My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.
Even when we realize a guy is not right for us, his skills in the bedroom might keep us intrigued a lot longer than we anticipated.
Let's keep it real ladies, great sex can be hard (really hard) to find, let alone walk away from.
Finding a guy who can give us the warm and fuzzies—down there—just by hearing his voice, how he touches and kisses us or even looks at us, is often rare and unique. Add in the fact that he is a master in the boudoir—it's like winning the sex lottery. Cha-Ching!
Although the perfect scenario would be that he is also the man of our dreams—often times he is not. Great.
Walking Away From Great Sexual Chemistry Can Be Hard to Do
Unfortunately, the guy who has this magical sexual touch is not always attached to the man that we envision (minus the mind-blowing sex) spending the rest of our lives with. Convincing ourselves to not get sidetracked on our journey to finding love (and what we genuinely want in a man) can be extremely hard when we come across mind-blowing dick.
Walking away from a guy who can rock our sexual world can be sexually, painfully hard to do. Should we keep enjoying the amazing sex we are having even after we realize he is not “the one” or do we leave?
Instead of ending things right away, we will often convince ourselves that the answer is in a coin toss—that of course we have to keep playing—until reality finally sets in.
Letting go of incredible sex can be difficult to do.
Once we feel such intense sexual chemistry, the need to continue feeling this (aka him) can be addicting to the point that we forget all logic and forgo our non-negotiables.
Confusing Incredible Sex With Love
Incredible sex that turns us on just by thinking about a guy can make us believe the feelings we are experiencing is actually love.
But is it love when:
- we argue all the time—but have lots and lots of make-up sex.
- he is annoying and gets on our nerves—except when he’s naked and on top of us.
- we have nothing in common with him—except great sex.
- he rarely contributes a genuine effort towards the relationship—except when we are having sex.
- he has zero to little confidence—but he is unusually confident in the bedroom.
Sex has a funny way of convincing us that all the warm and fuzzy feelings we are experiencing is love. Don't get it twisted though, those feelings are usually lust. The evil thing about lust is that it will cause us to stay in a relationship not entirely healthy for us. Yikes!
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My Relationship With a Great Lover Who Was Not a Great Partner
I dated a guy who was fantastic in the bedroom, but subpar in a committed relationship.
I met him when I was working. He was confident and persistent in his approach, which was not only contagious, but immensely attractive.
The first time we had sex I was hooked. So hooked I couldn't think straight when I was around him. He had this unique skill of sexually arousing me just by the way he looked and spoke to me. When he kissed and touched me, the intensity of our chemistry was unreal. It was like he put a sexual spell on me that I couldn’t— and frankly, didn't—want to be released from.
Our intense sexual dating encounter lasted for several months before I was honest with myself that there was no future in store. This guy was narcissistic and we didn't have enough in common—except mind-blowing sex—which was definitely addicting and hard to kick.
Although I should have ended things way sooner than I did, every time I tried I would lose my train of thought and find myself dizzy with lust and naked in bed with him. This went on for several weeks until I realized the only way to end things was over the phone.
Adding Love to the Equation
Mind-blowing sex can be extremely hard to let go of when genuine love is added to the equation.
Loving a guy who is great in bed, but doesn't have enough commonalities to sustain the relationship can be sexually frustrating to walk away from.
I was in a relationship with a guy for almost a year. Several months into the relationship, I realized he was not my forever. But his skills in the bedroom kept me hooked to the point that I convinced myself that what he lacked in our relationship (and what I was looking for in a man) could be overlooked since he was incredible in bed. I was wrong.
The longer we dated, the more he became comfortable, revealing his true self. He lacked having a backbone when it came to important things in his life, and setting boundaries for himself became a difficult task. These qualities about him were unattractive. Also, his lack of ambition and confidence—except in the bedroom—made it harder and harder for me to justify continuing a relationship with him.
Every time he would annoy or frustrate me, I would remind myself how extremely confident he was when we were naked and he always rocked my sexual world. It was like he was Clark Kent and Superman—he was not someone I imagined being so amazing in bed since his normal life was so in shambles. This was surprising, but extremely hot.
"The longer we stay sexing the wrong guy, the more difficult finding the right one becomes. Although, we might get over a man by getting under a new one, we can't find love by being under the wrong one."
What Are We Willing to Give a Pass On for Great Sex?
Here's the thing—if we are keeping it real—finding a great lover sometimes means we will give him a pass (or several) for his subpar role in our life because we are penis-whipped.
When we are penis-whipped, a guy can be talking gibberish for all we care. He might even frustrate us by the idiotic things he says and does. He might lack common sense, make us want to pull our hair out or scream at the top of our lungs by how ridiculous his actions are.
He might even perform a disappearing act (or several) in our life, but the second he calls, kisses us, touches us and sexes us up, we forget about all his bullcrap. Wonderful.
Ladies, there is no shame if you are at a crossroads with needing to let a guy go because he's not your perfect match, even though his penis is. I get it.
However, great sex is never sustainable when there are too many issues that surface. The longer we stay sexing the wrong guy, the more difficult finding the right one becomes. Although, we might get over a man by getting under a new one, we can't find love by being under the wrong one.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.