Coralle is a professional writer with a passion for sharing her knowledge on relationships.
If you ask anyone, they will tell you that moving in with your partner is a big decision. That's not to say that you shouldn't go ahead with it, but you should consider whether it's the best time for both of you. Many people rush in before thinking about their own needs and requirements, and it doesn't always end well.
Before you take that leap, ask your partner these 10 questions. This will help you to decide if you're on the same page.
1. "Why Do You Want to Move In With Me?"
This is possibly the biggest and most important question you can ask anyone before moving in with them. Some people only want to move in with their partner for convenience or because they think they are supposed to. In reality, you want someone who wants to move in with you because they want to spend more time with you and they want to wake up to your face every morning.
Pay attention to how your partner reacts to this question. If they say, "I just do," or give you another poor excuse, then that could be a bad sign. They probably don't want this as much as you do. One-sided love and affection can be extremely exhausting and painful to go through.
2. "Is This the Right Time?"
Believe it or not, there is a right and a wrong time to move in with your partner. The phrase, "fools rush in" rings true because moving in too quickly or at the wrong time can put a strain on your relationship.
If you have been struggling financially or there's unresolved conflict in your relationship, now is not the time to consider getting your first home together.
Use this time to put together a thorough plan and make a timeline of when you can realistically move in. Having a timescale can motivate you without making you feel like you need to rush.
3. "How Much Do You Value Your Personal Space?"
If your partner regularly enjoys spending time alone in their bedroom, then moving in together will feel like a big adjustment for them.
It's unreasonable to expect them to sacrifice their needs for your own. Sit down and ask them what their expectations are. While you might expect to spend a lot of time with them, they might prefer to be alone some evenings. It's worth knowing this before you make the big step.
4. "What Are Your Thoughts on Marriage?"
Not every couple that moves in together plans to get married. Some couples will just enjoy spending more time together and focus on that, rather than wedding plans.
However, for some people, marriage is a big deal. If you don't know what your partner's thoughts on marriage are, and you have strong views for or against it, now is the best time to ask. If your partner doesn't want to get married but you do, then this could be a deal-breaker.
5. "Do You Want Kids?"
The decision to have kids is one of the biggest decisions you can make. If you haven't mentioned it to your partner yet, you should definitely find out before you move out together.
If one of you wants children but the other one doesn't, then this isn't likely to work out. It's better to find out now rather than later.
6. "Do You Prefer to Sleep Alone or Together?"
You might think it's unusual for couples to sleep apart, but it's more common than you think. Research shows that 30 to 40 percent of couples sleep in separate beds. If you or your partner snores or tosses and turns in the night, this might be a good enough reason to not sleep together.
While it's not usually a deal-breaker, it's worth knowing what your partner wants before you make any plans. If snuggling up to your partner is what you're looking forward to the most, it might be time to rethink things.
7. "Are You Willing to Share the Chores?"
One of the biggest conflicts in a relationship is the chores. What can happen in some relationships is one person does most of the chores and begins to feel like they're being taken for granted. This isn't always the other person's fault; it can be caused by poor communication skills.
Before you move in, you should have a discussion about the chores and your expectations. If splitting the chores or taking turns works best for you both, then that will help to prevent unnecessary conflict and resentment.
On the other hand, if your partner isn't happy to share the chores or already expects too much from you, it will give you an insight into the problems you could face in the future. Is it worth it? That's up to you to decide.
8. "How Will We Pay the Bills?"
It's important that you are financially stable before moving in together. A discussion that is worth having is money, specifically how you will pay the bills. Are you happy to split the costs? Is one of you earning significantly more than the other? If so, they may be able to cover more costs than you can.
Money can put a big strain on a relationship, especially when you live together. Arguments about money are very common among couples, which is why you can't avoid the conversation. Having an idea of how you will pay the bills and how much money you can both contribute is an important indication of your future together.
If you're not on the same page or you're already arguing about money, this could be a sign that you should delay moving in.
9. "Do You Want Pets?"
For some couples, getting their first pet together is just as big of a deal as having kids together, so you need to be on the same page.
If you would like a pet but your partner has allergies or they simply don't want any, this is worth knowing about beforehand. You need to find out whether there's any possibility of pets and what their opinion is.
It's not a good idea to go against your partner's feelings, but it could also be a deal breaker for you if your heart is set on getting a pet. Even if you don't agree initially, you could still work something out.
10. "What Will Our Home Look Like?"
Do you want an apartment or a house with a big garden? A neutral or a bold color scheme? How will you decorate? You need to find out what your partner thinks about all of these things before you make any rash decisions.
Get a notepad and pen and write down all of your needs and desires. If you have a clash of opinions at any time, try to work something out so you're both happy. Being able to compromise in a relationship is really important.
Just remember that you have to factor in your budget. A big garden is only a nice idea if you can afford it!
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2022 Coralle Skye