A Guy's Perspective on Love and Relationships
One of the most routine things some women do when it comes to relationships is take advice from other women. Not that all women offer bad advice, but if you are struggling to understand men then why not ask a man? If your ultimate goal is to find and keep a good man in your life, you may want to start by asking another good man for some relationship advice.
The answers you receive may or may not shock you, but they are sure to be different than the tips you may receive in those monthly relationship magazines. For those of you without any impartial guy friends to ask, here are some relationship tips from a male point of view that may help.
The Perfect Man Does Not Exist
Let's just get this one out of the way first. There is no perfect guy. There never has been a perfect guy. There never will be a perfect guy. Stop searching for him, and learn to appreciate more of the imperfect guys that are readily available to you.
Ultimately, the best person for you will have flaws. He may even end up having a ton of flaws. However, the thing to focus on is finding a person that has flaws that are not deal-breakers in the grand scheme of things. Sure they may annoy you from time to time, but over time you can learn to accept and live with them. Who knows, they could possibly even become endearing traits that you miss when the person is away for an extended period of time.
A Man Is Not a Makeover Project
Being in a relationship is not like becoming the host of Extreme Man Makeover. If you cannot learn to appreciate the person you are with for who they are when you meet them, then move on and find someone else that you can appreciate.
Trying to turn a man into a project will just annoy them over time because they will always feel unappreciated and eventually fall back into being the person they were when you met them. It also sends a message to the man that who they are as a person just is not enough for you, and that is a recipe for disaster.
Have you ever tried to make your mate change parts of their personality?
Check Your Past Baggage at the Door
If you go into a new relationship carrying the baggage from the last relationship, expect problems. At some point you are going to have to learn to treat all of your new relationships as a clean slate, and stop blaming new guys for things that old guys did to you.
Does this mean that your new relationships will have different results? Not necessarily. Some of them may end in familiar ways, but at least you are giving them a chance to succeed at the start. If things flame out, just learn your lesson and move on to the next guy. Learn to accept the fact that not all relationships are meant to last a long time, but try not to go into them thinking that they are bound for failure.
After all, the bad results could truly be more a result of the types of men that you choose to date or the places at which you are meeting them.
Man-Hating Is Not Attractive
Sure there are plenty of reasons to talk negatively about men, but there is no reason to do it directly to the man you are dating. Man-haters usually find themselves trapped in a cycle due to their inability to stop talking down about other men in their lives. Usually it stems from a bad relationship or series of relationships in their past. Eventually they hit the stage where they distrust men in general. For whatever reason, they still want to date yet cannot resist the urge to bash mankind during the date. Once the new guy gets tired of the negativity, he too stops calling and now she has one more reason to hate men.
If for some reason you have negative things built up inside about a current or former man in your life, find another female friend to whom you can vent. This will allow you to get it out of your system without painting you as a bitter old woman during your next date. It will probably also make you a more happy person overall which will lead to having a better time with the person you are interested in.
Your Past Does Not Equal Your Present
There are few things that men hate more than being compared to other men. No man in his right mind enjoys hearing about how good your last boyfriend was at anything in life. Very few men enjoy hearing how bad your last boyfriend was at anything. In most cases, men just do not want to hear about your last boyfriend at all.
In addition to becoming annoying, it just ends up making you sound like you have not gotten over your past. In the long run, this will just cause your present to pull away from you. And while you are at it, find a way to either get rid of or hide all the old gifts, cards, and jewelry that may have been given to you. Do you really think your boyfriend wants to see you wearing something that was given to you by another man?
Real Love Is Not on Reality TV
Reality television is killing reality. The things that happen on these tv shows are not real, so please do not expect your man to act like that! Just because The Bachelor is able to go on extravagant dates every night of the week does not mean that your man has a will or a way to make those things happen also. Sometimes instead of expecting a midnight horse and carriage ride, you may have to lower your expectations and appreciate what your man is willing to offer you at the time. After all, sharing ice cream on the porch at night really is not that bad of an idea is it?
It is pretty obvious the damage that shows like Maury can do to your outlook on relationships. By the end of one or two episodes of that show, you will think that every guy that crosses your path has two or three unknown children.
Do yourself a favor and stick to shows that portray relationships in a positive light, or just stay away from television altogether.
Be Wary of Your Single Friends
Once you find yourself in a relationship, one of the best things you can do is limit your exposure to your single friends with negative attitudes towards love. Certain single friends are single for a reason, and the more time spent around them is either going to make you long to be single as well or cause you to mistrust your current partner. Chances are these single friends were either involved in shady relationships or they are shady themselves, and extended exposure to those kind of personalities is nothing good in the long run.
Spending time with other couples will allow you to bond with your partner and still interact with other people so you are not driving each other crazy. Over time, you may even be able to ask your single friends to join so they can see that not every relationship is a negative thing.
Have your choices ever been influenced by a friend's past experiences?
Understand That People Develop Over Time
Possibly the most important thing to know is that although it takes a while for some men to grow up, it does eventually happen for most of them. Just because your man does not want to have sex with you 5 times a day does not mean that he has lost all interest in you. It does not mean that he no longer loves you. It just means that he no longer wants to have sex that many times. It could also mean that he is physically unable to have sex that many times. Rather than getting mad about it, find a way to discuss it and come to a compromise.
Looking outside of your relationship for an answer, is not the answer. Sure the construction worker down the street or the guy at the nightclub may say things you have not heard in years, but are they still going to be saying those things years down the line? Probably not. Give your guy some credit being there by your side over the years. Be happy for the things he does do for you, and try not to take the little stuff for granted.
Try a New Venue or a New Guy
Clubs are usually not a good place to meet people for long-term relationships. Women know this. Men know this. Yet for some reason, people keep going to clubs expecting something different. If you are looking for a quality relationship, try going to different places. You may find that guys treat you differently when you do not have on make-up and heels. It is possible they see you as more of a person and less of an object. Anything is possible.
Another thing you can do is try hanging out with different types of people. If you find yourself getting in trouble with certain types of guys, stop hanging out with those types of guys. It is that simple. Maybe the person you always overlook is really the person that you are meant to be with. Give them a shot, and if it does not work then you just move on to someone new.
If It's Over, It's Over
Turning a bad relationship into an emotional roller coaster is a bad idea for everyone involved. If you just cannot get anything productive going with the person you are with, then cut your losses and move on. After all, at a certain point you are just wasting your time that you could be with someone else. Even time by yourself is better than being trapped in a negative relationship.
Keep it honest, keep it respectful, and then keep it moving. Hopefully some part of this helps out on the road to a long, meaningful relationship.