How to Make Your Boyfriend More Confident: Getting a Shy Guy out of His Shell

Updated on May 21, 2018
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I love writing about relationships, love, romance, and flirting. I hope you find the advice in my articles useful.

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How do you make your boyfriend more confident? Looking for ways to make your shy guy come out of his shell? Increasing a guy's self-confidence and self-esteem is never a quick process. As his girlfriend or wife, you will have to be positive and patient if you want to remove lack of confidence and shyness from his personality. These subtle ways will take months but in the long run, your guy will emerge as a better lover and the man you have always dreamed about.

1. Help Your Guy Dress Smartly by Using Positive Affirmations

Clothes play a role in shaping a man's confidence when he steps outside. You can help your boyfriend find his inner confidence in a way that makes him look smart and handsome. You must use positive affirmations if you want to make a lasting impact on his style and confidence. Here are a few tips.

  • Never belittle how he dresses.
  • Act smitten and starry-eyed when he wears clothes that you like.
  • Compliment him when he wears clothes that look good on him.
  • Suggest clothes from his wardrobe.
  • Don't be a nag and force him to wear clothes that you like.

2. Don't Ever Tell Your Boyfriend That He Is Not Confident

Humans don't work like machines, which is why you should never tell your boyfriend directly that he lacks confidence. No matter how irritated and frustrated you are, remove the words self-confidence and self-esteem from your dictionary while you are talking with him. Use subtle and indirect ways to boost his confidence levels, like the ones discussed in this article.

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3. Whisper Image-Boosting Compliments to Your Guy When You Are in Public

Getting angry is not the right way to react if you are on a date with your boyfriend, and he suddenly starts feeling self-conscious. He will sink further into nervousness if you lose your cool too. The best way to deal with your guy's dropping confidence level when you are out and about is to give him image-boosting compliments that will directly get to the root of his nervousness. Here are a few examples.

  • You are looking so handsome right now; all the girls must be swooning over you.
  • I am lucky to have the hottest guy in the room in my arms.
  • Have you done something different? You look deliciously attractive right now.

4. Compliment His Body

Women are not the only ones to have body image issues. Men also have reservations about their own bodies. Your boyfriend's lack of confidence could be driven by a lack of self-esteem arising from body image issues. You can make him feel good about his own physique by giving compliments that are very specific. Your compliments will make him start taking pride in his body image over time. Here are a few examples.

  • Your broad shoulders turn me on all the time.
  • Your arms are so manly.
  • So many men out there would die to have a physique like you.

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5. Express Happiness and Satisfaction in Your Relationship

Your boyfriend will passively draw heaps of confidence continuously if you show that you are happy being with him. Keep expressing your satisfaction in the relationship. Here are a few examples.

  • You are the best guy any girl could ever have. I am so lucky.
  • I must have done good deeds in the past to deserve such a loving boyfriend like you.
  • You are not only my boyfriend, but you are also my best friend. There must be only a few lucky girls like me who can be in love with both their best friend and lover at the same time.

6. Motivate Him to Forget His Past Relationships

Past relationships may have left a massive dent in your boyfriend's self-esteem. He could have been dumped by his ex, who later went on a malicious spree of making him jealous on Facebook and spreading lies about him. Motivate your guy to forget about his past relationship. Here are a few lines you can use every time he starts talking about the past.

  • Oh forget it, you did the right thing, and I am proud of you.
  • I am really impressed with how maturely you dealt with the situation.
  • There's no point worrying about things you can't change; let's enjoy being with each other right now.

7. Stop Interacting with Your Ex for Some Time

If your boyfriend is really shy, he may not say this to you explicitly, but he could be fretting over the fact that you are still in touch with your ex. Instead of asking him directly whether he has a problem, just stop interacting with your ex for a while.

See if this change makes a difference in your boyfriend's behavior. If you notice a visible spike in his confidence levels, allow a few weeks to go by and subtly pick up this conversation.

8. Don't Appreciate Bad Boy Behavior in Front of Your Guy

If you are dating a guy who is shy, he is likely to feel insecure in front of bad boys who are the stereotype alpha males. You can help him get over this insecurity by condemning that type of behavior. If you make the mistake of seeming amused or laughing in appreciation when an alpha male is up to his usual antics, your boyfriend will sink further into his own insecurities.

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9. Blush and Act Smitten When Your Guy Tries to Flirt With You

Because your boyfriend lacks confidence, his way of flirting with you is likely to be subtle instead of direct. Blush and act smitten every time you think he is trying to impress you. Watching you blush will make him feel that his charm has the power to make you weak in the knees. This behavior will encourage him to be more romantic and help him shed inhibitions about expressing his feelings.

