Are You Disposable To Him When Your Life Isn't Perfect?

Updated on November 7, 2016
Miss-Adventures profile image

My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.

When it rains, often it will pour...is he sheltering you or only himself?

Life has its ups and downs for everyone. Depending on what's going on in your life, the ups might be greater than the downs and vice versa. No one's life is perfect—regardless of what you see on the outside—we all have storms that will continue to come and go to make us stronger. Can he withstand the rain with you?

Often when you are going through something in life, the biggest support comes from your friends and family. If you are in an exclusive relationship receiving support should also come from your significant other—especially if you have been together for over six months. Unfortunately, there are many selfish men out there that only care about you when it benefits them.

Love should never be only one-sided, but many times it is...

My friend was in a relationship with a guy for two years. Their relationship blossomed over time and talk of marriage and one day having children was an exciting next step that they both happily embraced. This was a guy who she finally saw a future with and looked forward to many more years of happiness to come. That dream plummeted when she ended up having health issues.

The true test of any relationship is when a tragedy or health issue occurs....is that person there for you or do they fade away?

When my friend starting feeling immense pain during intercourse she knew that something was wrong. During her doctor appointment she found out that many large fibroids were in her uterus, which were causing not only pain but also extensive bleeding. Great. Getting a hysterectomy was inevitable for her and hearing this struck pain to her heart.

She wanted to be pregnant and have kids with her boyfriend. That was their future plan. How would she break the news to him?

Surprisingly, breaking the news to her boyfriend was easier than she had imagined. He was extremely comforting and understanding. He told her that everything was going to be OK, that he was there for her and that he loved her. She never felt more emotionally supported by someone in her time of despair. Then, that support started to rapidly dissipate...

There are some men who only care about themselves and their "needs"...

Her boyfriend was very hung up on that fact that she could no longer have sex with him—sex was way too painful for her and they tried multiple times. Also as her belly continued to enlarge due to her fibroids growing which made her feel less and less attractive, therefore, her sexual drive became obsolete.

My friend had two months before her surgery was to happen and during this time her boyfriend majorly pulled away.

He would rarely call or schedule time to see her. He stopped planning dates and suddenly became really busy—letting weeks go by without seeing her. When she tried to talk to him he would act as though nothing was wrong. Hmmm... My friend was not only confused but felt completely rejected, unattractive and alone.

She had always been there for him, but now that she is going through something he can't be there for her?

After weeks of him pulling away, their relationship finally ended. His reason (excuse); he told her that sex was extremely important to him and knowing that sex would be off the table until her surgery (and weeks after the surgery) was too much for him to handle. Seriously?! My friend was devastated.

Really, sex was more important than everything they had shared and had gone through? Her not being able to have sex was only temporary—several months—not permanently. If sex equated love for this guy then he did not know what love was and more importantly, did not truly love her.

Once she got over the heartbreak, my friend realized that her ex was definitely not the right guy for her and she dodged a lifetime of potential future heart-break.

Being there for your significant other during hard times should be a no brainer. When you truly love someone, wanting to do everything you can to show them is important. It can be hard for anyone to be vulnerable and once you do, having someone shut you down can be extremely hard to get over.

Some men are just overly self-centered, self-involved and only care about what's going on in their life...

I dated a guy who had some issue he was dealing with or stress in his life and I was always there for him to give him the support when he needed me. I even dropped my entire day and evening so that I could be there for him when his dog died—which left him very distraught. However, when I went through an emotional difficult time, this guy would tell me that he was there for me but treated me like I had the plague. Wow.

This guy was so self-centered. If a situation was not directly about him, he didn't care or had time to think about anyone else but himself. He was too concerned with his life, his job and everything that had to do with him that he had no room for me—especially since what I was going through wasn't something that benefited him.

His lack of interest in my difficult time was insulting, however this also showed me his true character—what type of person he really was and that he was not the guy for me. This was very disappointing to say the least.

Why would any woman want to be in a relationship with a guy who is not there for them when they really need him the most? Why be with a guy who is only one-sided when it comes to being supportive? Or thinks it's OK to not call or reach out for days, knowing that you need his emotionally support?

I get that there are some men who have a difficult time dealing with illness and tragedy when it involves someone they love. However, completely shutting down, creating distance or disappearing will only make a woman feel abandoned in her time of need. Also, this behavior will make her feel (based on your actions) that you don't really care.

Ladies, if you are going through something difficult in your life, getting the support you need from your significant other is important—and you shouldn't have to ask or remind him that you need it. The relevance of what he goes through should be no different when it comes to you.

Bottom line, remind yourself (daily) that just like when it rains the sunshine eventually will come back. Know that one guys "trash" is always another man's treasure, regardless of what's going on in your life. Always stay strong, beautiful and hopeful because there is a man who will find you worthy.

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      20 months ago

      Someone once said ask yourself if you can see your mate holding your hand as you bury your parents. The reality is most of us are in relationships only for today. We're not thinking about changes in our circumstances.

      "His reason (excuse); he told her that sex was extremely important to him and knowing that sex would be off the table until her surgery (and weeks after the surgery) was too much for him to handle."

      Although that may sound harsh I sort of admire his (honesty).

      Lots of guys would have "cowardly" cheated behind her back in order to address their sexual needs/desires!

      Without knowing whether your friend completely {shut down sexually} as in not willing to engage in oral, manual, or other ways to keep some semblance of sex life going it's hard to instantly judge him.

      They could have pleased one another in a variety of ways without having actual intercourse until she was up to it.

      Most men in their 20s and 30s don't want to be in a sexless relationship or marriage. In fact if they were married odds are he would have cheated if sex were that important to him. He may not have filed for divorce over it.

      This is also common when some women go through menopause. If they no longer desire intercourse they're not willing do ANY sexual activity. Some men look to younger women for this very reason.

      I've known women who dumped guys after they lost their job or found one where the pay & benefits significantly altered their dating activities.

      Everyone is entitled to have their own "deal breakers" and "boundaries".

      I'd rather have someone honestly lay it on the line and walk away then to have them hold my hand by day and cheat on me by night.

      In order to go through something like this (both people) have to be willing to find alternative ways. An all or nothing approach will fail.

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