Keeping a Girlfriend by Giving Space in a Relationship

Updated on February 7, 2019
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Fernando has intensively studied the sociological and psychological aspects of society. He is continuing to further his undergraduate study.

Giving Space: Fundamentals

For most men, the bottom line is simple: just leave her alone. It’s increasingly difficult to populate dozens of different scenarios, but for much of the talk here, you need to understand when to call it quits for a while and when to proceed. In fact, this is more of a common problem than most men may think. So, if this sounds like something you need to work on – or are just in it for the read – this article is for you.

Giving Space Basics

How to keep a girlfriend 101:

  • Even though it's extremely tempting to be by her side every minute, don't do it.
  • Stop texting her so much.
  • Don't visit her so much.
  • Don't bring her over to your house every day.

In the most nonsensical way, you need to rethink your strategy and keep everything fresh. If you keep doing the same thing every day in your relationship, things ought to get as stale as the stake you had last weekend.

Giving Space Scenarios

She may already like you but perhaps you're not giving her enough breathing room. Just like you, she’s human and she needs her space. Your situation may differ from others – or the most common – but listen closely to a few scenarios:

  • You're just meeting the girl. On the first day of meeting her, notice how there is space between you two. Both of you have the comfort zones that you would like not disrespected. Just observe. Look back and really think about it. It’s casual, fun, and kind of hot.
  • You're dating the girl. What's interesting about this scenario is how you are now seeing her regularly for dates and stuff like that. It's important to give her space to not seem creepy. After all, she has her eyes on you and there’s no point in overdoing it here, sir.
  • She is living with you. If she is living with you, this is where it could get tricky. You owe her a lot of space while also understanding when she wants attention. Fortunately for a lot of adults nowadays, we have jobs. This allows a lot of space. However, you still must try to listen to her. If she’s a homebody that doesn’t like to go out with her friends for that one drinking session, you might want to talk to her more. It’s usually straightforward if she’s living with you. You’ll know where you stand.

The most important idea to take home, when it comes to truly understanding where you stand, is the situation at hand. Also, simply paying attention to how she acts around you or when she sees you for the first time in days!

Giving Space Gains Results

It’s important to understand the correlation between the ability to give a woman space and being able to get more mileage out of it:

1. Space means she will stay with you. Go ahead and ruin it by annoying the crap out of her. I dare you. Because that’s exactly what’s going to happen if you don’t respect her boundaries.

2. Space means she will grow into you. Give a woman enough space and she’ll eventually – if she digs you – fall forth into you. At this point, whether you catch her or not is up to you.

Relationships are like plants, you see. You can put as much water as you want on the soil and hope to Jesus it grows a lot faster. However, eventually, the plant will drown if there isn't moderation in how often you water it.

Interestingly, the same could be said on the opposite side of the lake. Pore too little water and you just won’t catch her. She’ll lose interest and your love plant will slowly but surely whither, die, and not grow at all.

Don't Be Needy and Give Her Space in a Relationship

You must drill this idea straight into your head: She needs space. No matter what, you need to give her space if you want a beautiful relationship

Even though it's very tempting to message her twice or even three times, don't do it unless you know she'll be okay with it. The last thing you will want is for a woman to think you're not cool. And what you want is for her to think you’re fun and exciting!

A lot of men will argue,

"Who gives a shit? If she's not into me, I'll just find another. Life's too short."

The problem with this mentality is obvious. The problem isn't the girl: the problem is you. Don’t be a douche bag about it. It’s like asking a girl if she’ll go out on a date with you. You don’t know what’s going through her head. For all you know, perhaps she’d consider it. Just any sort of opening into her life is a hot chance. But, the moment you ruin it by insisting – again and again – you’re already at an automatic loss.

Everyone needs space. Think about it. Now, think about it again. Do what you must do to claim your prize.

Giving Space: How to Make it Happen

Listen to her

It's easy to notice when you are overstepping your boundaries. For example, let's say you are spending a day or night with her and she’s feeling a little low. This isn’t the best time for you to be asking her for obnoxious, ridiculous requests. So, you do what you must do, give her space, and comfort her.

If you really want to, you can bring ‘it’ up to her, whatever ‘it’ really is. I don’t know your life, but just make it cute and quick. However, results may vary.

Don't Be Pushy

If you really want to keep her around, learn how to give space in a relationship by not being pushy about things. If she says no, she says no.

It’s not something I favor, but women tend to make it clear with a big ‘no’. Men are aggressive: they want what they want. And they will make it known – or not. Perhaps you like her ways of cooking better than yours, so you ask if she could cook. Or something. Whatever you ask her, she’ll let you know what she thinks.

And if you already have asked her once and are asking the same exact question – or perhaps a derivative of the question – stop. Now you’re just trying to force her to do it.

A Little Insight

I have spoken to my fellow bros and they have admitted to me that they, at least occasionally or at some point in their long-term relationship, have lost patience with their woman and have become far too pushy. So, there’s some fair backing behind this idea of trying to be nice to your woman.

So, keep in mind that if she says no, she says no. Don't bring up the same thing twice. Shame on you if she says yes after the fifth. time. Shame on you.

Adapt to Her Needs

Obviously, you will need to adapt to her. Depending on the living situation, the social gathering – or even her mood – you will need to learn to be a bit malleable. Things can get twisted quick, especially her mood. So, do what you must do.

Unfortunately, pretty much anyone can get tired of constantly being with each other doing the same exact activities on a regular day. We all have things to do. It's at the end of a long day where you look at each other and realize how much you mean to each other. But that sort of thought processing will not happen if don’t know how to give space in a relationship.

Pay Attention to Her Life

By paying attention to what's going on around her, you know how much space she needs in a relationship. If she has a new job, she is bound to be more stressed than usual. Remember this, as this will help you out a lot in the moment. Give her what she needs. Give her what she craves.

It's usually safer to allow her to approach you after a long day. But, it’s also nice if you were to ask her how her day has been.

Bottom Line: Give Your Girlfriend Space

Your girlfriend deserves it.

She is a human being, just like you.

  • She gets stressed.
  • She gets lonely.
  • She gets moody.
  • She gets angry.
  • She’ll want to fight you.

But, at the end of the day, you will pay attention to her when she needs it and give her space when she wants it. Because, your woman deserves it.

You have come far in understanding her needs. Feel proud of yourself.

Don't overwhelm her.

Whether she likes you right now or she will one day, try to understand that everything has its timing. Not everything has to be done right now. By allowing yourself to give the girl some god damn breathing room, you're allowing her to focus on what matters most to her. Also, interestingly, you're allowing her to figure out what she wants in life. If she happens to one day realize that you’re the one, the bond between you and her will be strengthened to a new level and you will have attained your goal.

Everything must happen with its own timing and it starts with space in a relationship.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

Questions & Answers

    © 2018 Fernando Gonzalez

    Comments

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      • profile image

        Cedric Kabuchu 

        2 months ago

        Very encouraging and wise words.

      • profile image

        Luis Echeverria 

        10 months ago

        I really liked this article

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