How to Put Relationship Problems Behind You
No relationship is without its bumps. Some view them as annoyances but like most problems, successfully getting through them makes the relationship stronger. Imagine the process of sword creation . . . the piece of metal is put into a fire and then beat on by a blunt instrument several hundreds of times.
This process repeats over and over until you have a strong, useable tool. Relationships are kind of like that. There will always be problems, but they define, sharpen and strengthen your relationship if it does not shatter under pressure. Here are some tips to help you two get over various relationship bumps and to survive the “blows” that temper your relationship.
Forgiveness is always the most obvious first step when it comes to getting over a problem in a relationship. You absolutely must forgive all issues and problems, especially if your partner will strive to fix it. Do not form grudges; this is one of the most important things to remember in a relationship. As soon as you let a grudge take hold, it becomes a constant drain and obstacle for your future together. Relationships are not about keeping each-other’s score; it’s all about working to get the best score together.
2. Past Is Past
What’s happened already happened. Don’t go back to it. It would be wise to keep a mental note of it so you can avoid making the same mistake as before or plan ahead to intercept similar issues, but that’s all you need to remember of it. Bringing it back up simply unearths old pain and usually solves nothing. What’s worse is that it almost always causes more problems, possibly leading to more things from the past coming out and compounding the situation.
3. There Is Always Tomorrow
Indeedly do! And never forget that. Something might happen and today might be a completely crappy day for the two of you from start to finish, but never forget that there is always tomorrow. Make tomorrow another day to try again and put the past behind you. Wake up, hopefully refreshed and move on. If you find it hard to drop the next day, do not make a mention of it can just go on with it with your partner. Each day the two of you spend burying this makes the day after easier until it is completely gone from forethought.
4. Subject Change
This one is pretty risky and needs to be used correctly in order to work. If the topic is important and absolutely must be addressed, you cannot use this since it would be the equal of running away. If the two of you break out into a harsh argument over something, elect for the two of you to change the subject for a better time. However if something major just happened, you probably won’t be able to pull the subject change. The main use of the “Subject Change” tip is to use it in order to neutralize a potentially heated argument between the two of you… not to get you out of trouble.
5. Rewrite The Past
This is another coping mechanism, although it only works if the two of you work on it together. “Rewriting the Past” is a form of denial that states “That didn’t happen” or “It didn’t happen that way” or “It wasn’t that important.” Essentially, the idea is to blot/block out that thought from re-occurring so the two of you can move on from the issue. The important thing to note here is that you both must agree on it or else it isn’t going to work. Main Idea is to soften the problem up, and put it behind you two.
6. Write It Down and Burn It Together
This one is more a physical solution with some mental (and sometimes spiritual) implications. Take your problem that the two of you are harboring or going through… Write it down on a piece of paper. Now take that paper and set it on fire, carefully of course. (Writer takes no responsibility for personal injury or property damage if you fail at life.) Watch as your “Problem” burns away to ash. Other people like to stick their problems in honey, some freeze them into ice cubes followed by throwing them at a wall, and some write them on toilet paper and then flush them. The whole point is that you are throwing away / destroying your problem.
7. Solutions Solutions Solutions
For some, a physical or spiritual flushing will just not cut it, neither will simply putting the problem behind them… For these types of people want to find a solution to solve the problem once and for all. As a warning, something cannot be fixed… but they can be prevented from repeating, so this is your goal. Figure out a way to defeat the problem… If it is something that happens in a specific place, don’t go there or find ways around there. If it is with a specific person, restrict your access to that person. If it is a certain subject, avoid all roads leading to that subject. There is always a solution and it is up to you two to either let the situation die or find a way of never allowing the situation to return.
8. Reward Yourselves
This might seem a little backwards, but supposing the two of you survived through a major problem…Reward yourselves a bit for doing so! Just remember, this is not an excuse to go out and find more problems so the two of you can reward each other again. The goal is to create enough of a positive to put the final nails in the coffin of that problem and fully bury it.
9. Remember and Prepare Backup
This goes hand and hand with #7 mentioned above but this is one where the solution is quite obvious or has been found. Make a note of what happened and more importantly, what lead up to the point of it happening. Precautions are always the bane of problems and roadblocks.
10. Always the Reliable Comforts
Comforts exist to well… comfort us. After overcoming a problem or resolving to leave it in the past, both of you go and indulge yourself in a healthy comfort you both enjoy. Whether it be pizza, chocolates, soothing music, Chinese buffets, sewing, video games, boxing, reading, whatever. Take the time to expunge your hurt with your comforts, especially if you can take your comforts together. The point is to bury the problem that the two of you have decided to take care of and leave it behind for good.
Warning, the “Sword Tempering” metaphor still stands, but that doesn’t mean you should actively be looking for problems to test and temper your relationship on. Yes, it is quite the loophole to simply waiting for problems so you can strengthen your relationship, but the un-natural nature of the problems and the increased amount of them may shatter the relationship, thus rendering the entire process worthless.
If you have any ideas or comments please leave them in the comment section below. As always, thank you for reading and “Good Luck” to you all!