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Does He Think That Silence Is The Answer?

Updated on January 9, 2017
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My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.

Saying nothing and choosing to shut down in silence does not get your point across. Instead, your "actions" will cause more distance and upset...

Ladies, most of us have unfortunately dated a guy or have been in a relationship with a guy who thinks that instead of communicating what is upsetting him, the better method of getting his point across is to become silent. He will choose not to call, text or email. Luckily for social media, you know that he is still alive and breathing due to his updates and posts. Great.

I'm not saying that we have not been guilty of playing the "silent treatment game." However, the silent treatment usually occurs when we try to discuss with him what's upsetting us (more than once) but instead of hearing us; he refuses to listen, doesn't care enough to listen, or chooses to not do nothing to make the situation any better. When this occurs, the next step for us is to cut off communication.

Although the silent treatment is not the best method, it can have some benefits...

Being silent—regardless of your reasoning—is never the best way to handle a situation. This form of non-communication is still childish, even though it might get your point across. However, there are some men that actually start to hear what you have been trying to express (over and over again) once you decide to become silent towards them.

Giving the silent treatment can be a way of getting your point across, again, if and only if, you have tried (multiple times) to have an adult conversation. No screaming or yelling about how you are feeling and what you need in order for things to become better. Realize though that the silent treatment is pointless (and can be hurtful) if you have not tried to discuss anything first before deciding to become silent.

Men, I cannot say this enough, women do not enjoy playing the guessing game or having to be mind readers...

If a woman has said or done something to rub you the wrong way or upset you, instead of bottling up your emotions, tell her. How can we work on ourselves and the relationship if we do not know what has upset you? No one is perfect—including you—and feedback is important in all relationships.

Ladies, obviously, verbal communication is the best method when communicating, however there are a lot of men who have a difficult time expressing their emotions. That said, men, send a text, email or S.O.S. If you care about her, saying something, it is better than saying nothing—unless your goal is to upset her, emotionally push her away or piss her off.

Choosing to not communicate when you are upset and instead create silence, is frankly immature. Unfortunately, there are men who believe in this method...

Here's the thing ladies, many men have a hard time communicating how they feel. No, this is and should not be an excuse for him shutting down communication with you. However, if you are aware of this, his actions will seem less of a mystery.

Some men believe that backing away from a situation with silence is the best solution and will do so for various reasons:

  • He can't deal with what he believes is conflict—even if it is not. When conflict arises, his solution is to become stressed out, shut down, and say nothing.
  • If he thinks that a potential break-up might be occurring—he will back away in silence hoping to avoid a possible break-up.
  • He overly internalizes his emotions—making it hard for him to express how he feels regarding anything important or things that upset him. This will cause him to express his emotions through silence. Yikes!

Yes, when there is an argument or disagreement there might be some processing time needed. Depending on the severity of the situation, hours or possibly days in order to determine how you want to respond and what exactly you want to say is understandable. If this is the case, express that you need time with your words, not with complete silence.

As women, we need to hear something from a guy. Even telling us that you have heard what we have said and you need time to process—and actually get back to us—is better than total silence.

When we don't hear from a guy, especially if we are used to having daily communication and there was no fight or argument, then we will immediately think that something bad has happened—an accident or worse. As time continues (and days go by) and we still don't hear anything, we will start to become pissed off; all sympathy is out the door and now we are upset and angry (especially if you have posted on social media). This anger comes from a place of no longer feeling emotionally safe.

Guys, it is a very cowardly approach to purposely blow a woman off without talking to her first. Why get into a relationship if you cannot let yourself be somewhat vulnerable. Communicating how you feel is a big part of being vulnerable.

Ladies, having patience and understanding in your relationship is important. If you truly care about him, know that it may take time for him to feel comfortable enough to open up to you. However, if you have tried multiple times to communicate and he still believes that silence is the answer, don't let this man be hurtful or disrespectful to you anymore. Be true to yourself—openly discuss how you feel and realize that you deserve a man who won't keep you in silence.

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