My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.
He Will Make the Effort If He Is Interested!
Ladies, I've said this over and over again—men are not as complicated as we would like to think. If he is interested in a future with you, he will make the effort for that to happen . . . period!
Why is the concept that a man will do everything possible if he's interested in a future—aka marriage—so hard for women to believe? Maybe it is because giving reasons to the contrary makes us feel better. What a woman wants to believe that she's not "good enough" for a guy, or that he doesn't see spending the rest of his life (which is statistically usually shorter than hers) with her? Usually, we hang on to the bad relationships or sugarcoat the facts because it's ego-crushing, heartbreaking, disappointing, and frankly depressing to think any differently. Many women would rather be in a stagnant relationship than no relationship at all. Really?!
Has the thought of being alone become so repellant that we convince ourselves that we would rather be with someone—even if the relationship will never progress to the next level? This unhealthy story we tend to tell ourselves (and our friends) might seem less painful than the truth, but is it? The older you get, the harder it is to find true love. Why would you spend your time—months, possibly years, with a guy who is giving signs of no permanent future? If you really want marriage, then holding on to a guy who doesn't have the same vision will only prolong what you want.
I have many friends that are happily married, and they all have the same story about how their boyfriends (at the time) worked hard to make them feel special—knowing that they were "the one" and making them their wives. These men put the "w" in wooing and "c" in chivalry. As one of my friends said, "He always did the little things to show me he cared." Another friend stated, "He never played games. He always showed and communicated how much he cared—I always felt important no matter what was going on in his life."
Feeling important in a man’s life should never feel secondary if he honestly wants to build a relationship with you. A guy who sees a future with you won't play games; e.g., waiting days or weeks to call, or using the "busy" speech for why he can't possibly make the time to see you.
Just like a lot of things when it comes to men, if you get out of la-la land and take notice of his actions, you will realize that there are signs that a permanent future is not in the cards for you. Sorry. But, luckily to every man who does not see you as long term, there are many more men with the possibility of being the right fit—and you only need one.
50 Signs He's Doesn't See a Future With You
- He still has ex-wife/girlfriend drama.
- He talks about his ex-girlfriend/wife, A LOT.
- His work schedule doesn't permit time—he’s just too busy.
- He travels a great deal (personal and professional)—never asking you to join.
- He's strategic about when he calls or sends text messages.
- He has no interest in meeting your friends.
- He adds more activities to his already busy life
- He expects you to split the cost, pick up the tab, or will complain when he pays for dates (during the courting stages, very uncool).
- He never plans trips or romantic getaways with you.
- He avoids spending holidays with you.
- You only communicate through text messages.
- He hasn't introduced you to his friends.
- You hang out together only at odd hours.
- He never makes plans to see you; it's usually random.
- Most or all of the dates are during the day or late night—versus early evenings.
- He doesn't open up about his past.
- He has no problem checking his email or answering his phone often, versus keeping his attention on you.
- He doesn't give compliments anymore.
- He is uncomfortable with any form of PDA (public displays of affection)—he will only kiss you in private.
- You do the same thing when you go out—not much effort in his planning.
- You've never been to his house.
- He never picks you up for dates.
- He never comes to your place.
- Never makes plans to see you on a weekend night.
- He doesn't ask questions about your family or past, and never speaks of the future.
- He doesn't invite you along on his plans.
- You go days, possibly weeks, without talking or hearing from him.
- He doesn't notice your new hairstyle or other changes.
- He's doesn't show interest in what you do professionally.
- When it comes to your passions, he isn't supportive.
- He's not there for you when you’re sick, or when someone you cared about has died.
- He will comb his house to make sure that you haven't left anything behind.
- Not making an effort to come to you—you are always going to him.
- He always uses work as an excuse for not having time for you.
- He works hard at winning your affections in the beginning, but then his interest quickly subsides.
- One minute he "loves you," the next he's "not sure if the relationship will work" (back and forth with his emotions).
- He never does anything special for you (flowers, dinners, gifts, or even little things).
- Your relationship revolves more around sex than dating.
- He never invites you to important events in his life (work events, weddings, friends' birthdays, family events, etc.).
- He makes excuses for why he can't see you versus figuring out ways to see you.
- Time with his guy friends is WAY more important than time with you.
- If he has kids, he will avoid your ever meeting them—even after months of dating—proclaiming that it's something that the kids are not ready for, even though his ex has introduced them to boyfriends or has a new husband.
- Spending time together is always in a group situation.
- He doesn't remember basic things about you—e.g., birthdate, middle name, sibling’s names, where you grew up, what you do for a living, your pet’s name(s), favorite color, etc.
- He doesn't remember your allergies (peanut, fish, gluten, dairy, etc.).
- He's very combative with you—constantly picking arguments.
- He never wants to do any activities or events that you want to do—it's only about him.
