Is He Your Vacation Bliss or Nightmare?
Some men will make a vacation or break one...
Vacations are not only important to help you rejuvenate and release stress, they can also be important in keeping a relationship healthy, fun, connected, and moving forward in the right direction. Unfortunately, there are people who will make excuses as to why they can't possibly take a vacation—causing more added stress into their life and emotional distance with their significant other.
When you vacation with a significant other you are not only creating memories, you are creating time to bond with each other—which is just as important for the growth of a relationship. There are some men who are great at vacationing—planning the perfect, fun, relaxing or adventurous vacation, while other men end up causing more stress.
You wouldn't think that the word stress would be attached to a vacation, but sometimes it is...
I dated a guy who was amazing at planning vacations. He not only loved to get away, he also acknowledged the importance of making the time to get away, regardless of how busy he was. He owned his own company, which was very labor intensive and had to deal with many stress related issues. Regardless, he would still plan time and trips for us.
We went on several vacations together and each one he planned with so much thought and consideration to what I also wanted. Although his vacation planning was always ten on a rating scale, his consistent horrible attitude before and after (and sometimes during) vacationing was shocking and confusing.
Days before our vacation he was always in a great mood until the day before we would leave and the day we would return...
This guy would purposely start fights for no reason, well, the reasons he chose were ridiculous. He fought with me over what he thought I should and should not pack. He fought with me if I didn't have an opinion on what he should or should not bring (even though he was a grown man). He also fought with me about what I should wear on the plane. Obviously his fights were surface stuff. We would go to bed mad, wake up mad, not speak on the way to the airport, in the airport and on the plane. So much fun, what a great way to start a vacation.
By the time we would land at our destination, he would be a completely different person—the perfect vacation guy. He would apologize for his crappy attitude and would become happier than a kid in a candy store. Our entire vacation would be fun, relaxing and loving. We would have adequate time to relax, explore, participate in activities, have romantic dinners and lots of sex—daily—bringing us extremely close. The entire time we vacationed, we had such a great time that neither one of us wanted to leave.
Well, not all great things are meant to last. When the vacation ended his crappy attitude appeared again...
Like clockwork, the day that we headed home he picked some ridiculous fight with me at the airport which made our flight home miserable. He accused me of wanting to be with one of the workers at a resort we stayed at. Really?! He said that I was too nice and flirty. Ok?! So he preferred that I was rude? We were together the entire time and I was just as nice to all the staff as he was. His reasoning for his arguments never made sense. As this became a pattern and childish fights started to occur during our vacations, I realized that he was not my vacationing man.
Not all men bring stress to vacations....
Another Ex loved to vacation and was also very great at picking out fun destinations. The difference with him was there was no drama before, after or during any trips we took. We agreed on everything and were in sync on most things. All we cared about was getting away, having uninterrupted quality time together and as much fun as possible.
Since my ex was a humorous guy, all of our trips were always entertaining to say the least and uniquely designed. Yay! He was the ultimate vacationing guy.
Trips don't have to be financially stressing...
Men, we tend to forget that vacations don't always have to be elaborate or crazy expensive. There are so many deals for great vacations if you take the time and energy to look and plan. If you have a significant other, throughout the year work on planning at least two trips together—and going to see your family or hers (unless it's in another country or somewhere exotic) does not count.
This isn't about breaking someone's bank, and if finances are an issue, plan on making one of those trips more simple and financial doable. Drive somewhere and go on a weekend getaway to the mountains, winery, beach, etc. Couples need one-on-one get out of town connection time. It's important.
I get that not every guy is independently wealthy, that's why pre-planning is important. Taking time to get away shows that you care and want to strengthen your relationship. I once had a guy not buy his lattes—which he purchased every day from Starbucks—because he really wanted to take a trip together. When there is a will, there is always a way.
Ladies, if you love to travel, find a man who loves to travel too—and has the right attitude when traveling. If he is so stressed out at the thought of going away—due to work, home stuff, children stuff, etc.—then mostly likely he will display negativity right before you depart. No one wants to feel an emotional strain with their partner before or on a vacation...that's a nightmare! A man who will make the time (and follow through) to get away with you, is man who sees value in you and your relationship.
Bottom line, if he is unwilling or makes excuses for not vacationing with you, find your independence—bring a close girlfriend or two, create your own adventure...and be open to what might come along. Vacations are necessary—for the mind, body and soul—and need to be stress-free, so start packing! Bon Voyage.