Is He Purposely Starting Stupid Fights With You?

Updated on April 10, 2017
Miss-Adventures profile image

My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.

There are some men who are very immature. Instead of choosing to have an adult conversation with you, they will instigate a stupid argument—a guy like this definitely takes the fun out of bantering.

I have found that men who love to banter a lot also love to start stupid fights. These types of arguments are either to distract you from why you were really mad to begin with or used to help keep him from emotionally connecting with you on a deeper level. The more fights he instigates, the greater the distance between the two of you. Often this is done subconsciously, but either way the end result is a failed relationship. It's almost as if he's trying to prove to himself that he is not worthy of being loved.

Since you don't know what it is that triggers these ridiculous fights, you will feel as though you are constantly on pins and needles around him, anxious that a fight may occur. It is extremely stressful and frustrating to be with a guy that you can't understand why he chooses the things he chooses to argue about—things that most people would not even consider. Do these stupid fights really bring any positive change? For men who like to start them, they do—for a moment, they get to enjoy a small victory that they've gotten under your skin to cause you to participate. What's also interesting—this guy is usually the first one to label someone as being "negative." Seriously, does he not understand the definition of negative? This guy is so judgmental he probably doesn't.

A guy who starts stupid fights with you does not believe in “choosing his battles wisely.” For him everything can be a battle to argue about. You sneeze, and he will pick a fight about that. You have an opinion about anything—even if your comment is valid—he will pick a fight about that. You say "Hi" to someone he knows—in front of him—he will pick a fight about that. You want to take a girls’ trip the same time he's planning his guys’ trip—he will find a reason to argue about that. Really? Or maybe, he doesn't like the tone of your voice, the way you walk, how you pronounce a certain word—here comes another ridiculous fight. Yikes!

Once the stupid disagreements begin, there is no controlling him. Your relationship will be constant bickering—which he will usually start in front of your friends as well as his—raising his voice to get his point across. I never knew that a point has more validity the louder you get? His "point" is usually pointLESS, since most children wouldn't even waste their breath arguing about the things he chooses to. All you can think about when you're with this guy is when he's going to start stomping his feet and throw himself on the ground in a tantrum.

When you're dating a guy who gets a thrill out of starting stupid fights, the attraction level you had for him diminishes significantly. Can't blame you, what grown woman wants to feel as though she dating a two year old child in a grown man's body? Frightening!

This need to create drama through small arguments is also due to lack of maturity. At first this might seem playful since he will usually start off with fun bantering and jokes. But then the bantering becomes fighting over little things and the "jokes" become less fun. This guy doesn't have an off switch, so the fights tend to occur more and more frequently until you forget what attracted you to him in the first place. Men like this are typically bad communicators, therefore they not only project their negative feelings onto you but also spew their verbal vomit through unnecessary drama.

I dated a guy who was a master when it came to starting stupid fights with me. It was almost as if there wasn't a fight for him to start then he would have nothing to say. His brilliance that he shared had to be in an argumentative form in order to express himself. Well, as with most men, they don't reveal their mysterious true selves until they become comfortable dating you or know that you are "into them"—which they view as a safe zone to let their guard down.

What attracted me to this guy—in the beginning—was his playful bantering. I love a guy who can banter. Done correctly, it can bring light-heartedness and fun energy to a relationship. As our dating progressed, so did the bantering…except it switched—faster than superman in a speed of light—to small fights that were beyond childish.

What was confusing is I hadn't dated this guy long enough for any real or serious issues to come up that might be worth having "intense" discussions about. Regardless, he would argue about e-v-e-r-y-thing. He would argue about where I needed to park when visiting him. He would argue about letting me into his apartment building—in the time it took him to argue, he could have let me in sooner. He would ask me where I wanted to eat and then argue with me about the establishment I chose. Then why ask? He fought about what movie or TV program we watched. He picked a fight when I cooked for him—finding some excuse about something he didn't like. When I would hang out with my friends and he had no plans, he would start an argument to make me feel guilty about going out. And the stupid fights increased exponentially.

I think that because I was open to playful bantering—because that's what bantering is meant to be—he assumed that stupid fights were also up my ally. Wrong! This guy was so clueless at the perception other people were having. What he thought was entertaining by having these small fights was actually a turn-off and inappropriate behavior seen by others—including myself.

Ladies, why waste your energy, time or breath with a guy who enjoys finding things to get upset about? When a guy starts stupid fights with you, you do have the power to walk away and not contribute. Having a guy arouse you in a negative way is not only controlling, selfish and immature, but overall toxic to a relationship. Don't give him any more satisfaction by entertaining his juvenile behavior. Remember stupid is as stupid does! And your momma didn't raise no dummy!

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    • profile image

      Jennifer Herrera 

      7 days ago

      Everytime my boyfriend leaves i hear sex noises,he said hes not cheating and that im crazy

    • profile image

      Kimi jackson 

      5 weeks ago

      I had a nice week end with my boy friend family reuion then time for us to go he started a arguement. I am so sad crying don’t know what to do just keep talking to me bad but he drinks. A lot he works but he hurt me verbally please tell me what I can do please tell please.

    • profile image

      nagnog 

      4 months ago

      It's logistical growth, not exponential.