10. Tell Your Boyfriend That You Become Jealous When Other Girls Look at Him

Jealousy can be a bitter weapon or a wonderful asset, depending on how you use it in your relationship. To perk up your boyfriend's self-confidence, tell him that you feel jealous when other girls look at him. He will instantly feel attractive when you tell him that other girls stare at him. And when you talk about your jealousy, he will feel like a handsome guy.

11. Let Him Know Subtly If You See Other People Taking Advantage of His Niceness

Other people may take advantage of your boyfriend if he is a really nice guy. Don't get annoyed when you see this happening. Sit back and let the situation unfurl. Once it is over, suggest to him how you felt about the situation. Looking at it in hindsight will help him realize how he was taken advantage of. It will be a lesson learned, and he will use the situation to move forward.

12. Never Make Fun of Your Boyfriend's Shyness

Making fun of your boyfriend's shyness or lack of confidence is a complete no-no. If you laugh or ridicule this personality trait, it will damage his self-esteem permanently. Regardless of how you try to get your boyfriend out of his shell, never make fun of him during the process.

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13. Encourage Him to Work out

Your guy can lack confidence because he is too skinny, too fat, or is just not happy with his physique. He may be avoiding the gym simply because he is too self-conscious to work out in front of other people. Make it easy on him by buying him some workout equipment so he can exercise at home. You can find a basic pair of dumbbells for less than a hundred dollars.

14. Tell Him That He Looks like a Certain Celebrity

Motivating your boyfriend to improve his body image is a tricky thing because wrong comparisons can dent his self-confidence levels forever. To avoid jealousy or any form of suspicion when you ask him to lose weight or get in shape, use celebrities as examples. Here's how.

  • You would look like Hugh Jackman if you toned your tummy.
  • Your physique is just like Taylor Lautner; all you need to do is add some bulk to your shoulders.

15. Simpler Advice Will Have a Bigger Impact on Your Guy's Psyche

Don't start giving your boyfriend long lectures every time you try to subtly point out ways in which he can come out of his shell. Instead, use shorter sentences and limit yourself to saying just a couple of things. Shy guys typically like to reflect on situations after they are over. Saying just a few sentences to him in the form of advice will be enough food for thought for him to think about the situation later.

16. Don't Get Frustrated: Building His Confidence Will Take Time

Frustration and anger can have a very negative impact on the people around you. You may not realize this, but step into his shoes and think about how you would feel if you saw your partner getting frustrated all the time. You will naturally think that there may be something lacking in your own behavior that is driving your partner into frustration. Avoid letting your boyfriend fall into this deadly trap by hiding your frustration. Confidence is not a product that you can buy on a supermarket shelf. Give your guy at least a few months until he starts showing the first signs of coming out of his shell.

17. Appreciate Your Boyfriend's Love Making

The relationship between a guy's confidence and his perception of his own lovemaking skills is similar to that of a car and fuel; it is essential and vital. Appreciating your guy's skills at being a great lover will directly boost his confidence levels. Tell him how he is really an expert at kissing a girl and keep reminding him how you crave his romantic touch all the time. Apart from boosting his self-esteem, giving him compliments in this department will also make him more confident in bed as he will feel less shy about expressing himself.

18. Help Him Make Better Decisions With Money

Money plays a noticeable role in a person's well being. In terms of his confidence, money will help him make better choices in life, like being able to buy his favorite stuff or taking you out on romantic dates. Don't give him direct advice but just a subtle suggestion when you see him lamenting over his money problems.

19. Encourage Him to Play More Sports With His Friends

Playing sports can do wonders to a guy's confidence. Every time he plays a game with his friends, he will strive to win. It will help him bring out the fighter from within. Whether he likes to play ping pong or likes to shoot hoops, encourage him to play a game or two with his friends at least a couple of times a week.

20. Don't Talk to Your Friends About Your Guy's Confidence Levels

You will deliver the biggest blow of heartbreak to your boyfriend if you start talking about his low confidence levels with your friends. Lack of confidence is his weakness, and he expects you to keep it a secret. If you do share it with others, no matter how hard you try, the gossip will come around and reach his ears one day or another. He will feel heartbroken to know that his own girlfriend went behind his back to express unhappiness in the relationship to someone else.

Questions & Answers

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      • DDE profile image

        Devika Primić 

        5 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

        A shy guy is sometimes the inexperienced one so mingling is difficult for him

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