Most people wouldn't believe that happy bisexual marriages are possible -- where two openly bisexual people have taken vows to love, honor, and cherish one another. But it can and does work out.
Such unions are usually open marriages and have an element of acceptance that frees each partner to truly be themselves. Today we talk to a couple that is married and bisexual. Steven and Cynthia give us the inside on how they met, what their relationship is like, and why they are happy with each other.
How did you two meet?
Steven: We actually met on a website that was geared towards bi dating. We expressed that we were looking for an opposite-sex relationship but still wanted to be able to be openly bisexual. There are more of us out there than you think. You just don't realize because we are in an opposite sex marriage. No one ever questions anything.
Why did you decide to get married?
Cynthia: Well, we loved each other and we wanted a committed partner. We were happy with each other's traits and knowing we had that acceptance about our sexuality. We also each prefer the opposite sex more than the same sex, I guess we are like 70% hetero/30% gay.
I know that sounds funny, but that's how it is. Maybe that is why our marriage is easier though. We are more into each other than gay relationships on the outside. I'm not saying more purely bi marriages can't work out, but we see that as a strong point for us.
So how do you work out a marriage when you're bi? I mean, it's an open relationship, right?
Steven: We say "open relationship," but we don't mean wide-open, where anything goes. Cynthia and I are first committed to each other. We are very happy with our sexual relationship with each other.
When we decided to go outside the marriage to satisfy the non-hetero side, we first had a big discussion. We talked about who the people were, safe sex, and how we planned to fit the other people into our lives. Most of the time, though, we are living a hetero marriage.
Cynthia: We decided a while back that the best thing for us to do is hang out with another married bi couple because they would be in the same boat as us. So we found the perfect couple.
We occasionally have our fun together but we all go home to our spouses for the security of marriage. People would call it bi-swinging I guess, but when they are your friends you take it more seriously than that.
What about jealousy? Do either of you ever get jealous of the outside partner?
Steven: Yes, occasionally it does happen. That is the reality of being bi. You are living in both worlds. You still have to make sure to keep your feelings in check so that you always know your marriage comes first.
How do your families feel about this? Do they know?
Cynthia: No. We prefer to keep this to ourselves. Our sexuality is not a topic that needs to be discussed with our parents or siblings or anything. We're functional adults and I just don't think sexuality is a topic that belongs in family discussions. Now if we were to be gay, and wanted to marry same-sex partners, I guess you would have to bring that up to family.
Odd question. Do either of you get turned off by knowing what the other partner does with a same-sex partner?
Steven: Not at all. It's kind of hot.
Cynthia: I do get turned off by it a little, but I know I couldn't ask in a bisexual marriage to be allowed lesbian sex without accepting that my husband has the same privileges with his own.
What about safe sex?
Steven: We always practice it with outside partners with no fail. The fact that we have another married bi couple as our partners makes that quite easy.
Do you feel your marriage will last the test of time?
Steven: Absolutely. Because I don't have to hide anything. I have someone who accepts and loves me, and we get along too!
Cynthia: Yes. No doubt.
This article is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge. Content is for informational or entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for personal counsel or professional advice in business, financial, legal, or technical matters.