    • Miss-Adventures profile imageAUTHOR

      Stephanie Bailey 

      5 months ago from Denver

      Ashley sprouse-holland, when someone starts fights for no significant reason that is due to their own insecurities. Also, often times, this is a control issue.

      Outburst are not fun to deal with and it is not your job to change or fix a man. He either knows that his behavior is unexceprable or he doesn’t. He either is open, willing and wants to get help or he doesn’t.

      Until you love yourself enough to believe that you do deserve better, walking away from this type of unhealthy relationship can be challenging.

      My question to you: you have a son, would you want your son to grow up treating a woman the way your significant other is treating you?

      When we stay in unhealthy relationship we are teaching not only our partners but also our children (if we have any) that the way we are being treating is OK.

      Love is not unkind. Love is not abusive or disrespectful. Actions always speak louder then words....are you listening or ignoring and making excuses?

      You deserve to be treated with kindness, caring, respect and absolute love.

      Thank you for sharing and reading my article.

    • profile image

      terry 

      5 months ago

      he could be narc.player.cheating.psycho.crazy.want attention.

    • Audra1729 profile image

      Megan 

      6 months ago from Seattle Washington

      I feel as though you’re dating my husband or you were dating my husband it’s kind of sad that there are more than one of the person I’m with out there in the world to sell Sabotage to throw their texted Eddie into someone else’s life when they don’t deserve it and people don’t understand it’s hard to get away from them that’s what makes me feel so bad for all the other women out there that are suffering is we do and did...

    • profile image

      Ed. 

      6 months ago

      I'm seeing a definite, clear pattern here. In the comments, as well as the article. My question is, "Why does it always have to be about the male and that he is the problem?".

      I've heard it all my entire 53 years on this earth about how EVERYTHING is the "guy's" fault. I bet no woman can answer that. Nor can any male. Oh yeah, I get it. There's tons of arguments from all sides of any relationship that supports/defends either partner. But I've had the EXACT same problems with several females they say are the man's fault. Mainly, stupid fights out of nowhere. Faked arguments that never happened, false accusations, sefishness, immature, etc. Even when the guy walks away, it's a no win scenario. My fault the restaurant had bad food, my fault the light stayed red, my fault it's PM and not AM, my fault her family likes me so much, etc....

    • profile image

      Susan Mundis 

      6 months ago

      I have been married to my husband , will be 40 years summer 2018. He has started arguments a day before my birthday and on my birthday years ago and I didn't catch on for many years that it was all made up to mess up my birthday Very immature. He still starts arguments when he knew I wanted to go to my first Nascar race. He watches it all the time. We argued for almost an hour; long bathroom lines, you think you're going to sit in lounge chairs, the bleachers are hard. on and on,. then gave in or when he knows we should go see someone in his family, he asks me a question on something and he acts like he doesn't like my answer and then his voice gets loud I even tell him, here comes your voice and laugh Then right after the argument I realize it was all made up . He doesn't care if the kids are in the house or not. I see it that its all about him; the world revolves around him. very immature.

    • profile image

      Ashley sprouse-holland 

      7 months ago

      My husband likes to argue about everything. He starts with arguing why my aunt won't let him stay the night-well bc she doesn't know you enough and will thinkyou will still- it's not my fault. I go over there to spend time with my son and he has a cow. It's irritating as hell. Irk what to do.

    • Miss-Adventures profile imageAUTHOR

      Stephanie Bailey 

      3 years ago from Denver

      Thank you Dr. Billy Kidd.

      I totally agree that "these women have a dependency problem. Rather then be alone, they keep letting the guy come back each time he totally blows it." Very, very true and unhealthy!

      Thank you for taking the time to read and comment.

    • Miss-Adventures profile imageAUTHOR

      Stephanie Bailey 

      3 years ago from Denver

      Thank you dashingscorpio for the vote up!

      Totally agree that the c"ute things in the beginning have a way of becoming annoying the longer a relationship continues" that is unhealthy.

      Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      3 years ago

      Voted up and useful!

      Interestingly you said: "What attracted me to this guy—in the beginning—was his playful bantering. I love a guy who can banter. Done correctly, it can bring light-heartedness and fun energy to a relationship."

      I suspect there are lots of women who are drawn to "playful bantering". Some may even feel it makes them feel as though they've "been together for years" or it's a form of entertainment for their friends.

      Nevertheless this could easily fall under the category of "familiarity breeds contempt." The thing that initially draws you in gets very old after awhile and worse if it escalates. Cute things in the beginning have a way of becoming annoying the longer a relationship continues. Like hearing the same joke over and over again. At some point it stops being funny!

      "When a guy starts stupid fights with you, you do have the power to walk away and not contribute."

      Sadly too often people forget this! No one is "stuck" with anyone!

      At some point if you're still there it says more about (you) than them.

    • Dr Billy Kidd profile image

      Dr Billy Kidd 

      3 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Great explanation of this type of domineering male!

      Unfortunately, there are women who are addicted to being in a support role for this kind of negative relationship. They grew up, generally, being dominated or abused. So that's all they know--dysfunctional relationships.

      As you know, these women have a dependency problem. Rather than be alone, they keep letting the guy come back each time he totally blows it. And their friends and kids can't seem to talk them out of playing that role.

      I wish you could talk directly to some of these poor souls. You really have the language and explanations down! Thanks.

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