Can A Relationship Work With Someone Who's Never Been In Love?

Updated on October 24, 2016
Miss-Adventures profile image

My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.

When you are dating someone who has never been in love before, it can severely challenge and alter the relationship...

Not only do you feel pressure to maintain and emotionally support the relationship, but there are also plenty of potential-breakup moments—on behalf of your significant other. I know this, because I have been through it.

My previous boyfriend had a troubled childhood, and an even tougher life growing up.

My ex had been on his own since he was thirteen, without proper parental guidance or education. He was very guarded, had explosive emotional tendencies, but at the same time he craved love and understanding; he may have been naïve, but he also had a big heart.

Through his emotional struggles, he had never let his heart be fully open to accept love. The closest he had come to love was with his two dogs he had for eleven years; two years later, he was still pained by their passing.

For someone, like my previous boyfriend, who has never experienced affection, love and adoration, can be hard things to grasp...

Of course when you first fall in love, it can be wonderful, but it is equally scary and unpredictable. No one wants to have their heart broken—so if there is a glimpse of discontentment in the relationship—the fighting begins. Fear will be the driving force, and the superfluous ego will confirm it.

Fear will tell you that you do not deserve love or can‘t be loved, and the ego will confirm that the love you want is not (and will never be) enough. This pattern will create the feeling that there is always someone better, causing a barrier around your heart. Yikes!

When fear and ego cannot be controlled, the relationship is doomed...

Most people fall in love for the first time in high school or college. If the first person you fell in love with is not still your partner, husband, or wife, then they were probably your first heartbreak…and possibly not your last. In hindsight, having your heart broken is actually beneficial—it is a learning experience, as well as a chance to grow and change your relationship perspectives.

The more you can let yourself love, the closer you become to love, not giving freely into fear. Love ends up not overly consuming, but blossoming instead. This doesn’t mean that fear won’t make an appearance from time to time. But when you have recognized the power it has had in your past, you are more willing to block it from taking ultimate control.

Here is another question to ponder: can someone who has never been in love be with someone who has?

That was the struggle I had with my ex-boyfriend. The fear he had about giving (and receiving) love was detrimental to the stability of our relationship. He needed constant validation that he was appreciated, and he also wanted reassurance that I wouldn't cheat or end the relationship. To be honest, it was exhausting trying to rid him of his insecurities.

Instead of melting into what we had, he was consistently looking for something he could find wrong (or what I could be doing more of): kissing, snuggling, touching him a certain way or expressing weekly how much I value him. The interesting part is that I did kiss, snuggle, touch and express, but when someone has never experienced love, they develop an idea in their head that becomes impossible to attain.

Most people have had an idea about how love should be in high school; I mean, who hasn’t watch romantic movies at a young age and thought, “That’s how love should be!” With time, as well as maturity, the "love-expectation" changes. Realizing that there cannot be an exact or precise feeling when it comes to love is a revelation.

Holding onto impractical expectations ultimately develops into heartbreak...

Although no one wants—or would—purposely set themselves up for heartbreak, what is done subconsciously is a different story.

Believe me, heartbreak sucks! Until you have had that experience, it is hard to explain—just like trying to explain love in its entirety.

Love is a feeling that can bring you paramount ecstasy…but also, depths of depression. When you are younger, love can be so confusing that you literally do crazy things, like calling and hanging up when they answer, Facebook/cyber stalking, checking their text messages, writing letters of desperation, becoming clingy, and much more. These “crazy” acts of love usually decrease as we get older, typically from the hard-earned lessons we learn from the heartbreaks we endure.

Many times, love is not something we intentionally chose. For me, I did fall in love with a man who had not experienced love before, but unfortunately for us, love did not conquer all. However, I am an optimistic believer that it is possible to find the right person.

Bottom-line, with persistent and solid effort from both sides, as well as a healthy and strong foundation, a relationship will inevitably progress. By fueling romantic desires, openly expressing feelings, and cautiously nurturing the growth of the relationship, love can and will triumph.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image

      Zia 

      10 months ago

      I'm quite surprised. It's really deep, and I agree with everything. This just made me realize a lot of things. Thank you.

    • Miss-Adventures profile imageAUTHOR

      Stephanie Bailey 

      5 years ago from Denver

      Thank you Alecia for commenting and reading my article! I do believe that in the matters of the love you must always follow your heart, and sometimes that means letting go.

    • Miss-Adventures profile imageAUTHOR

      Stephanie Bailey 

      5 years ago from Denver

      Thank you Mary for commenting and reading!

    • profile image

      Mary Roberts-Bailey 

      5 years ago

      I'm not sure the past boyfriend had never been in love but it seems that he had never really been open to love and all its ramifications. It is true that persons who have not been loved well do not know how to love others unless they get professional help. Lets hope that he and all other persons who have had difficult experiences with love will get professional help.

    • Alecia Murphy profile image

      Alecia Murphy 

      5 years ago from Wilmington, North Carolina

      I haven't been in a relationship when many people my age are married or already parents but unlike your previous boyfriend I've had a lot of other positive relationships with family and friends, just not romantic. I know I'm not alone, I've heard plenty of other people say the same thing but not be able to be comfortable about it since some people consider it somewhat strange. In general, I feel like if you're meant to have love in your life, it will happen- you can't force it or follow a pattern you just have to trust your heart.

      Great hub, I enjoyed reading it.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, pairedlife.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://pairedlife.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)