Are You Truly Another Man's Treasure?
Just because one man has not realized how truly special you are, does not mean another man won't...
We will either stay in a relationship with a man who clearly does not value, respect or cherish us—because we convince ourselves that he is the last living male on earth. Seriously?! Or, we lose all faith and hope in finding love—convincing ourselves that we are meant to be spinsters with eight cats. Really?
Do you honestly believe with your entire soul that being with a guy who treats you poorly or does not love you enough to work on the relationship is a much better scenario than being alone? Is your self-esteem so low that every ounce of your body doubts that you deserve better and will one day find a man who will treat you the way you deserve—by your standards, not his?
I get that after a break-up we can convince ourselves that we are not good enough, that we will never find another guy to date and that no man will ever love and treasure us again. Stop. Just because one man did not fully see or appreciate your sparkle (all of you), this does not conclude that another man won't.
Why as women do we immediately define ourselves—unworthy of a man—by putting ourselves down and picking ourselves a part? Have you ever stopped to think that he was unworthy and undeserving of you? Also, not all relationships we encounter are designed for the happily-ever-after. Many relationships are brought to us—as a learning lesson—to help us realize what we truly want (and don't want) in a lasting commitment.
If you have been single for awhile or have become newly single, believing that lasting love will eventually find you can be very discouraging...
Often times when we lose hope in true love finding us, we will hang on to the next guy—even if he is not the right guy. Yikes! Put your desperation tendency aside and ask yourself if settling is actually worth your overall happiness? Should you sacrifice not being a man's true treasure just so that you can have companionship?
Being a guy’s treasure means that he truly notices who you are—and not just the surface beauty—that part is easy. Let's be honest, what guy doesn't enjoy having a beautiful woman by his side or wrapped around his arm? But, if he is just with you for your beauty or physical attraction, that will get old very quickly—causing you to potentially become discarded. Yikes!
We all have baggage and issues and will go through difficult and challenging times. A man who truly values you as his unique treasure—again past the surface beauty and physical attraction—will understand that you are not perfect and won't expect you to be. Being his treasure also means that he will stand by you (and with you) through the amazing times as well as the difficult ones—protecting your heart versus bailing and walking away.
Love is about taking chances and realizing that loving someone is not about seeking perfection or having the unrealistic expectation that issues won't happen. Love is about working with someone you truly care for to not only build a future together, but also a strong lasting foundation.
Here's the thing, dating or deciding to be in a commitment is sometimes a crap shoot—there are no guarantees in love...
If we get stuck in the blame game or wonderment of why we were not "good enough" for one guy, then we are holding ourselves back from the possibilities of finding true lasting love (being another guy’s treasure). Why would you want to hold yourselves back from finding a man who will value, respect and cherish you for a lifetime?
Ladies, one of the best treasures is found when a man can truly connect with our heart and soul on a deep consistent emotional level. Connecting with us isn't just about being sexual or intimate, the true connection happens on an emotional level first. When a man sincerely connects on that level, that is when a unique (and lasting) relationship is found. Sounds easy right? Unfortunately, many men equate treating a woman like gold with how sexually desirable he finds her. Wrong!
In order for a man to completely earn you as his treasure he needs to value you past the superficial "desire" stage. I'm not saying that a man should stop desiring you in order to value you. Frankly, he should always desire you in some way (and vice versa). Again, there are men that once your "beauty" becomes tainted by life—you are unhappy, you get sick or injured, something tragic happens in your life, etc.—you become undesirable to them—leaving you feeling devalued. Wonderful.
As with almost everything, there are signs—by a man's actions—if he is fully invested in you and values you as his lasting treasure or not...
- Does he fully hear and listen to you when you talk or does he shut down?
- Does he truly care to remember important things about you or is he always forgetting?
- Was wining your heart solely for his ego and bragging rights to others?
- Does he tell you he loves you but lacks on showing you?
- When he talks about you to his friends, family and coworkers; is the focus on your looks or the essence of who you are as a whole?
- Does he know your fears and protect them or does he use them against you—to purposely hurt you?
- Does he make time to call, text and see you or are there more excuses for why he can't?
- Are your concerns genuinely validated by him or does he do nothing to change the situation?
- Does he support you—emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically or is his support contingent on you never having a bad day?
- Is he open and willing to work on the relationship or does he put up walls and walk away?
- Is he there when you need him or does he emotionally and mentally check out?
- Does he take ownership for his actions or does he find ways to always blame you?
- Are you a priority on his list or does everything else take priority over you?
- Has he been consistent in his actions or has he fallen short?
- Does he talk to you respectfully with love, compassion, understanding, empathy and validation?
- Is his love unconditional or does it come with expectations?
- Are his "sorry's" meaningful or just given to pacify you?
- Is he proving his love or expects you to earn it?
Being a man's treasure means that he wants you in your entirety—the good, the great and the imperfections—because no one is perfect.
I was in a relationship with a guy for almost a year who had me completely fooled into believing that I was—without a doubt—his treasure and that he was utterly grateful that I was in his life.
This guy worked extremely hard to win my affections. I was not attracted to him right away—but after spending a lot of time with him—and the way he treated me, he won me over. I must admit, he was great at wooing and just as great at lying.
At first this guy acted like I was a unique treasure he finally found. He told me multiple times how much he cared for me, would never take me for granted and how deeply he loved me—all of me—because he had wanted me and our relationship for a very long time. Sounds sweet, right? After hearing that, what woman wouldn't think that a man finally sees how perfect she is for him?
Although this type of "wooing" talk can be easy to fall for, I have always believed that actions—consistent actions—speak much louder than words.
At first his actions did speak louder than his words—for the first three months. He was very supportive in my life, he went out of his way to be there for me, do things for me and I was on the top of his priority list. Yay. But, by the fourth month his actions fell very short—making me realize I was not indeed his treasure. In fact, I was more like a paper prize he won that could easily be crumpled up and thrown away. Ugh.
As months progressed (or should I say regressed) in our relationship, my ex made everything about his life and less about me. The only thing he truly cherished was himself. I realized that to be this guy’s treasure you could not have any imperfections and had to shine all the time—exhausting! When I got sick he made it extremely apparent that I was not his treasure by how easily he bailed on me and walked away without a care in the world. Yikes!
Ladies, yes, sometimes love can be like finding a diamond in the rough. But once that unique diamond (love) is found, the connection is even more meaningful. Your beauty—inside and out will be perceived as basically flawless in a man's eyes who truly values and appreciates you as his treasure. But remember, as much as you seek to find a man who cherishes you, first you need to realize your own worth and never forget your value.