ready for, even though his ex has introduced them to boyfriends, or has a new husband.
  43. Spending time together is always in a group situation
  44. Doesn't remember basic things about you—i.e. birthdate, middle name, sibling’s names, where you grew up, what you do for a living, your pet’s name(s), favorite color, etc.
  45. Doesn't remember allergies (peanut, fish, gluten, dairy, etc)
  46. He's very combative with you—constantly picking arguments
  47. He never wants to do any activities or events that you want to do—it's only about him
  48. Doesn't validate your feelings
  49. Wants to have an open relationship
  50. Doesn't think that "labels"—i.e. girlfriend/significant other, are important

There are many more signs, however these are some of the top ones. Are you realizing these signs and being honest with yourself or are you making excuses to prolong the inevitable heartbreak? Obviously, like most lists, if only one or two situations on this list has happened, and you haven't been dating very long, it might not be a total disastrous dating situation to give up on. But, if several things on this list have resonated with you—buyer beware! Life is too short to be hanging on to Mr. Wrong!

When a man invests in you emotionally, mentally, physically and financially—then he's truly invested in you for the long term. This does not mean that you should expect him to be your sugar daddy or that you should never do things to also make him feel special. It means that a man who cares and can see forever, will want to pull out all the stops to keep you and make you feel special.

Ladies, communication is always important, however many men have a hard time with it. For many men, their communication technique is through their actions, and how they treat you. If you think your relationship isn't going to the next level, it's probably not. Instead of hanging on to a relationship that is going nowhere, find a new one with a guy that only sees a long, bright, loving future together. Remember, a guy who really wants to be with you, will move heaven and earth to do so.


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    • profile image

      prii 7 weeks ago

      40 to 42 points are there in my case .. just depressed about it

    • profile image

      Diana 4 months ago

      Really sad for me

    • profile image

      Mel 4 months ago

      Why is it when you try and talk with your man about something that is important to you. They get annoyed and show they are interested in talking about things. I dont know how i can work things out with him if we cant talk about it. Feeling convenient and not good enough

    • Stacie L profile image

      Stacie L 10 months ago

      Yes, the older I become, the less tolerant I become, when it comes to a man who isn't doing the right thing. Good article!

    • Miss-Adventures profile image

      Stephanie Bailey 3 years ago from Denver

      Completely agree dashingscorpio, and thank you so much for the Vote up and for reading. :)

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 3 years ago

      Voted up, useful, and awesome!

      If someone thinks you're worth the effort they will make the effort.