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Is He Only About The Chase?

Updated on December 12, 2016
Miss-Adventures profile image

My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.

We all have a natural inclination to want something even more that we do not (or potentially cannot) have—doing everything in our power to get it. However, once we have obtained what we were chasing so hard after, is the interest still there in the desire to keep it?

Yes, it is an incredible feeling to have a man (who you are also interested in) work very hard at convincing you that he is in fact all about you (and only you). But, are the reasons behind his actions genuine or is it all about the chase?

Some men enjoy—really, really enjoy—the challenge of trying to date, have sex, or get a woman to agree to be exclusive...

Here's the thing ladies, most men's brains are wired differently than ours. Men are a little more chemically and emotionally wired to feel extremely prideful (and frankly, in their element)—in regards to the chase.

The chase for most men is a primal response. He will first notice a women that he is attracted to (and wants). He will hunt her down (courting/wooing her). And then he will devour her (have sex, date or have her fall in love with him). Once this mission has been accomplished, many men will lose interest. What is shocking for lots of women is that this type of guy will literally do a one-eighty shortly after wooing her so hard.

The first few weeks or months of being chased will be incredible. He will act like you are his one and only.

His action make you think that the thought of you not being in his life is unthinkable...

  • He calls or text messages every day—and multiple times throughout
  • He tells you he misses you
  • He pre-plans dates with you
  • He pre-plans days when he wants to see you—not waiting until last minute
  • He includes you on his plans—seeing friends, family members or co-workers
  • He is affectionate with you in public
  • He will bring flowers or small gifts every time you see him
  • He is a "giving" lover
  • He walks side-by-side with you
  • He complements you all the time
  • He's extremely mentally and emotionally available when he's with you—his phone will be off or on vibrate or he won't have it with him at all

Then, once you have been swept off your feet and have either slept with him, become exclusive or fallen in-love, after time (weeks to possibly three months later), his feelings toward you start to change...

  • His communication lessens—fewer calls/text messages throughout the day (and eventually during the week)
  • He rarely tells you he misses or loves you
  • You can't remember the last time he planned a date
  • When he does see you, he fits you into his schedule last minute and is disengaged
  • He doesn't include anymore you when he goes out with friends, family and/or co-workers
  • His schedule becomes busy with other obligations to other people and events
  • He is less affectionate with you in public—rarely holds hands or kisses you anymore
  • Will walk ahead of you
  • Any sort of gift giving stops
  • Sex becomes very one-sided
  • He rarely compliments you
  • When he finally makes time for you he isn't emotionally or mentally present—he's on his phone
  • He starts nitpicking (a lot)—finding things about you that he doesn't like

As women, we will blame ourselves for this man's sudden apparent disinterest, thinking that we did something wrong. Nope! Honestly, the only thing you did wrong was giving this type of guy any of your attention in the first place. Unfortunately, men who enjoy the thrill and excitement of the chase will be so good at it, that you won't be able to decipher if it's real. Also, they tend to become bored rather easily.

The chase will continue to happen if you let it....

A friend of mine had repeatedly dated her ex-boyfriend. When they were not together he would work hard to get her back. The reason why they kept breaking up; when they were exclusive, he would lose interest in her. His lost of interest would cause him to stop doing all the things that initially won her back. Wonderful.

This cycle between them continued for many years...

Each time her ex emotionally exited their relationship, he would leave my friend heart-broken and confused. Why did he work so hard to get her back if he didn't really want her? Why tell her that he finally realizes that she is the one—and wants to spend the rest of his life with her but then would walk out of her life—once again?

Chasing is a huge thrill, especially if you obtain what you have been chasing. Men who enjoy the thrill of the chase don't always realize how hurtful their actions are when they end up losing interest.

This type of guy doesn't necessarily plan on being bored and disinterested. Often times he will hope the excitement that was created during the process of winning your heart will continue. When it doesn't, he will emotionally push you away to make room for the next chase. Great.

After they break-up and time has passed, when my friends ex can feel that she is emotionally moving on from him, he will cast his line into her emotional pond to reel her back in...

First he will weasel back into her life as a "friend," Then, he will make a lot of time and effort to see her, always being readily available—again, just as friends. Finally, the flirting will begin, the complements will start and he will be overly supportive—reminding her of how great of a guy he is and how great they are together.

Although my friend would proceed with caution every time her ex would make his way back into her life, between her heart, his words and actions, their chemistry and compatibility, she would find herself emotionally entangled again. Yikes!

Well, a gal can only take so much. Every time he would come back into her life, her hesitation would make him want her more. Seriously. She wasn't purposely playing hard to get, she was treading on water due to the fear of getting hurt again, which kept happening. My friend finally realized her ex-boyfriend had a pattern; he was all about the chase, and she was no longer going to be part of his emotionally immature game playing.

What many men fail to realize is that most women aren't purposely playing hard to get...

When a woman shows disinterest in a guy or isn't trying to jump into a relationship this tends to occur for various reasons:

  • She was emotionally, mentally or physically hurt by a guy in her past (possibly the same guy that wants her back)
  • She doesn't trust men
  • She is dating other men
  • She's emotionally immature
  • She's preoccupied with her personal life—job, kids, etc
  • She is not looking settle down
  • She doesn't see a future with the guy

Ladies, being romantically chased by a guy only means something if he is working just as hard to keep you once you are in an exclusive relationship. If not, don't waste your time playing games with this type of man...let him go chase after someone else! Your future self will thank you.

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 7 months ago

      "Ladies, being romantically chased by a guy only means something if he is working just as hard to keep you once you are in an exclusive relationship."

      - Very true!

      In fact most relationships go through what I call an "infatuation phase" where (both) people bend over backwards to impress their new object of affection. Once there's an emotional investment or commitment they "relax" and reveal their "authentic selves".

      Very few men or women put in the same kind of effort they did in the beginning. In fact the longer a couple is together the more often they feel it's ok and (expected) to "slack off". Maybe it's just human nature!

      People also do this with new cars, new jobs, and other new things that comes into their life. We treat "the new" better than "the tried and true"!

      Personally I believe "the chase" regarding courtship is almost dead.

      Terms like "sexual harassment" and "stalking" have caused many men to (wait for women) to either initiate the first move or show interest flirting.

      A year ago I did an interview with a radio host in her 80s who told me her deceased husband pursued her and asked out her out (10 times) before she finally agreed to go out with him. They were married for 45 years.

      Today any guy who kept showing up asking a woman out ten times after being rejected runs the risk of being arrested!

      Having said that there are guys who believe "variety is the spice of life" and they simply want to have sex with as many different women as possible. They're not looking to settle down.

      Nevertheless it's not the "chase" they enjoy. It's the "conquest".

      They'd be just as happy if the women threw themselves at them!

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