Is It More Difficult to Forgive Someone You Love?
"Forgiveness Is Holiness"
Forgive That You May Be forgiven
Why do some find it so much harder to forgive than others do? Why is it so much harder to forgive someone you love who you think has wronged you?
Most of us will know that the Bible is ‘big’ on forgiveness. Here are two great Bible passages on forgiveness:
Quoting from Matthew 18: 21-22
Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. [– I think Jesus really meant that there is not a finite number of times but that we should always endeavour to forgive.]
Quoting from Mark 11:25
And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.
Forgiving Releases The Anger Energy
We find it difficult to forgive because we hold on to the feeling of hurt. Michael Beckwith in his book Spiritual Liberation says “ The resistance to forgive is an attachment to the need to be right”. We think that forgiving someone is letting them off-the-hook, but it really is letting ourselves off-the-hook. The anger energy is destructive only to the non-forgiver, and it can be very debilitating for not only you but also your family. I can’t recall the many times that I have been told by one person or another that when they finally forgave the offender it was like a weight lifting off their shoulders.
We find it more difficult to forgive the people we love because the stronger the love or attachment, the stronger the felt hurt.
10 Truths about Forgiveness
- Hating another person gives you a deep ache inside, nervousness in your stomach, bodily challenges. Take a deep breath and as you exhale say ‘I forgive, I forgive, I forgive. Now I am free’.
- When you get to a point of accepting yourself totally and loving yourself unconditionally, then you are what some people call “saved”. [Quote from book Soul’s Perfection by Sylvia Browne]. But this can only happen after you have a) forgiven those you consider have wronged you and b) forgiven yourself for the hurt you have endured.
- Do not allow yourself to be burdened by what cultures and churches have told you - that you’re sinful; you’re bad; you’re low. The single truth is that God loves you unconditionally, and to the same measure as all his other children.
- Evil begets evil. Negativity begets negativity. Let it all go with a blessing. How? Think love instead.
- The resistance to forgive is an attachment to the need to be right, to be justified.
- Unforgiveness creates an inner hostility, a physical dis-ease which out-pictures in your experience in negative ways such as lack, unhappiness, aloneness, anger, an inability to attain the fullness of yourself.
- Forgiveness begins with first forgiving yourself. When you have done that and have put the deed behind you, call the other person and declare your forgiveness. You will experience joyful liberation.
- Forgiveness is a choice, simpler than you imagine. When you make the choice to forgive you begin your liberation because you have removed the obstructions to the flow of positive energy in your life.
- Bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you [Luke 6:26]. When you allow yourself to forgive you are creating your own healing, you are removing the blockages to a joyous life, an abundant life, a life in which your potential can begin to see fulfillment.
- Unforgivingness is corrosive to the unforgiver and it has no real effect on that person to whom it is directed. Instead search for something of value in the person and this will reverse the feeling of ill will. Remember it is yourself that this will serve to heal.
How To Practice Forgiveness
Practical Approach to Forgiving
Dr. Michael Beckwith outlines in his book - Spiritual Liberation - a visualization technique which he teaches and which has been reported to be successful with individuals.
Technique quoted below:
“Locate a quiet place in your home where you can sit uninterruptedly for a few minutes.
Sit in a position of power, spine straight, shoulders back.
Without dropping your shoulders, relax the front of your body consciously opening and softening your heart area.
Gently bring before your mind’s eye the image of an individual you wish to forgive.
Mentally broadcast a message of forgiveness to him or her, such as:
I forgive you and set you free. Your actions no longer have power over me. I acknowledge that you are doing the best you can and I honor you. You are free and I am free. All is well between us. Peace. ”