- He Doesn't validate your feelings.
- Wants to have an open relationship.
- Doesn't think that "labels"—e.g., "girlfriend" or "significant other" are important.
There are many more signs; however, these are some of the top ones. Are you realizing these signs and being honest with yourself, or are you making excuses to prolong the inevitable heartbreak?
Obviously, like most lists, if only one or two situations on this list have happened, and you haven't been dating very long, it might not be a total disastrous dating situation to give up on. But, if several things on this list have resonated with you—buyer beware! Life is too short to be hanging on to Mr. Wrong!
Don't Be Fooled By What He Says, Look at What He Does
When a man invests in you emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially—then he's truly invested in you for the long term. This does not mean that you should expect him to be your sugar daddy or that you should never do things to also make him feel special. It means that a man who cares and can see forever will want to pull out all the stops to keep you and make you feel special. If he has stopped doing those things or he has never done them, that is a clear indication that his interest in you as a long term partner is not there.
Ladies, communication is always important, however many men have a hard time with it. For many men, their communication technique is through their actions and how they treat you. If you think your relationship isn't going to the next level, it's probably not. Instead of hanging on to a relationship that is going nowhere, find a new one with a guy that only sees a long, bright, loving future together. Remember, a guy who really wants to be with you will move heaven and earth to do so.
© 2014 Stephanie Bailey
Ghosttransit on March 27, 2020:
wow! He was into you to begin with, then you stopped talking like adult humans and began with Daddys little Princess act! yep! My interest subsides quick when the woman i was initially & genuinely attracted with, is now exerting controlled expectations....ends with resentments.Sure I appreciate your helping others avoid 'Da Playa Aholes' Be real! call him over and discuss the items on list together. Nah easy, acknowledge that if her self esteem is directly connected to this mostly BS list RUN she a creature!!!!!!!!!!
Carla on November 24, 2019:
Never been to his house.
LoveBlind on July 03, 2019:
The guy I like only communicates (via text) only when I initiate texting. Once in a blue moon, he will text that he loves me and wants intimacy but does not invite me around. Months go by without seeing him- I have only seen him three times this year. Have never been introduced to his friends/family, was invited to dinner once at his home, but he then said he was uninviting me. Have never once been on a proper date with him as all meetings were at his house, a few at my home, initially. Met him in Dec 2015. Thank you for your list - it's the final nail(male?) in the coffin!
Chuck Evans on January 17, 2019:
I see the point here, however I also see a pattern that is repeated over and over again with female centric relationship advice. The theme seems to be that one person's ideal for the relationship HAS to dominate the others. If the guy is being non-commital, the girl has to prevail with her wishes or she has failed. What a bunch of B.S. Why do relationship rules have to fit this narrow pattern. Are you not writing this with the expressed purpose of helping women be unhappy with the not getting what they want? Has is that better than what they have? Are you, the writer, only fullfilled when you have destroyed every relationship that does not meet YOUR standards? Maybe, just maybe, the women in this situation have a hand in the outcome as well. Your characterization of them could not paint them as more helpless if you tried. And, ostensibly, the magic bullet for their discontent is ditching the whole thing because it MUST be his fault if it isn't working. How absolutely self serving, How many men have left you behind? Maybe the common factor is you.
Stephanie Bailey (author) from Denver on September 11, 2018:
If you have notice that more than 1/2 on this list applies to you instead of being sad, empower yourself by knowing that you do deserve someone who will treat you better. So often we hang on to the wrong relationships because we are comfortable with our partners, we are afraid to be alone or we have convinced ourselves that we don't deserve better. We do, however staying in a relationship with someone who doesn't see a future with us is only holding us back from finding lasting love. We hold the key to our own happiness.
Stop believing that you only deserve mediocre and that you'll never find anyone else. You will. Love Yourself, be patience in this process and have faith. Lasting Love will cone!
Ley on August 03, 2018:
i think 90% of those is applicable to my situation now.. sad:( can someone slap me ?? :(
Elsa Wood on July 13, 2018:
prii on December 27, 2017:
40 to 42 points are there in my case .. just depressed about it
Diana on October 20, 2017:
Really sad for me
Mel on September 24, 2017:
Why is it when you try and talk with your man about something that is important to you. They get annoyed and show they are interested in talking about things. I dont know how i can work things out with him if we cant talk about it. Feeling convenient and not good enough
Stacie L on April 03, 2017:
Yes, the older I become, the less tolerant I become, when it comes to a man who isn't doing the right thing. Good article!
Stephanie Bailey (author) from Denver on July 14, 2014:
Completely agree dashingscorpio, and thank you so much for the Vote up and for reading. :)
dashingscorpio from Chicago on June 30, 2014:
Voted up, useful, and awesome!
If someone thinks you're worth the effort they will make the effort.